Adventures in Obsessive Compulsion

I can't stop ranting, I'm sorry ;o;

I've had three major meltdowns in the past week and crying that hard puts a gigantic toll on my body.  Also, went one period of 48 hours on three and a half hours of sleep- and in case you weren't sure, I am the biggest sleep-wimp on the planet.  I'm tired if I don't get about nine hours every night...

Which brings me to my next point...  I'm not sure where my inherent laziness stops and my massive depression begins or if it's all depression, but I feel like a slug.  Every morning, I heave my heavy, slow, torpid body out of my bed shuffle into the living room to sit down and check my emails/messages/notifications and start a load of dishes (and honestly, even that's been an accomplishment lately).  Recently, at this point of my day, I've been unable to keep my fucking eyes open and end up dragging myself into the game room to lay down on the futon- sometimes for another two and a half hours.  Needless to say I'm hardly getting anything done, but like, I'm not just tired.  I'm exhausted.  My vision is super blurry and I can't read because of how exhausted I am.  It's like I'm narcoleptic; the second I lay down, I'm asleep again.  My entire cycle of consciousness feels like it's based on caffeine.  Drink a coffee before work, survive my shift.  Then, because I have insomnia that keeps me up until three or four in the morning every night, have a cup of chamomile tea before bed and sometimes that helps.

So I made an appointment with my OBGYN like, three months ago for a standard pap smear and all that goodness in the middle of august.  Well, the office calls me yesterday to leave a message saying that the doctor isn't going to be in on my appointment day and I have to reschedule.  Since I already think the guy is a condescending fuck for being FAR more concerned with my weight and whether or not I have a body hair issue than the cysts in my ovaries or the blood tests showing my hormones are apeshit, I said fuck that and called to tell them I'm not rescheduling.

The receptionist then asks if I'm leaving the practice entirely.  I said no, because I already had a regular obgyn doctor and my physician referred me to this second place for my ultrasounds/etc.  I just wanted to go back to my regular specialist for a simple pap smear.  THEN she tells me 'well, the policy is that if you cancel and seek treatment elsewhere we have to remove you from the practice.'  

LOL OKAY FINE.  

Made a doctor's appointment for Tuesday morning after Dr. Dante brushed me off.  My regular physician is a good guy so hopefully he will have better advice than 'constellation of symptoms in line with the disease, but not actually the disease'.  Also, sleep apnea is another symptom of this I know I have and, tbh, I am NOT looking forward to the sleep lab to get a legitimate diagnosis on that.  

I'm getting butthurt over the lack of solutions and the lack of help.  Even with insurance, this is costing me hundreds of dollars a month and I'm still in pain.