하늘 땅 바다...

would you show me a little of your time?

i just need a little bit of it

—

“i’ll come pick you up after your exam.”

joohyun tapped your chin with a gentle finger, unable to suppress an amused smile at your crestfallen expression. “yah, i have school to go to too, you know.”

“that early?” you complained, even though you knew it was futile when bae joohyun made up her mind.

the older student looked at you for just a moment. or maybe not…?

“what do you want as an after school treat?” she slung her backpack onto her shoulder, moving toward the door.

“nothing.” you pouted, only to hear your unnie chuckle.

“uh huh. see you tomorrow afternoon!”

you sighed, locking the door behind joohyun and shuffling back to your late night cramming.

—

the next day was miserable, as math exam days went. you studied furtively in korean and english class, but by the time biology rolled around you couldn’t be bothered and just spaced out sleepily. the weather was beautiful out the window. you knew joohyun was in that direction, just half a kilometer away, probably in gym class and walking laps around the track arm-in-arm with her friends. how much you’d give, just to feel the sun on your skin and chatter with her for half an hour.

it wasn’t fair when the lottery assigned you to one high school, and joohyun to the other. it was comical, when you lived two doors down from each other. each morning, you met up early on the street to chat or exchange your mothers’ extra batches of banchan. joohyun’s activities as a student body vice president meant some mornings she had to depart way too early in the morning—today happened to be one such day. you’d usually see each other off with a good luck hug on big exam days like yours, but duty called joohyun.

you sighed, dropping your chin to the desk until the observant teacher called your name. one more class period…an awful exam…and then joohyun would walk across the neighborhood to pick you up, just as she promised. bae joohyun never broke her promises.

—

as expected, the exam ran overtime. you weren’t the last to leave the room, but you grew fed up with triple checking your answers and knew that joohyun had probably arrived at the school gates by now. you hopped up, dropping off your test before speed walking out the door.

“y/n-ah!” joohyun called, waving furiously to get your attention as if she wasn’t standing in her usual spot. a few students turned their heads with amused curiosity, one pair of your grade mates giggling to each other. you couldn’t bring yourself to care very much, skipping across the yard with a broad enough smile that drew delighted laughter from your unnie.

“hi joohyun unnie,” you said, peeking your head through the bars and miming being a prisoner. “will you set me free?”

“oh, stop fooling around,” joohyun rolled her eyes, reaching around the post to tug you onto her side. she smiled, reaching up to rearrange your disheveled bangs in her usual impulse. “how was the test?”

“it was fine.” you shrugged, not particularly interested in pursuing the topic.

“did you check your answers?”

“two and a half times.” you started to walk, towing joohyun away from the godforsaken institution. she fell into lockstep with you, her arm automatically looping into yours.

“two and a half?” her brows knitted, trying to decipher what that meant.

“i gave up on the third pass because i’d keep you waiting,” you admitted, trying at an appeasing expression. joohyun frowned.

“you…” she trailed off, giving up on the scolding. “i brought you bungeobbang. choux cream.”

“oh!” you beamed, accepting the greasy wax bag and taking a bite out the head of the fish bread. the filling was still warm and fresh. “you’re the best, unnie. i love you.”

joohyun laughed softly, and you watched from the corner of your eye as she briefly dipped her head away from you.

truth be told, joohyun was acting strangely lately. it didn’t quite make much sense, but she suddenly seemed both clingier and more reserved at the same time. you’d wracked your brain to try and remember if anything had happened to trigger this change, or if you had done something wrong. you couldn’t for the life of you recall anything specific.

“unnie, do you have to head home?” you asked, stopping at a quiet crosswalk. cross the street straight and you’d make it home; a left turn, and your feet would take you to your favorite cafe. having missed your morning meeting, you figured an hour or two at a cafe wouldn’t hurt.

“yeah,” joohyun answered immediately. “gotta work out a few logistics for the year end festival.”

“oh,” you said, let down for the second time. joohyun sighed, turning to grasp your hands in hers until you looked up at her.

