For Shayme

I love my partner more than anything but for the remaining like half hour we played every single time they guessed anything right I'd be like "OH? THE HEIGHT WAS CORRECT? WAS IT CORRECT THIS TIME?" and when they guessed wrong I'd be like "AH, I SEE THE HEIGHT WAS INCORRECT. THAT WAS THE PROBLEM. MAYBE YOU SHOULD HAVE FIXED THE HEIGHT" and they'd be like "You are SO angry"

Forgot about this post! Anyway there's a new Minions movie apparently and every time I see it I get so fucking steamed and I'm like "How's the HEIGHT, does it seem ON MODEL TO YOU" to my partner and they're like "You are still so mad"

you're not making enough of stone fruit season. that's another thing you're fucking up. a few dozen stone fruit seasons you get your whole life. you need to take a hard look at your peach and mango consumption.

Some of the categories for the NYT Connections fills me with hatred and wrath. What do you mean “dog breeds with the first letter changed” i’ll kill you

people who only use conventional social media are so funny bc they’ll casually be like “can I see your tumblr??” are you Insane. this is no instagram or twitter. this is my vault of secrets

completely lirious and ranged. absolutely lusional. not only mented but fective, too. engaging in praved behavior. a real generate

if you're having trouble sleeping the best you can do is put a bright object close to your face and look at it for at least 30 minutes. if that doesn't work you can close your eyes but make sure to think really hard about a bunch of bullshit

forever thinking about that girl at my uni orientation who, after being told to pour out her water bottle before entering an event, looked at me and said "they tell us to stay hydrated and then make us pour out our water, this is like totally kafkaesque" and then poured out what was very obviously an entire water bottle full of whiskey. hope she's doing well.

who turned them german mid tag ?

how do you know they were transformed midday?

They had a kid once