Rami, Kink, D&D, and whatever else I want

Benjamin sighed. “Didn’t we already have this conversation?”

“Yes, but it wasn’t a conversation. You just told me ‘no’. I didn’t get a word in.”

“That's because there is nothing to discuss.” His voice was stern.

He turned his back to you signifying the conversation was over and with a huff you left the room.

He has been having the same back and forth with you for years. Every time you bring it up, he shuts it down immediately, leaving no room for debate.

Benjamin has known you your whole life. When you were an infant, he watched over you at night, keeping you safe in the orphanage that raised you.

In your hometown, orphanages were easy places for vampires to feed. They were often overrun with children and the nuns would even sacrifice those unfortunate souls who wouldn’t make it on their own.

It was not painful for the children. When the fangs pierced their skin, a chemical would release into the bloodstream similar to oxytocin but more powerful. A warm serum would run through the victim’s veins convincing them all is well in the world. They would experience euphoria. An elated joy. A calming peace and happiness until they relaxed into nothingness.

Some children were kept for longer than just one feeding. They were brought into the vampires’ homes and they would provide nourishment to their fostered families for several years before being laid to rest or turned.

Benjamin first set eyes on you the night you were brought to the orphanage. Your parents had died in a car accident. By some miracle, you survived. You had no other living family they could trace, so you were brought to the house on the hill. You were too young to know what you had lost.

The night Benjamin peeked into your crib and took in your small, helpless form he thought he’d been struck by lightning. Your eyes pierced his non-existent soul. Your babbles were like an angelic symphony never before heard. His attachment and devotion to you was immediate. He knew that he would protect you for the rest of your life.

He hid you from the others, keeping you in the shadows, never letting them choose you for feeding. He would mislead the nuns by forging the paperwork and signing off that you had already been changed, or fed, or held so they would forget about you. He took care of your every need in those early years.

He was only nineteen when he died, having barely lived a life of his own. He was turned by a self-absorbed vampire creating his own coven and knew Benjamin’s gift would be a powerful addition. Benjamin escaped his creator and roamed the last two hundred years alone. He found a life in your hometown with a group of other vampires who followed the motto, live and let live.

When you were five a family adopted you. Benjamin stayed close, visiting you at night to make sure you were safe. He had no other ties to the orphanage so he followed you into your new life.

You would talk about him to everyone when you were a child. He was your protector and best friend. Even you weren’t sure if he was real or imaginary; but he was always there.

When you were twelve, your parents moved you away without notice. Benjamin had been away hunting for a week. When he returned, your house was empty and abandoned. He ransacked the place searching for any detail that would lead him to you but found nothing. His only saving grace was catching the scent of you in the air. He tracked your scent all night, losing it for hundreds of miles some times. Each time he would retrace his steps until he picked it up again.

He finally found you months later in a remote town off the coast. And there the two of you stayed inseparable. He watched over you through the nights, weeks, and years.

When things got hard–as they often did in your early teen years–and you desperately wanted out of your life you would ask him to make you 'one of them’.

And he would always answer the same, “I’ll always be with you. But I will never turn you. I’m here to protect you.”

Some nights you begged, tears would stream down your face, plagued with the pain of a life that you didn't feel was your own. You loved Benjamin and wanted to be like him and live like him. He’d hold you those nights and pet your hair lovingly, whispering into your ear a language you did not know, comforting you until you would fall asleep from exhaustion.

Of course you understood why he wouldn't turn you but it didn't make it hurt any less. You loved him. He was your everything. The only one who knew you.

\\\

Your relationship changed gradually over the years: from guardian, to imaginary friend, to best friend, to something that had no name.

At seventeen, just two years away from the age he was before he turned, you no longer saw him as an elder, but rather a peer and a partner.

It shifted for him as well. He was always your protector but as the years passed, he found himself longing for more. He had never fallen in love with anyone before he met you. Over those 200 years, he was focused on survival. It wasn’t until you came into his life that he even looked at a human being as something other than a means to an end.

Your first kiss was a moment unlike any other. But you never saw it coming.

A boy in your grade asked you out to the school dance and on a crisp, fall day you were getting ready. Benjamin wasn’t around when you left but you had a smile on your face and pep in your step. You felt normal for once.

When you and your friends got to the dance, your date was already there talking to another girl in your class. Not wanting to interrupt, you hung around in his line of sight waiting for him to notice you. When he didn't, you went up to him.

"Hey," you said shyly, tapping him on the shoulder.

"Oh hi," was all he said. He turned back to keep talking to the girl. When he noticed you weren't taking the hint, he ran a hand through his hair and said, "I'm gonna get some air."

He left you standing there as you watched him leave out the back door of the gym. It felt like everyone's eyes were on you so you pretended to brush it off and slipped into the bathroom to save face.

When you came out a few minutes later and he hadn't returned, you decided to check on him. You pushed open the gym doors and looked left, to nothing, and then right. There he was off to the side of the building under a dark shadow making out with Kimmy Seever.

Your breath caught in your throat and tears welled in your eyes. You practically ran the whole way home and when you got there you ran to your treehouse in the back where Benjamin would stay after you would fall asleep at night.

Your tears came pouring out when you reached him and he pulled you in without a word and held you close as you cried into his chest.

You blubbered out what had happened, how you will never be loved, how you will never be kissed and how you will never be normal.