“it’s the end of the year, us seniors have a lot to attend to,” she said gently. you wilted slightly. your year gap was something that you liked hearing less and less of.

because bae joohyun would, of course, graduate with perfect marks. then, she’d probably disappear north to attend some top seoul university, be a star student and the talk of the town up there, and forget little old you, back in your stinky old hometown.

it was a chance childhood connection and against all odds that someone like joohyun had a best friend like you. she was even the talk of your school, her reputation as the most beautiful girl in this whole town drawing boys from your school to peek into after school student body meeting windows.

she was looking at you with those pretty doe eyes now, pleading for your understanding and probably a little too hung up on what you had to say about her time.

“mmkay,” you sighed, trying not to look too pitiful. the walk light changed, and joohyun threaded her fingers through yours as you crossed the street together. she glanced over at you when she thought you wouldn’t notice, squeezing your hand once with a silent apology.

the walk was short, of course. you two stopped in front of your house, which was the closer one from your origin. she turned to look at you again, her eyes warm as she regarded you.

“talk to you later,” you said sullenly, but she caught your arm and kept you in place.

“i’ll ask my mom if you can come over for dinner, okay?”

you looked up at her, unable to ignore the unconcealed hope in her expression as she extended her olive branch. you sighed, pretending to consider her offer until she let out an annoyed whine.

“okay, fine.” you sighed dramatically.

joohyun nodded, her expression brightening. the conversation could’ve ended there, yet there was something that rooted the two of you in place.

“i’ll miss you,” you blurted, your gaze darting across her face as you tried to decipher bae joohyun’s penchant for unreadability. “when you graduate.”

the older student exhaled through her nose, still clutching your arm as if the northward wind would blow her away that instant.

“i’ll miss you too,” she said softly, and you knew she meant it. she tucked an errant lock of hair out of your face, her lips pressing into a saddened smile. “i don’t know what i’m gonna do without you.”

“you’ll be just fine,” you shook your head. “i’m not worried about you. who’s gonna bother me about triple checking my work?”

joohyun laughed weakly. “you don’t give yourself enough credit.” she rested a hand on your cheek, giving it a gentle pinch. “you’re a clever kid.”

she gave you that look, in moments when you grew acutely aware of the difference between the two of you. it wasn’t pity, or anything like that, rather a reminder that in some ways, you were always chasing after her.

“text me, all right?” you moved to turn and retreat into your house gate, but she kept a grip on your elbow. you looked up at her curiously, about to make a playful comment about how she seemed to like playing hard to get, when the look in her eyes made your thoughts stutter to a halt.

she pulled you into the shelter of your house gate, out of the narrow residential street, and kissed you. it was short and chaste, but on the lips, and it made your heart fairly stop in your heart. it was over as soon as it started, joohyun pulling away and her eyes fluttering open.

she looked at you as if you’d been the one to kiss her.

“sorry.” joohyun said, releasing your elbow. her cheeks were nearly red, you realized, her gaze fixed on the brick wall by your side. she sniffled softly, and your heart dropped.

“hey, don’t cry,” you reached out to grab the sides of her arms. “why’re we talking like this? it’s not like you’re leaving tomorrow.”

“yeah, i know.” joohyun laughed once, her lip trembling. you could see the panic growing in her eyes, as she began to realize what had happened. she started backpedaling. “sorry, i just…i got emotional and…i’m being weird, i'm so sorry—”

“you’re not weird,” you replied gently, automatically. “well, not for feeling this way, anyway.”

joohyun finally looked up, and her beautiful face was tragically, nearly poetically distraught. your best friend was not frequently vulnerable, not even around her family or close friends. it was all the unbelievably similar ways the two of you aligned that seemed to set joohyun at ease, unlike with anybody else in her life.

so maybe this had happened because she had seen it in you, too; in the way you’d looked at her for the past ten years of your lives, falling in deep before you knew what any of it meant.

you threaded your arms around her neck, pulling her close into a tight embrace.

