BOLDLY GOING SIZZLE SIZZLE

Dick Grayson who comes from the same type of tragedy, only he doesn’t have a billion dollars (or a father figure like Alfred) to fall back on.

This little kid who wants to take on the mob personally - is now targeted by kidnappers who want Bruce’s money - and is suffering from a complete lack of self preservation and the innate compulsion to swing from every chandelier in Bruce’s home.

This kid, who some people in Gotham’s high society look upon with a predatory gaze and whisper things like ‘Talon’ and ‘Court of Owls’ and a dozen other things that Bruce isn’t sure about…. But Dick has nothing and no one and Bruce HAS to step up and be there for him.

So Brucie, with his years of marital arts training (because he still loves his fitness and the ability to defend himself) has to quickly become someone who’s able to protect this kid. Everyone in Gotham thinks Bruce has matured and settled down because he’s a father now - and they aren’t Wrong per se but really - when your kid is that much of a daredevil/trouble magnet, a Bat-themed vigilante gets born out of necessity because Robin was going to go fight the darkness with or without Bruce’s help.

"I poured myself a bowl of cereal that had no cockroaches in it."

"Her hair - which was real human hair, growing naturally from her own scalp - was brown."

"I walked to my car which I legally owned and whose rightful ownership had never been under question or dispute."

"Their dog was barking in a way that is entirely normal for a regular, full-blooded dog, and could not be mistaken for the vocalisations of a half-wolf, a jackal, or perhaps a hyena."

If you want a happy wholesome superhero family, read Superman or Flash comics

If you want a messy but loving power couple paired with a group of disaster teens/young adults, read Aquaman and Green Arrow comics

If you want non-traditional family relationships and co-worker drama, read Wonder Woman, Captain Marvel, Titans, and Green Lantern comics

[ID: A series of fake tweets set in the universe of The Batman (2022), from the perspective of Gotham’s citizens. They read as follows:

Cedric C. (@/cedricccc): Ever since the flood last year, I’ve seen a few weird fringe theories about who the Batman is, but the craziest shit I’ve ever heard are the folks who think Bruce Wayne is the Bat. My man looks one dropped ice cream away from a mental breakdown.

Penny E. Larson (@/penny4urthots): i went to high school with bruce wayne at gotham academy. we got partnered together to dissect a frog and he started crying when he saw it. i had to do all the cutting. This man is #notthebat and we also need to protect him at all costs

R. Wilson (@/gothamtoaustin): I used to work for Wayne Ent. before I moved to TX. One day Wayne had to give my department a presentation and he was so awkward it hurt to watch. He dropped all his index cards, mumbled the whole time, zero eye contact. There’s no way. #notthebat

Javier Perez (@/itsjaviiiii): Bruce Wayne came into the 7-11 I used to work at, got an icee, realized he forgot his wallet as i was checking him out, then put the icee down and speed-walked away before i could get a word in edgewise. i would have given it to him for free. anyway yeah #notthebat

Alice Li (@/aliceingotham): Bruce is a regular at my grandparents’ restaurant. He gets take out a few times a month. I can’t tell you how incredibly soft-spoken this man is. My grandma always tries to take care of him but he shrinks away. Can confirm he is definitely #notthebat

Noah Crocker (@/gothamisnumba1): This poor bastard. Leave him alone. I was at that library charity thing last month and I saw him honest-to-God hiding behind a curtain. I went over to ask if everything was ok but a GCPD guy got to him first and pulled him out of the room. Cut him some slack guys. #notthebat

Libby H. Lewis (@/gothamlibby): Gotham, come on now. We can at least protect our boy Bruce Wayne from this nonsense. Are we all forgetting that time when he “ran away” as a teen and was found crying in a port-a-potty at an AFI concert? It was in the news for months. Leave him alone. #notthebat /End ID]

I mean, for a certain value of focused … yeah.

(That value of focus is “have to start field trips by directing the student riding shotgun that they must grab the wheel whenever the van drives through a rock cut or canyon because the professor will be busy ogling the rock formation out the driver’s-side window” but it technically counts as “focused.”)

Calm?

These are people who throw things across their classroom when a volcano movie gets something wrong, and pour liquid nitrogen under the door to their colleagues’ offices as a prank.