man i love shrimp

important reminder that most people you follow online are significantly lamer than you think they are including me. and if you feel insecure comparing yourself to someone online: DON'T. theyre probably also lame and weird. most people on the internet are

reblog if you're also lame and weird.

every time you revlog this post, a new baby spider is born #miracleoflife

every time you revlog this post, a new baby spider is born #miracleoflife

every time you revlog this post, a new baby spider is born #miracleoflife

y’all my friend decided to investigate what was blocking their drain system and you are not prepared for the answer

there’s a friday ass vibe about this wednesday boys keep your wits about you

i literally love saying "ON IT BOSS!!!!!" whenever someone asks me to do something like i'm some sort of henchman. it doesn't matter if they're my boss or not for real even because in the moment they are, and whatever they requested of me i'm on it

see my problem is if i “listen to my body” it literally only wants to lie down and take naps, all the time

the thing about that weird stuff americans call cheese is that if you heat it a little it becomes an excellent burger condiment despite its failings in every other area. such is the fate of the american cultural product

the American 'cheese' slice was engineered by our best scientific minds (all borrowed from Germany ofc) to melt perfectly onto a burger and for nothing else. Its only purpose is to compliment the one true product of the American people. The hamburger. (also borrowed from Germany)

reeling a little at the implication that the Kraft Single was a product of operation paperclip

Despite everything the bug scuttles on

A cat is a machine that turns proteins into violence.