After holding you and listening to your cries soften with choked breaths, he lifted your chin so he could look you in your eyes and tell you everything he had always wanted to say.

He told you how you were the only one in the world he has ever loved. How watching you live your life without him broke his heart every day but he knew that was the way it had to be. And he told you, no matter what, he would always be there for you. You sat in shock as the last tear fell and you saw him for the first time.

You stared into each other's eyes for what felt like an eternity before he leaned in and kissed you chastely on the lips. His lips were warmer than you'd ever imagined and when you opened your eyes you didn’t feel nervous or confused. You felt surer than you’d ever felt before.

After that, your relationship deepened. You would fall asleep in each other's arms and kiss each other good night. You would spend hours talking about everything and nothing.

But without fail, no matter how many wonderful days you'd have together, you would always come back to that ask.

This night was no different.

“Change me.”

“Not this again.”

“Benjamin, I want to be with you. To live your life. I’m not meant for this world.”

“I’m not discussing this. My life is not a life. I won't take yours away from you.”

It pained him every time you asked because of course he wanted that too. Of course he wanted you to be with him forever. To live in the afterworld together forever. But that wasn't your destiny. Nor his decision to make.

That night headed down the same path so many nights had before. From heartbreak, to desperation, to hopelessness and finally sleep.

The only thing Benjamin could do was hold you and hope that was enough.

You stopped asking after that.

You were turning 19 in a few weeks and it wouldn't be long before you surpassed Benjamin in mortal age. It wouldn’t be long before your life would move forward and he’d stay in the past. Both of you were coming to terms with that reality.

Although you had spent many nights together, you hadn’t done anything more than kiss and hold onto one another. You were both tentative; innocent. Not to say you weren’t interested in each other physically, but you generally kept safe boundaries when it came to intimacy, not knowing how to navigate the intricacies of that dynamic.

A week before your birthday you were sitting on the bed in your room, backs against the headboard having just put on a movie. As the plot dragged on, you put your hand on his thigh, caressing lightly. A kiss here and a tender pet there were all it took before you were on your back and he was settled between your legs nuzzling your neck and kissing your lips languidly.

The slow passionate movements sent a flood of arousal through your entire body and you bucked your hips to meet his. He matched your thrusts, grinding slowly against your fully clothed body. He pushed your hair to the side to kiss along your jaw and down to another spot on your neck you liked. He licked and then kissed you there, sucking the taut skin.

With a moan, you reached between your bodies and rubbed him through his pants for the first time. The new feeling sent a jolt through him. He growled a low purr and his mouth opened around the spot on your neck before he bit down hard with arousal. You yelped in pleasure.

He kept sucking at your neck as hard as he could while you did the same with your firm grip on him. You both moaned into the pleasure you brought one another.

Both of you were breathless and panting as you gained some control and softened your touch. As he closed the kiss to your neck he tasted something metallic on his lips and pulled them in to lick the flavor. That's when the light left his eyes. His face froze, all color left his face and his eyes grew wide.

“No no no no no. NO!” Benjamin bellowed, his voice laced with terror in the back of his throat. “Look at me! Look at me!” he shouted.

“I feel strange.” Your voice was relaxed and euphoric, expressing a peace like no other. You were in your own kind of drunk state, turning pale at the loss of blood Benjamin had already consumed without even realizing it.

“What do I do? What do I do? What do I do?!” he repeated as he looked around the room for answers. “This was not part of the plan!”

“What’s wrong?” you asked with a goofy grin.

He fumbled around trying to make sense of what happened. How this happened. How he let it get that far.

"I bit you." He whispered, unable to look you in the eye when he said it.

He shifted on his knees and leaned over you. "It's going to be okay. You're going to be okay," he reassured you but you're none the wiser, swimming in your own dreamy state of poisoned arousal.

"Of course I am, silly. You keep me safe." You sighed sweetly and reached up to stroke his terrified face.

"I need you to listen, okay? There's no right side to this. I either lose you forever or you lose your life. I don't know what to do. I can't lose you." He closed his eyes, "I can't lose her."

He scanned the room trying to figure out how to save this. To save you.

His thoughts raced. It wasn't supposed to be like this. She was supposed to live until old age. She was supposed to have a life. I did this. I did this!

///

"What happened?" You asked, blinking awake in the bed.

Benjamin had been sitting across the room for the past hour, unable to look at you. He's heartbroken. Defeated. Lifeless.

"Benjamin?” you asked, "What's going on?”

"It wasn't supposed to be like this." His bloodshot eyes flicked to yours and you started to put the pieces together.

"Am I? Did you?"

He nodded solemnly and her eyes lit up.

"Benjamin! This is great news! This is everything I ever wanted”–

"You could have died!" He cut her off, anger radiating from every pore.

She tensed at his outburst, taken off guard. Her face dropped and a frown appeared.

"I've waited for this. You know that."

"But that's not what I wanted. I was supposed to protect you. To keep you safe!"

Her soft edges hardened to match his roar. "Why? Who told you that was your job?” she paused. “That's right. No one! You saved me. You saved me in that orphanage and you saved me now. Don't you ever think for one second that you haven't given me everything in my life I've ever needed. And now you’ve given me this. Maybe this was why you were brought into my life all along. Maybe this was meant to happen!"

Benjamin was silent. Nothing he could say could make you understand why this was the worst thing he’s ever done. He stepped closer, trembling with the knowledge that he had already lost you, and searched your eyes.