Let's ambush mama! πΌ
"Why do Pallas cats always look grumpy?"
"Pallas kittens."
The sheer roundness of this kitten must be admired.
Bothering Mama
@diabowlicat

romaβ
Misplaced Lens Cap

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I'd rather be in outer space πΈ
Not today Justin
will byers stan first human second

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@shinanniegh
Let's ambush mama! πΌ
"Why do Pallas cats always look grumpy?"
"Pallas kittens."
The sheer roundness of this kitten must be admired.
Bothering Mama
@diabowlicat

Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
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so I got into grad school today with my shitty 2.8 gpa and the moral of the story is reblog those good luck posts for the love of god
okay so i just got my dream job??? a week after applying to it?? and now iβm thinkingβ¦.maybe this is the good luck post
β¦..not even six hours later i got an offer of a well paying full time long-term job with free room and board in queens in nyc, allowing me independence and a way to escape an abusive situation and an unhealthy environment
likes charge reblogs cast, folks, this is the good luck post
i need all the help i can get for finals
Hey so
the last time I reblogged this post right before I got a great job, in a permanent work-from-home position, with benefits, retirement, and a salary literally 3x what I was making before, doing something I really like.Β
So you know.Β
This might be the real one, yβall.
I could use some luck
RB if you think CD drives in computers are not obsolete, but in fact still necessary, despite being artificially phased out
Mods are asleep post forbidden tits
Huh
Huh
Huh
Hhhhhhh
Perfectly balanced as all things should beβ¦
balance
This may be the worst use of LLMs anyone has attempted, ever. Up there with recognizing mushrooms.

Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
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you have this superpower! BUT you have this side-effect
is it worth it?
yes!!
the side effect is bad but ITS WORTH IT
meh it's okay
the side effect makes it unusable/not worth it
Results/option I didn't think of
I have been saving this since last year. Happy Earth Day everyone.
literally has been in my queue for an entire year. you just canβt miss reblogging.
My liege, if you recall, the prophecy stated that you would fall by the hands of your first born son. Yes, I understand that twelve daughters is a very impressive feat, but mayhaps you should consider quitting while youβre ahead?
My liege, you mustnβt be so reckless. If you recall, your prophecy stated βyou shall not die by any efforts of man or woman, nor of any material from this landβ, and it feels rather pertinent to your most recent decision. Please consider the situation with your father and your brother, and to a lesser extent your 32 younger sisters, and know your prophecy is not one to be neglected. Your father tempted fate and look where that got him. Yes my liege, I do know it was a heart attack that he passed from, but the royal guard directly saw your baby brother reach out towards your father with his hands as he passed. Yes, I know the prophecy would be better stated to say βbeside the handβ rather than βby the handβ, I didnβt write the prophecy. No my liege, I mean no disrespect. Yes, I agree, this was a very inappropriate time to discuss your father, and we should go back to the issue at hand. Yes, I do recall that no man or woman may slay you, however, if you think about the prophecy with the context of your newly imported elephant,
My liege, this is hardly the appropriate attire for a hunting trip, especially one to the woods you were forbade from entering. Yes your majesty, I know you are ruler of this kingdom, but if you recall your prophecy- you mock me. I take your safety and fate with the upmost sincerity, and you respond with βmi mi mi mimiβ? Please recall your- yes I know what your prophecy states, βyour reign shall last until nature itself regains your throne and crownβ, I was about to recount it for you. Look my liege, I think this hunting trip is a terrible idea. You are far too clumsy and the forest floor is uneven with roots! If the stairs of the palace or your own feet are enough to cause you to trip, remaining upright may be difficult, and, to put it frankly, falling hitting your head on a rock would hardly a glorious engraving on your tombstone. Please donβt wear the crown on this hunting trip, theyβll know youβre the new queen because of how similar you look to your sister. Itβs a prideful act that will only- oh the royal messenger is here. What news do you have? Oh this requires my immediate attention. I will return, my liege. Do not attend that hunting trip in your current attire, though you should consider not going at all.
Royal To-Do List
Schedule date of coronation
Organise a trip to the Royal Soothsayer with the new Queen
Search forest for the crown
Purchase a new throne, or locate the stolen one
Fix elephant-shaped hole in the throne room
Now, as a part of the induction protocols, all new employees are to be informed of a long-held family tradition. When each new ruler comes to power, they receive a letter a few days later from the old soothsayer. Yes, the one who lives in the woods, we paid for them to live there. Thought it would be a good way to avoid receiving more prophecies, as she wouldnβt receive notice of the coronation until afterwards, but now they just get sent in the mail. We used to add in 15 minutes leeway to the schedule for when the soothsayer interrupted the event, it was a nightmare to try and predict when theyβd show up. If it were up to me, weβd stop the postal service going that far, but only the Queen can make that ruling. Iβm getting sidetracked. As I recall, the Queenβs prophecy states βyour heart will bleed when the man who could never love you distances himself, his aim not one intending to hurt you, yet he will be your demiseβ. In order to circumvent this, she is not allowed to take a hand in marriage, and any casual romances are monitored to ensure attraction is present from both parties. Furthermore, suitors are not informed of the Queenβs status as royalty, further preventing anyone attempting to woo her for wealth or political status. Sheβs also elected to take on many hobbies to fill her time, to focus less on any romantic endeavours. Itβs a good system, if a little difficult to source new hobbies on short notice. Oh, yes, please voice your concerns. Itβs always a good sign when new employees take the Queenβs prophecy seriously.
Well yes, this is why we hired you. Sheβs been interested in archery as a hobby recently, and we canβt exactly send somewhere accessible to the general public. What if she falls for someone outside of our control? No, itβs much safer to hire you as her private archery instructor. And I presume sheβll learn quickly, not every archery instructor considers himself an βarrow aceβ.
My liege, Iβve been reviewing some of the royal funding and budgetary records, and a few things have come to my attention. Now, I understand that we have surplus funding in the royal vault as a result of your prophecy, which, if you recall, states that βyou will die by a blade not intended for battle, but one that will find itβs way to you in a moment of joyβ. I stand by it being a wise decision to keep you away from any activities such as woodworking or cooking, and that the money that would have gone into funding those activities was yours to allocate as you wished, but I suspect Iβve found some errors on the records. Firstly, we have two categories of payments going to the soothsayer; one for living expenses, and one, as I have just discovered, labeled βpropheciesβ. I suspect that- I beg your pardon my liege? We pay for the prophecies? Why on earth- Weβre paying them to not deliver us prophecies, thatβs why they live out on the far end of the woods. This doesnβt- Tradition? I understand itβs a tradition my liege, but if we are paying for it to be inconvenient to deliver prophecies, and then paying for the prophecies themselves- Is that why your sister wished to go to the soothsayer in person rather than wait for a letter? She was aware of this? And the rest of your sisters too? My liege, surely you see that it undermines our efforts in preventing prophecies to pay for them. At the very least, one of the payments should be discontinued to improve our financial status. Youβre right my liege, this is a very complex discussion that requires more time to process, and I shall βshut up about the soothsayerβ as you so eloquently put it. We will be discussing this later. The other issue I came to inquire about was that within the records for the entertainment budget, each performance is listed by name. I once again would like to reiterate that the extra funding for entertainment, while not aligning with my recommendations, is reasonable given the circumstances of your prophecy. However, once again with considerations to your prophecy, βPablo the Knife-Jugglerβ,
