Shit Master Says

On Acting

There’s a new guy in my class who’s like 6’8”, which makes me feel small. So I think I’m going to kill him

I did a world goddess day ritual once. It was in North Carolina, in the basement of a hair salon

I had a nightmare that someone tried on all my favorite sweaters and ripped every single one.

People realize at some point they're going to die, so they're like, better start unloading all my sadness now. That's what midlife crises are.

At the gym, on the treadmill, when I get too tired I pretend I’m a wolf chasing a deer. And I start actually growling, and showing my teeth, and I get this huge adrenaline rush.

So on my way to the audition a supermodel came up to me and started talking to me and then just gave me her phone number

Is it wrong that I feel the government should give me a rebate on food because I’m bigger than the average person? It would make up for all the uncomfortable bus and plane seats I have to deal with

When Satan fucks Sin? Hottest shit ever written in a classy book

A threesome isn't that much better than regular sex, it's just visual