“you’re not weird.” you muttered, and turned to press a sweet kiss to her cheek. a thousand emotions settled in the eye of the storm, until nothing mattered but memorizing the girl in your arms. “none of this is weird at all.”

joohyun melted into your hold, and you knew the relief that was washing over her, because you could feel it, too.

it wasn’t jihyo’s fault that you were dangerous. a trainee handed over from a smaller company, your reputation preceded you—you were talented, sure, but the nature of gossip in this industry was that it typically focused on beauty when it could.

and you were certainly worth talking about.

jihyo knew it wasn’t exactly appreciated when industry seniors took interest in their juniors. though these types of affairs would never leak to the public anyway. to the untrained eye, it would only seem like a close, sisterly bond; a sunbae-hoobae mentorship.

in reality, she had taken to undressing you and reveling in the fact that she was the only one who got to do so. it was fucked up, but the thought of positively owning you was enough to get her going. being at the same music show tapings let jihyo notice the way these other kids leered over you or simply fumbled. jihyo’s obviously displeased presence was enough intimidation to chase them away, and if they didn’t take a hint, irritation would bubble inside the older idol's chest. you’d know what it would mean later in the night; jihyo cursing the idiotic boys as she praised your tight cunt.

what she didn’t expect was the rage that burned through her at the sight of other industry seniors cornering your attention. it was hypocritical maybe, but she couldn’t help herself.

—

“those fucking alphas,” she panted as she undressed your body, trembling with eager anticipation. “they’d use you and throw you away.”

“i don’t think he..” you gasped as her hungry hands immediately landed on your abs, then your breasts. “i think he was just meaning to be friendly…”

“no fucking male alpha wants to just be friendly with an omega,” jihyo nearly snarled. she freed her cock, and you swallowed with a shade of apprehension as she pounced on you and dragged you down to her across the mattress. “not unless he actively hates pussy.”

“unnie,” you said softly, hypnotized by the intensity of her gaze. “condom…?”

“they’d do you without it,” jihyo responded roughly, stroking herself a couple passes. “and they’d think that’s what makes you belong to them.”

“unnie, we can’t,” you stammered, but she slipped inside as easily as she always had. except now your skin against hers felt white hot and so real, so right, you could do nothing but keen.

“god,” she rasped, grasping a thigh in either arm to draw you flush against her. you moaned hopelessly, clenching around her to see her breath stutter. “you like this, don’t you?”

“what, being fucked by my baby?” you responded cheekily, and squeaked as jihyo jammed herself deeper with a single reprimanding thrust.

“knowing how much people want you,” she clarified with a hint of true irritation. “would you be whoring around if it wasn’t for me owning your pussy every night?”

“that’s a mean word, baby,” you pouted. “i just like seeing you riled up. makes you harder, i think.”

“these men would never respect us if they did know,” jihyo growled mostly to herself, somehow incensed by the state of society even as she was buried balls deep inside of you.

“mm, talk feminism to me, unnie,” you purred, giggling as she shot you the darkest glare you’d ever seen.

“shut the fuck up,” the alpha said, and began to move, finally. park jihyo didn’t disappoint, and angry sex with park jihyo was what kept you going during bad workdays. having the sanity fucked out of you as unnie held you down was enough to make the frustrations of the day dissipate.

“mmfh,” you groaned excitedly, hoping she’d close her fingers on your neck again. but she only thrusted insistently, the sounds of your rhythm just a bit more…of something, when you were being railed by her raw cock.

ah, right.

“baby,” you panted. “we should be careful.”

“what?” she said breathlessly.

“we forgot the condom—“ you said between low moans. “you gotta…” and then words left you as she pressed a nimble thumb to your neglected clit. stars burst inside your eyelids, and you couldn’t lie that the friction was different when you could feel the heat of her cock dragging against your flesh. danger, danger, your conscience sang in shameless thrill.

“that’s the only way they’ll lay off,” jihyo said after a frenzied few moments. “if i knock you up.”

“w-what?” you giggled nervously. your eyes met hers, but there wasn’t a shade of joking; only a feral madness that clouded her vision.

“it’s the only way,” the alpha panted, her grip iron on your thighs. “they have to see proof.”

“unnie, are you insane?” you squeaked. she closed strong hands on your waist, lifting you to lean on your elbows as she savored the sensation of your body weight pressing in on her. you pressed your palms on her strong chest, feeling her racing heartbeat echoing your own.

