The Euphio

Highly recommend.

Edit: LOL found this in my draft. This was 2.5 years ago when I had my first kid. Now I have second one and I didn’t get an epidural 😭😭😭 it all happened too quickly. I got to the hospital after 12ish hours of labor at home and I was immediately sent to the delivery room, had him in 20 mins. No time to rest or anything.

Now I just have to wait for the Eufy pumps to go on sale and I’ll have what I want for the 2nd time around. I cannot wait!

Today’s mostly to write out my grief.

Umm… I found out yesterday my aunt passed away.

She was my favorite and closest aunt on my mom’s side and she unexpectedly passed.

I don’t know why but I feel a little angry. I feel like she could have been saved. If they had just gone to the hospital like the clinic had advised. Or if like my mom said, if they hadn’t gone that long.

She was looking forward to this trip as it had been years since she went there. She…

I miss her so much. I miss my family.

I’m so grateful I had her as my aunt and that I saw her over the summer with my daughter.

But anyways.

I’m writing cause I read a post yesterday about this girl I met in college. She just had her baby 2 weeks ago at 33 weeks and 5 days later, the baby passed.

Reading that…. I can’t imagine what they’re going through and I am extremely blessed for my little one.

My little girl is truly a blessing and a sweetheart. I feel so bad for the way I’ve been this past few days. Honestly I should be more grateful because not everyone has the same opportunity as me.

I just want to run away. Leave everything behind and move somewhere new where no one knows me.

I just feel like I’m not fit for this lifestyle or culture. It’s just not me. Idk. Am I not trying hard enough? Or am I just idk. I’m tired. Honestly I’m also checking out of this marriage too. Have been. I’m sure he has too. Why are we still together?

We’re always going to have differences and it seems like it’s not gonna get better. Sure we say all this stuff we fight about is insignificant but it adds up and it’s just so tiring.

The past few days she has been meeting a lot of people and everyone has said she’s an easy baby, not scared of strangers or clingy to mom.

She is super independent. She can play by herself for a while and she’s a great eater. Not picky at all.

These days I’m also a little sad that she’s not the little beeb I remember. I keep looking at old pictures of when she was 6-7 months or even younger. She’s so precious. So small. So cuteee!

I of course am one of them, but omg. Did no one tell them we were going???

I’m over here shaking my head because they’re asking these stupid questions. Like….. what?

Whatever. This trip has really made me annoyed of them.

I’m not gonna do this again. How stupid can I be??

Omg….

I feel like… I usually don’t get annoyed with her but idk why but to me she feels entitled here. Is it cause the house is bigger? Is it cause it’s her territory? Idk

I just think…. It’s a lot of her way or just her way.

An example: I got a lot of baby stuff from my cousin to borrow while I’m here. Turns out the high chair we don’t really like. This I can understand because I think it’s old and dirty, but they have plenty, plenty! Of space here to just have it here for a week. Of course I would take it back eventually but she heard I was going back home yesterday so she told me, I don’t remember if she even asked but she was like since we’re not going to be using this can you take it back home because it’s just going to take up space here.

Dude…. And she was just telling me the other day they don’t want to get any furniture for the house (it’s really barebones) because they don’t know how long they’re gonna live here. So yeah they have the space. The living room downstair is literally a storage with boxes of stuff they haven’t unpacked since they move back last year.

But you know what I can’t say anything because it’s their house, their rules. So the high chair is just sitting in my car because I was too tired and it wasn’t in my plan yesterday to drop it off.

The other thing was… I woke up about an hour ago because my daughter woke up and I went down to make her formula.

I hear my MIL wake up and racing down to the kitchen to tell me to move my car. Like WTF you have two cars, I’m pretty sure she’s not going anywhere either tomorrow so I don’t get why my SIL can’t drive her car..?!?! So you know I’m fucking tired and she asked me for my key but then told me to move my car.

Just so and idk if this is something to get riled up about, but I just feel like I’m being bossed around.

She def judged the way my car was when we went shopping the other day. I mean I’m not proud of it either but damn… she’s not subtle about these things.

The other thing I honestly do not understand is why she constantly wants to go back to Taiwan… I can understand if it’s the health insurance stuff, but I feel like every time she goes back everyone is in high alert or walking on tiptoes and she also has to work at nights over there and isn’t getting much sleep so she’s in a bad mood. And like… why. Why do that to yourself??

Oh but then she also doesn’t want my SIL to be here by herself for too long and so she’ll try to tell her to go around the same time as her but SIL wants to go another time where the weather is much cooler.

Idk. Idfk. I’m just nodding my head and doing what I should do as a guest here. But man does my blood boil.

I’m so stupid. Never move to another country for love. Unless… you really like the culture and you’ve been together for more than a year.

To be clear, I made it very clear to my husband that this is my first mother days day and I wanted it to be special. Anything after is eh. I also told him I only wanted cake.

Well, the night before he went and dropped off our daughter at his dad for the night. When he came back he had flowers, cake, and a bunch of cards. I was blown away. I also had a feeling he was planning something cause I saw a text but I wasn’t expecting flowers since I told him before I didn’t want to get flowers after the last time on my birthday (I love getting flowers, but I didn’t get to enjoy them since we went away for the weekend and they wilted 😭😭).

He then tells me he has the whole day planned out for us the next day. I felt very…. Grateful to have him in my life. I know when I get mad I hate him. I want nothing to do with him, I mean as with anyone, my brothers, my mom lol but I think this probably happened because we got in a fight last month where I told him I felt like I wasn’t being respected and I felt like I was shouldering a lot of the baby care and responsibilities around the house. I’m glad he listens.

Anyways. Back to yesterday. We went to a hot spring in the morning. It was pretty cool and relaxing. It was at an old Japanese base turned spa lol. We saw a huge ass bee and decided we were done. that’s how that ended.

For lunch we went to this… national park? It was a bunch of rocks that were shaped like stuff. The most famous one was the queen’s rock. It was pretty neat. We had lunch there and took some pictures.

Afterwards we went home and rested a bit before I went to my massage. It was pretty relaxing, though I could have asked the masseuse to be a little more gentle. It was good. I got home and he left for ball so I was home alone. I made dinner and then chilled in bed until he got home.

Yup.. that was my day. I forgot to mention that he said some very sweet things on Saturday that made me cry. Very touching.