hot mess @shadybbaby - Tumblr Blog

the worst feeling is crying in ur mother’s arms because of the trauma she gave u

#cptsd #mental health #life sucks #tired of this shit #thoughts #complex ptsd #depressing shit #sorry for being depressing #mommy issues

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life actually brings me pain

feels like my soul is dying

feels like a black hole that sucks everything from me

feels like something is torturing my heart

i feel it in my mind and on my body

constant incomparable pain

it’s worse than physical one

you can treat a broken bone and take the pain away - make it all stop

not here

you can only pray

make it stop

please make it stop

god help me

please stop

i can’t do it anymore

so we do everything we can to numb that pain

doing drugs

drinking too much

cutting

partaking in risky behaviors

are we in the wrong here?

how are we supposed to survive, living with the pain?

without escaping.

#bpd blog #actually mentally ill #quiet bpd #bpd thoughts #depressive episode

life fucking sucks man

so me and my bestie got into an argument. i’ve been smoking a lot of🍃 lately. like everyday for about 2 weeks. she was really worried about it and told me to quit and i said that i will try. but i haven’t really. i got high because of my other friend’s birthday. i feel really bad rn. she helped me stop using harder drugs, so yeah i’m feeling really bad about it. i don’t want to make any excuses, i know i fucked up, but i’m just trying to get by. living with bpd, in a toxic household and also being stressed about final exams that can get me to uni is really hard. i’m trying everything to stay alive. i try for her, cause she is really important to me, but sometimes i lose hope. i have already lost any to mend my relationship with my mom. is it wrong that i help myself like that? i’m too high for this shit

#bpd blog #bpd stuff #venting #bpd thoughts #drugs tw

time to ramble again..

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bpdbiteme

haha, i wish i could actually think through my problems instead of defaulting to suicide as an option.

shadybbaby

i have an urge to ruin my whole life

shadybbaby

well i did lmaoo

i started using dr0gz://

i’m really disappointed in myself and i want to stop, but for a while i could actually be happy. big reason why is also that my fp is a druggie. sooo yeah.

like really i became a person i never wanted to be, 12 yo me would be disgusted if she saw what i became, what i’m doing, how i’m doing

#actually bpd #actually mentally ill #bpd blog #quiet bpd #drugs tw

thoughtkick

“Healing is a gentle lover, sometimes it only comes when you invite it in.”

— Myss Bradley, healing comes softly.

i have an urge to ruin my whole life

#bpd thoughts #bpd blog #actually mentally ill

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hisworstnightmare

surqrised

“There are a few things in life so beautiful they hurt: swimming in the ocean while it rains, reading alone in empty libraries, the sea of stars that appear when you’re miles away from the neon lights of the city, bars after 2am, walking in the wilderness, all the phases of the moon, the things we do not know about the universe, and you.”

— Beau Taplin, “And You”

finelineborderline

the shame that comes with BPD is fucking horrible. i feel ashamed for so many things - namely, having BPD in the first place. im all too aware that too many uninformed individuals have these negative ideas in place of what someone with BPD does or what they act like and it just hurts because i want to scream at them “you’ve got it all wrong!” but they’ve already made their minds up.

and then i get mad at them - they have the luxury of “moving on” from the discussion, and i don’t (but god i wish i could). they don’t have BPD so they can spew their hatred and vitriol and call it a day. i have to exist as someone with it.

i got out!!!

lol i have bpd

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amievenreal

I don't want to kill myself like I romanticized when I was younger. I now wish that I could simply just stop existing.

too-witches-to-come-sorry-deact

Someone once said to me, “I hope the pain eases soon.” It struck me as the purest blessing that had ever been offered over my head - I hope the pain eases soon. It’s so gentle, so kind, so hopeful. So to everyone who’s hurting: I see how hard you’re trying, and I hope your pain will ease soon.

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