“sorry, baby,” she said, sounding only marginally regretful. and through all this she entered you repeatedly, and you learned how good it was to let her in like this. when you squirmed she pushed you back down into the mattress, holding your hands over your head as she began to approach climax. you did, too.

“unnie,” you said weakly, one last time, but you knew as much as she did that it meant nothing when she was quite nearly feral, and every shred of your ill-advised instinct screamed for it. she thrust indulgently and then plunged deep one last time.

hot thick euphoria leaked inside of you, enough to draw tears as jihyo grazed teeth on your neck. “mine, mine,” she chanted against your skin as locked her knot inside you. her teeth sank in shallowly, and you couldn’t find it in you to care. your climax had your cunt milking her further, ripples of blinding ecstasy licking your senses in forbidden flames.

when she eventually pulled out, you felt it all smear on your inner thigh, cooling quickly until it thickened and stuck when you drew your legs together.

jihyo rolled off of you, pulling you into her arms as she nuzzled your hair. “i’ll take such good care of us, baby,” she cooed, more than enchanted by this sudden image of your motherhood. “and nobody will dare look at you like you’re some whore omega to use.”

nobody else knew that seungwan was flames and fire.

joohyun remembered when she didn’t have to be that way, when life hadn’t folded them into the strange shadows they lived as now. son seungwan had been the bright girl down the street, the one who gathered the wildflowers from her yard and thrust her bouquet into joohyun’s hand before the schoolboys could. her smile was ceaseless, her voice like sunshine, the warmth of her affection tinging their school days and sleepovers with something that made shy joohyun’s heart skip a beat.

seungwan’s fire was warm and safe. she braided yerim’s hair and wiped sooyoung’s tears, her embraces and kind eyes enough to persuade the younger ones’ confessions to what ailed them. when joohyun was at a loss, seungwan would step past her, wrapping her arms around whichever one needed to be heard. when seungwan crawled into their shared bed late that evening, joohyun would be awake for her debrief, listening silently as seungwan retold what she had heard.

seungwan wasn’t a particularly tearful person, but joohyun could hear when her voice wavered, reaching out to wipe the tears from her cheeks. 

“you’re so strong, seungwan,” joohyun said softly. seungwan curled closer, her small frame wracked with silent sobs. “i couldn’t take care of them without you.”

“this has to stop,” seungwan breathed. “i’ll…i’ll make it stop.”

joohyun only sighed, hugging the younger girl tighter. “it’s too dangerous, it’s always been too dangerous. you know that.”

but seungwan was quiet. that should’ve been enough of a sign for joohyun. she knew that seungwan only went silent when she’d made a decision.

but none of it mattered when seungwan shifted in the dark, and pressed her lips against joohyun’s.

–

“unnie.”

seulgi stood in the middle of the kitchen, staring at joohyun’s back. the eldest was whisking a hopelessly lumpy batter, too absorbed in the task to look up.

“what’s up?” joohyun tasted the mix and wrinkled her nose at the taste of stale flour. “did you find the streamers?”

“yeah.” seulgi stepped forward. “and this.”

joohyun’s gaze landed on what her half-sister had tossed onto the counter. a polaroid, taken on one of joy’s cameras: wendy’s head turned to press a kiss on joohyun’s cheek, a shaky selfie, with the words “my joohyunnie” scrawled in unmistakable handwriting on its border.

“oh–” joohyun reached for it, but seulgi was too fast, snatching it back. the older sister couldn’t bring herself to look the other in the eye.

“are you and seungwan…?” seulgi’s tone was unreadable, measured. joohyun’s cheeks were flaming, her heart threatening to burst out of her chest.

“it’s not what it looks like,” joohyun said.

“what does it look like?” seulgi asked. joohyun turned around to face her. seulgi had her arm outstretched, holding up the photo for joohyun to see again.

a blurry smile on joohyun’s lips, seungwan’s pink cheeks visible even in the desaturated colors of the expired film. a heart punctuating the end of her name, in the handwriting of a girl she had always loved.

her sister lowered her arm, catching joohyun’s gaze for the first time. there was a gentle sorrow in her eyes, but joohyun knew she had been silly to fear judgment from kang seulgi.

