Service and Absolution

I didn’t know for the longest time that I was a sadist. In fact, in the vanilla world I am the furthest thing from what people would imagine as a dominant or sadist. Ok, maybe not the furthest thing but people are generally surprised when they find out. As I’ve discovered and explored my sadistic tendencies over the last 6 or 7 years I’ve learned that there are generally two types of masochists. I’m going to write about them as women because that is who I have experience with but I imagine that male masochists fall along the same lines. And I know that these aren’t absolutes and there are shades of gray and some people will identify with both. 

The first type of masochists are the women who love pain. They get a gleam in their eye when they see the wartenberg wheel or the flogger come out. They love the feel of the adrenaline as it courses through their system and anticipate the dopamine rush. They are fun to play with and will often try to push the boundaries in order to get more of what they love. 

The second type are those that need the pain. Many of them do not love it and, instead of excitement, fear is written upon their faces before the session starts. They shake and sometimes cry but want the session all the same because they often need the fear as much as the pain. It fills up an emptiness within them and sets them free in a way they don’t normally find. To be honest, these are the women I love because I’m not a sadist who loves to hurt somebody but, on some level, needs to hurt somebody and as much as I enjoy hurting somebody who loves it, I crave hurting somebody who needs it. It feels as though we are nourishing each other’s souls on the most fundamental level. Aftercare is always amazing because of the sense of shared space and the communion that just occurred.