╳|| LOW ON SELF ESTEEM ; so you run on gasoline

Karen never minded, she never minded that they were lying, or at least that’s what she would tell herself. With each rendezvous she had, with each fling she partook in, it took a piece of her with it, breaking her down into making herself wonder, was that truly all she was good for? Was she truly only worth the appearance of her body?

Maybe it was the fact that Karen was so desperate for someone to care for her, for someone to love her. For someone to hold her and soothe her, and even listen to her feelings and dry the tears from her eyes, to prove that she was worth more than what she could give someone. She put the front of a confident woman, comfortable in her own skin, never allowing the real Karen to show, never allowing the fact that even though there were so many men showering her in compliments, she never once believed any of it. Not once did she truly feel as though their words were genuine; she never would, for that matter.

Still, there was one man that she could let those walls down around, one man that she craved, night and day. She wanted him, she needed him, his immortality be damned. Until the day Karen Lilica died, it would always be Leo that she craved in every way possible: body, soul, and mind. It was him, and it would only ever be him that she desired.

He gave her something that no other man could, made her feel like no man could make her feel. The protection she felt around him, and the way he made her feel how others meant to make her feel, but never succeeded, it was all so new and completely terrifying for Karen. Being with him elicited feelings that she swore she would never feel in order to protect her already fragile heart. 

It was as if he was the only normal thing in her life, the only thing that proved she was human, that she wasn’t the monster she believed herself to be, that she wasn’t the mess of a woman that she knew she was. She found comfort in his presence, in being with him.

Truthfully, Karen hasn’t slept around nearly as much as people think. She has gone quite far with many different men, but very few has she actually gone all the way with. Why? Well that answer is very simple, and very easy to answer.

Sex requires some degree of vulnerability, and a risk of emotion. That’s something Karen was not willing to risk, especially not the emotions part. Usually, in order for her to actually be willing to have sex with someone, she would have to detach herself, and very rarely did she ever make any degree of eye contact.

Fairy Tail + Green-Haired Characters

     ⇉ requested by anonymous

1.) Describe your character’s relationship with their mother or their father, or both. Was it good? Bad? Were they spoiled rotten, ignored? Do they still get along now, or no?

Karen was very young when both her parents were gone. Karen’s relationship with Abigail was a great one. Each memory of her mother, Karen remembers that she was kind, and that she was very loving to her no matter what. Karen loved her mother dearly, and from a young age she remembers her mother teaching her that spirits were her friends, not her tools. Both were very spirited, and both had big dreams, none of which Abigail could accomplish due to her deteriorating health after she learned of her husband’s betrayal. Still, Karen would sit by her bed day after day, laughing with her mom and listening to her speak. Only when she had to take care of her personal business (i.e. shower, use the restroom, etc.) would Karen leave her side, and her mother’s death took a serious toll on her found in this drabble and in this headcanon. Though, after her father left, she became angry, and she spent less and less time with her mother, mostly keeping herself locked away, in both her bedroom and in her own mind. She deeply regrets this, and she remembers the people that worked for her mother would ask Karen to come see her mom, because Abigail would always ask for Karen, but she wouldn’t leave her room enough in order for that to happen. She hates herself for it, she hates that she ignored her mother’s dying wish because of her own loathing of her father.