“i think i’ve always liked her,” joohyun said softly. “since before we were…” she trailed off.

seulgi handed the photo back to her. “how long has it been?”

“a month.”

“i’m glad you have each other.”

“yeah.” joohyun was silent for a moment, staring down at the photo. “though i want you to know that this doesn’t change anything about us, as a family. and if…” she looked up earnestly. “if anything happens between us, we promised that it would never affect you guys.”

“do yerim and sooyoung know?”

“we haven’t told them.” joohyun tucked the photo into her pocket, turning to resume her whisking so she would have something to do with her hands.

“they should know, too.” seulgi said, placing a light hand on her sister’s shoulder. “it’s not fair to them.”

“yeah.” joohyun set the bowl aside, leaning heavily on the counter’s edge. “we’ll talk, after yerim’s birthday.”

–

“there isn’t much left.”

yerim’s smile sagged as she spoke, watching seulgi spark a weak lighter over their singular birthday candle. the bic was nearly out of fluid by now, a treasured find that He had once dropped on the stairs and the girls had quickly squirreled away.

“well, we’d better be quick then,” seungwan said, quickly bursting into song. “happy birthday to you–”

joohyun touched seungwan’s arm and the girl lowered her voice. the others joined in, their song hushed as yerim stared, hypnotized by the tiny wavering flame on her strange cake. when the song ended she leaned forward, extinguishing the candle in a careful puff.

“our baby, all grown up.” seungwan squeezed yerim into a hug until the maknae protested. seulgi and joohyun tucked in next to the pair as sooyoung snapped a quick photo, giggling in satisfaction as she watched the polaroid develop. joohyun leapt up on quiet feet to begin distributing cake, watching the younger ones break into excited chatter, fawning over their yerimie. seulgi began to teach the girls the new song and dance she had been working on for this evening’s festivities. the girls shoved the furniture to the corners of the room to make space for their party. 

joohyun’s heart felt lighter than it had been in a long time. birthdays were never easy, every year that ticked by a reminder of how long they had lived between these walls. 

the middle kids were february birthdays, spent huddled at the fireplace while they hummed old songs and shared hot chocolate; sooyoung was early september, when they savored the briefly livable weather and threw open the windows to let in the cool autumn breeze. and march belonged to yerim, then joohyun. the winter would be slowly shaking itself off by yerim’s day, and the weather finally thawed by joohyun’s. 

the eldest never liked celebrations like the younger girls did. last year, she’d begged them to let it go by without fanfare. they still passed her small gifts over dinner.

when night fell on her birthday and joohyun lay awake, thinking too much, seungwan tugged her out of bed. they tiptoed to their largest window, joohyun watching in silent shock as seungwan carefully maneuvered the once-welded bolt out of its socket. the girl brushed orange rust off of her palms, seemingly familiar with the motions as she slipped on her barely-worn sneakers. joohyun watched with growing trepidation as the younger girl tested the edge of the windowsill with her palms.

“seungwan, no–!”

she hoisted herself over the low wall, landing quietly on the forest floor still dampened by the snow melt. joohyun’s urgent beckoning went unheeded. 

“keep watch for me,” seungwan whispered with a nervous grin, before disappearing into the trees. joohyun only caught brief glimpses of seungwan’s shining dark hair in the filtered moonlight, her heart pounding in her throat for what felt like a year.

but she eventually returned, lifting a fragrant bouquet of wildflowers to joohyun before scrabbling over the sill.

“look,” seungwan breathed, stepping closer until her forehead grazed joohyun’s. “pheasant’s eye. like the ones in my backyard…” joohyun looked into seungwan’s eyes, shining in the moonlight that filtered through the open window. “we can’t be that far from home.”

“they could be growing anywhere,” joohyun said, her voice cracking at the end of her sentence. she could feel the heat of seungwan’s skin near her own, the exertion of the younger girl’s escapade contained in the flush on her high cheeks. “not just near home.”

“this is the exact bouquet i used to pick for you.” seungwan had said, stepping back until the cold air returned to joohyun. she clutched seungwan’s gift, feeling the roughness of the wild stems on her palms. “the forest looked familiar, unnie.”

joohyun shut her eyes against sudden tears, unsure if seungwan could see her face when it was backlit by the open window. her voice was steady, practiced from years of remaining strong.

