australian garbage

would die for a fresh hot corn on the cob rn

i forgot where i was. cock on the cob i guess

corn on the cock. i hate it here

little kids r so funny when presented with any new information like theres this girl I teach who has two moms and a sister and I was like "wow your family is all girls! that's so funny, if my husband and I had a boy, we'd be all boys haha!" And she was shocked that two boys could get married like honey did you think gay marriage was a girls only event

when an npc in a sneak games goes “What was that” babygirl dont worry about it 

if i was a court jester i’d flirt with the king at any given opportunity. subtle at first but if he was interested and we’d share banter then i’d sit in his lap. then he would say i’m the funniest silliest little man alive and kiss me with tongue

how could he NOT fall in love with me though like i am literally there making him giggle, daily. a grown man covered in gold and he is just laughing at my stupid little jokes. i have that bastard wrapped around my finger. He knows it

They're lovers

women hate me and fish have to avert their eyes in my presence lest they succumb to lust

i think putting some dumb shit or even just being rude on a stranger's post should be a punishable offense

last night we were on a call and indy was stalking my blog saw this and asked if this person was in my server and i had to explain to them that no this person is a stranger their addition was just so fucking funny that i didn't care

stung by bees

Reblogging again because I just realized that if I had this advice in high school I would’ve never made a tumblr account.

Also works for most of those news sites like WSJ or NYT that only let you read a little bit, or block adblockers. Also some disable the scroll bar but if you go to the right side of the console after hitting F12 and look for the CSS element “overflow” and change it from “hidden” to “visible” then you can continue scrolling for free. Might have to click around on different parts of the page to find it, but it should work.

shit I missed my window, next week I guess

Reblog on Tuesday to let your followers know it’s safe to leave the bog

intricate rituals

you could never understand a warrior’s bond

i enjoy video games because they let me live out my wildest fantasies, like being assigned a task and then completing that task

fuck his shit up Nancy you wild bitch