My liege, Iβm beginning to understand why you have called me to the castle rooftop. As your most trusted advisor, overseeing your actions and assisting with difficult choices is why I have been employed under your family for so long. However, one key aspect of my services that has remained fairly neglected by your sisters, and your father, is that of your prophecy. Often advice regarding your prophecies leads directly to the passing of the crown, and I believe this to be a critical moment in your rule. You had a much simpler prophecy than most of your sisters, but the vagueness that comes with that should really indicate where to place your trust in me, and the rooftop seems to be that very place. If you recall, your prophecy stated that βPride shall be your downfallβ, which- No my liege, I believe that you can do a kick-flip,
My liege, I am incredibly concerned about the prophecy you have received. Usually it takes a week or two to come in the mail, but not a day had passed since your coronation before the wax seal of the soothsayer arrived at the palace doors. I have spent the past few hours contemplating what should be implemented considering its slightly paradoxical nature. As you recall, your prophecy states that βin a time of unmatched uncertainty, the one you entrust the most shall betray youβ. I have been the royal advisor for your family since your fatherβs rule, a well trusted and respected figure by many who came before you, and I shall do everything within my power to prevent a potential betrayal, regardless of how the prophecy speaks of me. As such, having worked for your father and under all of your sisters that ruled before you, I feel I have accumulated enough sick leave,
Thank you all for attending the all-staff meeting. We have several topics to discuss today, so weβll begin post-haste. Firstly, Iβd like to address the royal elephant in the room. We still have no idea where the royal elephant is, and may have to cut back on searching due to budget cuts, which leads us to our next point, the metaphorical elephant in the room. With our last Queenβs untimely death weβve made significant progress on finding what was the cause of her death. Based on the fact she died at her one-year ruling anniversary banquet, and her prophecy, which if you all recall stated that βrended flesh for naught but greed shall end in rended fleshβ, we believed that it likely something about the food killed her. We had checked for choking hazards and tested others for poison and had found no clues, so our thought process was that her body was unable to tolerate something resulting in her demise. This is where the budget cuts come into place.
We hired a mage.
Settle down. I understand this is a controversial decision, but the benefits have already begun to reveal themselves. While the mage is unable to detect ailments on a corpse, several of the princesses have all shared an ailment referred to as a βshellfish allergyβ. While it is unclear what allergy means, it sounds detrimental, and the mage clarified that it is deadly if not handled. As lobster was served at that banquet, that is likely the culprit, and as such shall be removed from the palaceβs future supply orders, preventing future queens from following her path. Staff members will be allowed access to the current stock until we run out, so I hope a nice lobster dinner will quell your fears.
Now, some of you have likely been worried about this decision in relation to the current Queenβs prophecy. We have made sure to screen this mage as thoroughly as possible, and have concluded that he is, in fact, a mage. Not a swindler nor soothsayer, not a wizard nor fae. We have determined his status as a mage. This is of great importance to us, as I would not like to be responsible for the passings of any more rulers. I will admit that taking a month off right at the start of a new reign was not my finest decision, but thatβs not relevant at the moment. What is relevant is the new queenβs prophecy, which should be easy to recall given how short the letter was. As you should recall, the prophecy stated βWizardβs curseβ, but as this is not a Wizard, we have no cause for concern. Now, as a mage is very costly, the budgetary restrictions over the next month will be implemented across the following areasβ¦
He lied on his resume
My liege, a letter has just arrived from the royal soothsayer. It is likely regarding your prophecy. I shall read it verbatim for you. *Ahem*. βYou shall die underfoot of an animal trained for war.β Ah. It appears this letter was intended for your dearly departed sister. Had this letter arrived three days earlier, her rule may have lasted more than a week. It would have been very helpful in preventing her horse-riding accident. My apologies my liege, I know you were looking forward to hearing your prophecy, and I am truely sorry to disappoint. I shall alert you when it arrives. Thank you for your attention, you may return to caring for the royal hounds.
I would like to thank you all for attending this all staff meeting on such short notice. We are here to discuss the events regarding the passing of the most recent Queen. It appears I have neglected that horses are not the only animal trained for war, that animal related incidents may occur to more than one queen, and that the soothsayer is, in fact, a soothsayer. In related news, we have located the royal elephant.
@himbohobbit24
"next time, log in faster with fingerprint/face/iris recognition!" how about i keep typing my password like i have for the past 25 years and you fuck off

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As it is Passover again, it is time for the annual debate as to whether the frog plague, which thanks to a quirk in the Hebrew, is written as a plague of frog, singular, rather than the plural, plague of frogs, was in fact, as generally imagined, a plague of many frogs, or instead a singular giant Kaiju frog. This is an ancient and venerable argument that actually goes back to the Talmud because this is what the Jewish people are. If we can't argue for fun about this sort of thing, what are we even doing.
In that spirit, I would like to submit a third possibility, which is that in fact it was one perfectly normal sized frog, who was absolutely acing Untitled Frog Game: Ancient Egypt Edition. One particularly obnoxious frog, who through sheer hard work, managed to plague all of Egypt.
knock knock
who's there
deez
sigh
deez who ?
deez are the voyages of the starship enterprise
i posted this old as balls gifset ten years ago today
Happy anniversary old as balls gifset
@meme-conservation
We are pleased to note the continued survival of this meme to the point that it, too, is Old As Balls
LOTR Heritage Post

Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
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what "no sugar added" should mean: the natural sugars of the other ingredients like fruit are the only source of sweetness in this product
what is actually means: we added a fuckton of artificial sweeteners
i see we are all angry about this