“we can’t be sure. we’d get lost and die out there, or he’d find us again.”

seungwan was silent long enough for joohyun to open her eyes. the younger girl had turned to the window, carefully pulling it shut and re-latching the false lock. when she turned back to look joohyun in the eye, she had that spitfire in her eyes, a quiet determination that joohyun knew she couldn’t have stopped.

“we have to try.”

—

the house rumbled like thunder, sending the girls scurrying to the corners of the room like startled mice. joohyun’s heart sank.

not today, of all days…

“maybe he’s just stomping around,” seulgi offered in a hushed voice. joohyun stepped across the room to gather the other girls close.

but the ceiling thundered again, and a familiar incoherent shout rang through the old house.

“he’s drunk,” yerim muttered. “shit.”

joohyun exhaled shakily, muttering a brief prayer before stepping toward the latched door.

“wait–” sooyoung stammered, grabbing joohyun’s wrist. “he might fall asleep soon, if he’s drunk enough.”

“no, you know that won’t happen,” joohyun said. “i’ll be back quick, don’t worry. just stay quiet down here, finish the cake.”

“seungwan unnie!”

joohyun turned to see seungwan had her hand on the rusty door handle already, shaking off yerim’s desperate grasp.

“shush,” seungwan put her finger to her lips. “it’ll be okay.”

“seungwan-ah…” joohyun said softly, but the glint in seungwan’s eyes was something she knew wouldn’t back down. 

“i’ll be back.”

son seungwan disappeared up the stairs, the other girls watching in bated breath. joohyun reached out and gently towed yerim back away from the door.

“let’s finish the cake,” joohyun whispered, stroking the maknae’s cheek. they settled on the floor in silence, unable to resist straining their ears for any sounds above them.

the house was well soundproofed, save for when He stomped around, or shouted at the top of his lungs. so when the house shook slightly, joohyun’s heart skipped a beat or two. a second stomp came just a split second later. the girls’ heads whipped around to joohyun, their gazes filled with a terror that the eldest struggled to keep from her expression.

“It’s–”

there was a crash, the sound of something–-multiple things–falling and breaking. He roared something incomprehensible–then, it happened. a quake louder than anything they had heard before, a boom that shook the bones of the old manor with finality.

“no!” sooyoung cried out, leaping to her feet and running for the door. seulgi caught her before she could reach it, wrapping her arms around the taller girl’s waist and tugging her backward with surprising strength. the two crashed to the floor, seulgi’s breath knocking out of her as sooyoung sobbed.

yerim reached the wall before the others could, pressing her ear up against the splintered wood. joohyun’s heart raced as she followed suit, and soon the four listened in silence. she could see the tears streaming down yerim’s cheeks and squeezed the maknae’s hand, trying to suppress her own trembling.

the house was deathly quiet, as still as a corpse. joohyun could hear nothing but the shaky breaths of the four waiting on this side of the door. maybe He had passed out in his drunken state, joohyun hoped. seungwan was too light to have fallen that heavily…

“we have to go,” seulgi said suddenly, pushing the others back as she tugged the old door open. the hinge squeaked loudly, and the stairs groaned under their feet, but it didn’t matter anymore.

“be careful, he might have the gun–” joohyun hissed as seulgi pushed the door open. there wasn’t a sound as they trailed in.

joohyun craned her neck at the gasps of the other girls. her eyes lit upon the scene, and her stomach lurched.

a smashed mess of furniture, porcelain, and glass. not an entirely foreign sight–He got clumsy and violent in his occasional drunken tantrums. joohyun had ascended the stairs to see similar messes before.

what wasn’t familiar were scarlet pools of blood on the patterned wood, glinting a deep jewel red, like the strawberry jam joohyun had layered into yerim’s cake.

what a strange place her mind retreated to. but her worst fears were assuaged as she looked up to see seungwan turn to regard them across the room. 

untouched save for droplets of blood down her left cheek, like berry tears on an ashen face.

sooyoung screamed.

