one hellova disco bitch

in FriendlyLanguage you don't say piss off you say KISS off because basically it's a lovely nicey

"i get a little bit genghis khan" was such a strange and delightful thing to say in a pop song

Everybody say "thank you south america" for the humble potato

i feel like we’re all a little bit too used to living in a world where elephants exist. what do you MEAN they do all that shit with their nose

eating? just use your nose to grab the food. drinking? suck up water in your nose and spray it in your mouth. holding things? good thing you have a nose. overheating? dont worry just splash some water or mud on yourself using-guess what its the fucking nose again. no one else does this

ive never been able to take "climb him like a tree" as a sexual innuendo seriously because i picture climbing a tree in my mind and then i picture a tall man in my mind and when i put those two things together im not seeing anything sexual. im seeing like. circus tricks.

We just fed her a [telepathically projects the image of a delicious meal into your head], so she's not going to be hungry at the moment.

it’s so easy to fall into the trap of thinking of the odyssey as the fantasy epic and the iliad as the realistic epic but all the fantastical things that happen in the odyssey are just as told by odysseus, a known liar, and there’s a literal ghost in the iliad. it’s way too easy to forget there’s a ghost in the iliad.

case in point: i forgot about the talking horse while making this post

[suddenly disillusioned] my illusions..

life is so hard when you’re a very lazy girl by nature but you also want to do a lot of things in your one wild and precious life

Glassblowers and hat makers are so funny bc they're so obviously insanely skilled in these difficult crafts and 9 times out of 10 they're using that skill to make the tackiest shit you've ever seen