she isn't surprised. in him, she sees a mirror, empty, he doesn't know himself, he is a sinking, black hole of a person, looking for something to grasp onto, but finding himself so engrossed in nihilism to know how to do it. everything is an effort made MONUMENTAL with the emotional burdens that came along with it, and given the absence of his, how could he find such a life tolerable? playing pretend didn't suit him well~ she's beaming, at the idea that he's grown into that understanding back in the real world.

"new scars? maybe life lessons~" did he like it? did he manage to reintegrate into life, in a way that he felt content with? her lips warm, ever so slightly. "of course i missed you~ you're not so EASILY FORGOTTEN. you were always someone who played this game better than anyone, but, it did reveal a part of your character i found interesting... your choice not to stay felt unexpected. you seemed like the ideal person to build and build and build to your heart's content, and you don't see people the same way. so why not play god?"

that's the real question she hopes to see answered by him this time. perhaps his own laziness prevented him, but he was a soul made sharp and hostile, and yet, wielded with such unbothered aplomb. he's a puzzle, a piece, a trick of a man that defied all expectation! how could alice not watch, with wide eyes and parting mouth. tell me, show me~ she suspected, he'd be as ELEGANT as anything. "who are you here for~?" maybe that's where it starts.

LIFE LESSONS? She might be on to something with that whether she is aware of it or not. That Niragi was right ; or maybe that changing is not easy nor as satisfying as he thought it would be. Everyone acts like it is a relief to change, but Chishiya has found it LACKLUSTER AT BEST. It does not earn him any sense of pride or relief to be a better person. That hollow abyss in his chest is still there. The indifference, the apathy. Going back had ultimately been AGONIZING in a way. Not at first ; not when figments of memories and dreams had simply clung to him like spiderweb threads. It hadn't been so bad then. But once he had truly remembered? It had been impossible to look at the world the same. An already boring world turned bleaker. In here Chishiya could be himself, ugliness more out in the open rather than hidden way.

" Yes. Don't get into a shootout with a gunsman. " Chishiya replies back with a smirk, dry humor that others often found INSUFFERABLE rising to the surface. How strange to hear the words that follow. Although he had offered the comment in jest, he hadn't expected confirmation. People don't miss Chishiya. " I do have a way of leaving a lasting impression. " He agrees. In here, most people had died for that ; their last sight that of cold, calculating gaze watching with a casual indifference to their suffering and agonies.

He doesn't disagree with her assessment. It had been a more unusual choice for him. Though by the end he had grown bored with many of the games, there was the undeniable fact he had met interesting people here in a way that he had never before in the real world. ( Other world? This world was just as real. More so in some ways, baring the soul and nature of those who found themselves here in ways the other world hid. ) But there had been practical reasons as well.

the response he got back was not what he expected, nor how it landed: it was brutal, it was clean, sliced down the middle. no rise in volume, no change in his lineaments. he even noted how the chopsticks in his hand cared not to shake. that was almost worse ⸻ the absence of tremor and the calm acceptance. his own mother's lineaments flashed up in his mind: calloused hands, tired spheres, the way pride had lit them the first time she had seen him stand tall in fights, even when she had hated everything that made him fight. on the outside, sett simply froze mid-bite, chopsticks hovering halfway to his mouth. his aurete spheres observed chishiya's side profile, catching the calm mask, the way his gaze slid off to the others at the table instead of staying on sett.

he swallowed his mouthful, throat suddenly dry, and forced his posture to stay loose. ❝ is that so... huh. ❞ he murmured, tone even, not infuriated. the surprise burned in his chest, but he laid it flat, smoothed it out, tucked it away. chishiya turned back to him, and for a second their gazes locked [ ... ] he just looked back, steady, neither pitying nor dismissive. if chishiya wanted it to mean nothing, sett would pretend along.

" That it is. " He confirmed after swallowing the mouthful of food. Sett is trying to - what? Keep calm? That much was obvious, though why he found IMPOSSIBLE TO FATHOM. Still, he found himself relieved that a scene wasn't caused over it. Their eyes had locked ; they both knew, and they both played Chishiya's game of pretend. That was exactly the desired outcome he'd wanted as soon as the topic had begun to come up.

i’m still here. and so are you.

weird dreams. i still have this headache that won’t go away.

okay, no more goodwill gestures from me.

you said something to me i’ve never forgotten.

well, you can’t miss that.

so your concussion symptoms were pretty mild, but we’re still going to want to keep you overnight, okay?

i don’t want to talk about myself.

sorry. i’m sick.

i’ve always hated to talk about myself to other people, especially when i’m in a bad place.

so, the best thing to do is to pick a word or a phrase that’s really easy to bring up in a conversation.

um, it’s just my head. it’s been all over the place.

so listen, buddy.

it was a few weeks after you first told me about the scars on your (body part), where they really came from.

don’t make it a big thing, mom.

i’m going to kill myself.

anyway, give me a call back. let’s catch up.

just calling to say happy new year.

i bought a gun.

who knows how bad things could have gotten if we hadn’t showed up?

it feels like it’s easier to block things out most of the time.

yeah, you’re just trying to bond with me. i know how it works.

you were so afraid to talk about it back then.

i’ll tell you, a bunch of strange happenings going on in this plot.

do you have the gun in your hand right now?

i just wanted to call and say i was sorry about before.

you know, as a kid, the idea of the afterlife scared me.

it’s just a little coffee burn.

hang on a sec. honey.

i don’t feel, i am. i am fucking powerless.

you never, ever listen.

i’m scared though. but i’m still here.

you see, there’s a part of me that can understand the feeling that the whole world is rigged against us.

get it through your fucking head that you’re not going to talk me down.

when you do, we’re going to talk more, okay? we’re not going to hide things.

i’d just like to talk a little bit about how you’re feeling.

i need to go on a walk.

but anyway, whoever you are, thank you.

i’m not calling you to be fucking saved. you should treat this like it’s already happened.

and give that hot bath a try, okay?

tell me a story. one from when you were a kid.

i know it’s strange, but i’m here to tell you there’s hope. and no matter how bad you’re feeling right now, those feelings, they’re survivable.