–

“girls, we have to clean up, okay?”

joohyun wrapped a tight arm around sooyoung’s shaking shoulders, willing herself to stay calm. adrenaline coursed through her veins, firing every nerve in her extremities until she felt more alert than she ever had before in her life.

“seulgi-yah, can you go get the rags from the mud room?” joohyun commanded more than asked. “and yerim, fill a bucket with water and…and bleach.” she swallowed, squeezing sooyoung’s upper arm and struggling to hold the tallest girl up. “let’s sit down, sooyoung.”

she helped her to the nearest chair, nodding briskly to seulgi and yerim, who scurried down the creaking stairs.

joohyun rubbed sooyoung’s back as the girl’s sobs began to quieten. she looked up across the room at the quiet figure standing on the bloodied carpet. seungwan had her fist clenched at her side, the other hand still clutching the shattered vase. she had her back turned to the others, staring at the man’s crumpled form.

joohyun couldn’t stand looking at him. she stood up slowly, picking her way across the mess to gently touch seungwan.

the younger girl startled, whipping around to an equally jumpy joohyun.

“seungwan, let’s…” she swallowed, staring into seungwan’s dazed eyes, if only to distract her own attention away from the corpse. “can we cover him up, with the carpet, maybe?”

“yeah,” seungwan said numbly. sooyoung watched from the chair as the two hauled the edge of the heavy carpet and folded it with a thud onto the body. joohyun cringed at the lump, the way blood had seeped into the underside of the carpet. she held seungwan’s hand tightly, guiding them to the edge of the room and letting her slide down the wall.

“it’s going to be okay,” joohyun said softly, if only to convince herself. “it’ll be okay.”

“i’m sorry.” seungwan looked up, tears smearing the dried blood on her cheeks. “i didn’t think. i’m sorry.”

joohyun shook her head vehemently, kneeling to press a kiss to seungwan’s forehead. 

“you did it for us, seungwan-ah.” 

she shut her eyes, feeling it settle anew on her shoulders. she steeled herself. it had been two years of hell–joohyun could figure out this new chapter too. whatever it took. for her girls, she would a million times over.

seulgi and sooyoung were the strongest of the five, but sooyoung was in no state to be anywhere near the body, so seulgi dragged the head of the carpet, while seungwan and joohyun handled the rear. she assigned the other two to scrubbing duties, watching yerim hand sooyoung a dampened rag with a steady hand. they would be okay for now.

the body thumped down every step of the staircase, a sickening drum beat against the labored panting of the three girls. He and the carpet were much too heavy to carry, so they turned the roll bloody-side up and tugged it down the hallway. 

joohyun would’ve tired quicker if residual adrenaline wasn’t pulsing through her veins. she could see seulgi’s wide eyes, knew that her sister was feeling the same. seungwan was silent and uncomplaining, her expression devoid of even distress.

“the locks.” seulgi said as they arrived at the dusty foyer. joohyun stared blankly at the three iron deadbolts on the hardwood door, the location of the keys unknown to all except the dead man in the rug.

“we can push him through the window.” seungwan spoke up. “in the parlor room.”

joohyun nodded quickly, and they swiveled the rolled rug toward the familiar window, the portal through which seungwan had wandered into the woods.

the sun was warm, the afternoon absurd in its tranquil beauty. they hauled Him over the windowsill, watching it thump to the forest floor below and unravel slightly. seungwan vaulted over easily, turning to offer joohyun a hand down.

the eldest stumbled slightly, the mossy ground giving way under her thin slippers. seungwan caught her, and the two turned to look up at seulgi.

she was hesitating at the window’s edge, eyes filled with briefly lucid reticence.

“it’s okay,” joohyun called up to her, her voice louder than she had dared to speak for a long time. “it’s safe. seungwan’s been out here before.”

somewhat reassured, seulgi joined them and helped drag the rug through the trees. seungwan seemed to know where she was going, leading them to a clearing lined by a few fallen trees. the air smelled green, the freshness nearly unsettling after what felt like a lifetime in a musty, dilapidated prison.

