i need u

It hasn’t been that many years since I started saying I’d do music I tried to do well making music in Daegu, being the principal Of a music academy or something, those kinds of thoughts hit me At any rate I only live life once, I’d better try to be number one The number one I couldn’t achieve through study It seemed like I’d earn it through music, around me ten to one said This moron is suffering from bullshit disease again Dickhead, you look well, you guys have lost Anyway I tried to do music in a little more style, first thinking I’d better get out of Daegu The powerful footsteps of this pimply high schooler fade out in front of one audition poster It said it was a rap festival held by Bang Sihyuk If it’s Bang Sihyuk then it’s that, ah, Baek Jiyoung, ah, The person, no, hyungnim who wrote Like Being Hit By A Bullet So I ended up going out in that festival with my crew hyungs First, if we wanted to make it to the finals we had to pass the preliminaries Okay, that much is just rice*, whatever After plowing through the beat they told us to rap over We started to edit, look, some kid We’ll do it like this If you were me would you do it like this? I’m talking about that company, huh? They’re gonna say they hate this genius From the company’s position this luck came This vague believe, that was the sight of my success I’m saying this since it’s all in the past, but the day after the preliminaries A phone call came, the area code number was 02 November 7, 2011, my entry into Seoul Gyeongnam has nothing, the forestallment of this Daegu country boy That evening I paid coolly for everyone What the fuck, when we calculated my eyes almost fell out One month’s living expenses were barely 30, shit I knew what it was like to live with far from enough The graveyard shift part-time job I started, uh Because of that the time I went to school was always different If I went to school all the kids came from rich families They spent many times my monthly living expenses just on alcohol And fuck, what, what? you say you don’t have any money Shut the fuck up, assholes, shut your fucking mouths Was I needy for success? No just needy for money It’d been a long time since I forgot the words ‘in style’ I practiced at night and went to my part time job at dawn Then even if I dragged that tired body to school I just slept I became 20 that way, the sight of the graduation room was suspicious Those assholes who cast their dice on staying up all night? they turned on Imported cars for their graduation gifts, I was kinda jealous of that I was jealous, but the world isn’t fair I knew that beforehand but when you have fifteen people living in a two-room About fifteen pyeong* wide Who turns on an imported car right after graduating? Okay okay okay you just watch Leave those questions about whether I’ll debut See me after one year, asshole, see what I’m doing I’ll be that savior, you’ll see the TV and call me * one pyeong is about 35 square feet; the average one-room studio apartment is about 12 pyeong. ______________________________________________________________ trans. PAPERCROWNS

orig twt. Papercrowns

there are so many important messages that suga is trying to convey to his listeners through his mixtape and im sure that if you’ve read the lyric translations, you definitely know what i mean. i am seriously blown away that we’ve been fans of bts for what, 3 years now? for 3 years, ARMYs have easily labelled yoongi as ‘lazy’, given him that ‘idagf’ image, and yet, we were oblivious to so many of his hardships. we’ve always known that he’s hardworking, more quiet than the other members, and more reflective, but this mixtape honestly blew me away because yoongi’s gone through so much in his idol career and we had no idea. 

first off, he touches on a sensitive topic that idols don’t speak openly about: mental health. he raps about seeing a psychiatrist, battling with depression, self-hate, experiencing social phobia since age 18, putting on a front, and loneliness. His entire song “The Last” really touches on this:

a word said like habit, oh, I don’t give a shit, I don’t give a fuck those words are all words I use to hide my weak self that time I want to erase, that’s right, the memories I want to erase of that day I had that concert I was afraid of people, so I hid in the bathroom and stared at myself

and in “So Far Away”:

I’m in so much pain and lonliness but people around me keeping telling me to regain my consciousness I try to vent my anger but I only got myself so what’s the point of venting my anger I’m scared to open my eyes everyday and start breathing

these lyrics from ‘At Dawn’ also illustrate this:

I pretend I’m not lonely, I pretend I’m not suffering I pretend I’m okay for no reason, meaninglessly I pretend to be strong don’t come over the wall I’ve put up in front of myself don’t throw me off this island in this wide sea 

he also talks about his struggles during his trainee days and i dont think he’s ever talked in depth about this period of his life. this mixtape gives us some insight about him moving to seoul, getting a part time job to afford the cost of living in the city, going to school dead tired after work, and still training with big hit to live out his dreams

was I needy for success? No just needy for money it’d been a long time since I forgot the words ‘in style’ I practiced at night and went to my part time job at dawn then even if I dragged that tired body to school I just slept I became 20 that way, the sight of the graduation room was suspicious

and the fact that he admits he puts up a front:

I hide the self that’s behind my defensive posture I hide myself completely like I’ve become a criminal, always I can’t even take one step outside the dorm that’s like a prison 

all of these are reasons im so moved. because it really highlights how idols only show one side of themselves to the camera, and fans can never really know them fully. we only know the version of bts’ min yoongi that he wants to show us through shows and broadcasts. 

behind every idol rapper who succeeds there’s a weak self standing, it’s a little dangerous I fall sometimes again into depression and compulsion hell no, anyway I don’t even know if that’s the real me

So far away (feat. Suran)

It’s really a b**** to not have something you want to do I know that it seems pathetic to not have a dream like every one “Everything’s going to be alright if you go to univeristy and do as we tell you” I believed in those words but I’m living because I can’t die

Just pass me the drink because I want to get drunk today so please don’t try to stop me I don’t mind the brand, it might be a luxury for a person with no job to have a drink Everyone’s running but why am I still here x2

don’t far away,  if I had a dream, if only I had a flying dream Dream, I will be there for your creation until the end of your life Dream, wherever you might be (the world) it will be lenient Dream, you will fully bloom after all the hardships Dream, your beginnings will seem humble, so prosperous will your future be

So far away, if I had a dream, if only I had a flying dream

Right, I’m living because I can’t die but I don’t have anything I want to do Even my friends and family are drifting away, I feel anxious as time passes by It feels like I’m all by myself,  I’m in so much pain and lonliness but people around me keeping telling me to regain my consciousness I try to vent my anger but I only got myself so what’s the point of venting my anger I’m scared to open my eyes everyday and start breathing I hope everything disappears when I’m alone I hope things disappear like mirage,  I hope things disappear, I hope my damn self disappears I’m abandoned like this in the world, in this moment I’m drifting away from the sky I’m falling

So far away, if I had a dream, if only I had a flying dream don’t far away,  if I had a dream, if only I had a flying dream Dream, I will be there for your creation until the end of your life Dream, wherever you might be (the world) it will be lenient Dream, you will fully bloom after all the hardships Dream, your beginnings will seem humble, so prosperous will your future be

So far away, if I had a dream, if only I had a flying dream don’t far away,  if I had a dream, if only I had a flying dream Dream, I will be there for your creation until the end of your life  Dream, wherever you might be (the world) it will be lenient Dream, you will fully bloom after all the hardships Dream, your beginnings will seem humble, so prosperous will your future be I will be there for your creation until the end of your life 

Wherever you might be (the world) it will be lenient

You will fully bloom after all the hardships

Your beginnings will seem humble, so prosperous will your future be

so far away

so far away

so far away

so far away

So far away, 

if I had a dream, if only I had a flying dream

don’t far away,  if I had a dream, if only I had a flying dream

so far away 

don’t far away

so far away

don’t far away

Dream, I will be there for your creation until the end of your life  Dream, wherever you might be (the world) it will be lenient Dream, you will fully bloom after all the hardships Dream, your beginnings will seem humble, so prosperous will your future be