“there’s a dry ditch,” seungwan panted. “down that way.”

they had no shovels with them, so they settled for dropping it into the pit, a bed of young clovers a poetically beautiful grave. joohyun felt a weary rage welling in her chest. 

she wondered if they should leave Him wrapped in the carpet, or air Him out for the forest to consume faster. joohyun had always suspected He had lied about tigers prowling the surrounding woods, but now she couldn’t help but imagine the beast carrying away His remnants, leaving nothing behind for the girls to see ever again. 

would the tiger develop a taste for men? joohyun toyed with the strange fantasy in her head as they wove their way back through the trees. 

if the beast kept the men away, maybe yerim could grow up safely after all.

—

cobbling together a semblance of normalcy was joohyun’s priority. she moved like a steadfast ghost, retracing the same paths she had lived for two and a half years. 

sweet seulgi only sang behind her bedroom door, which stayed shut whether she was hiding within or left it for mealtimes, or the bathroom. joohyun’s sister slept during the day, her songs carrying softly down the hall only after the girls had gone to bed. she passed joohyun and seungwan’s door, her humming carrying over her light footfalls, a singing night guard. 

one evening, when joohyun heard seulgi switch the shower on, she crept into her stepsister’s room to see sheets of sketches pasted on the walls. they depicted the same subjects over and over: the five sisters together and separately, against silhouettes of the trees seulgi had witnessed exactly once while carrying the body out to the forest. the girl never expressed interest in venturing out again.

sooyoung’s disposition had always been fragile, and she had just gotten a handle on her anxiety when all of this transpired. now, joohyun wasn’t sure if they could ever get the old sooyoung back again. some days seemed better than others, when she would hum a soft tune and help joohyun go through the pantry for the umpteenth time. her eyes would crinkle into a light smile when joohyun placed a rare sugar cube in her mouth, and the eldest could’ve cried with joy.

but in the next moment, sooyoung’s eyes would fix on some invisible object or place, or she would recognize an old tin of His favorite biscuits, and she would burst into inconsolable tears. joohyun could only wrap her in a blanket and hand her tea, listening to her wails tire into sniffles and then exhausted sleep on the living room sofa. it pained her to throw away perfectly good biscuits, so she crushed them into breadcrumbs and tossed the tin into the trash.

yerim withdrew to the parlor room, taking in nothing but the staticky TV tuned to the same VHS tapes. she rarely joined the others at mealtimes, and stared glassily at the platters of food that joohyun tried so desperately to entice her with. when she crept into the parlor room later one night, turning down the volume to let the girl sleep, the rare rich meal of rice and stew was untouched and cold. only yerim’s favorite dried apricots were touched. joohyun watched with growing panic as her youngest wasted away, feeding the girl a dwindling stash of sweets in a hopeless bid against time.

by most measures, seungwan was doing the best out of them all. she trailed joohyun from room to room, ever helpful. she quickly learned joohyun’s routines, starting the morning kettle, sweeping the dust that blew onto window sills on windy nights, throwing open heavy curtains to let in the sunlight. while joohyun tidied or cooked, she’d disappear into the corners of the manor, dreadfully dark and cold passageways that joohyun could not bring herself to explore. 

but seungwan’s laughter was silenced. the bright mirth that joohyun had once tried to keep quiet had departed, replaced by a stillness that depressed her most. 

joohyun felt a bit like a groundskeeper, tending to a house of ghosts. it was a deathly quiet week before sooyoung and seulgi began to speak in full sentences, then conversations, even if stilted and hushed. joohyun found herself mostly worrying about kim yerim, and hurting for son seungwan.

—

it hadn’t occurred to joohyun that seungwan might have continued her forest escapades until her own birthday, when the eldest awoke at dawn to an empty bed and a vase of wildflowers on the bedside.

she stared dumbly at the blossoms, the arrival of spring in fragile expressions of defiance. always the same four types that joohyun admittedly did not know the name of, besides the pheasant’s eye that seungwan had pointed out a year ago.

exactly a year ago. joohyun exhaled, throwing back the covers and getting to her feet. even if joohyun refused her birthday, the spring flowers made the occasion known.

seungwan stepped into their bedroom, smelling of the forest and fresh laundry soap. joohyun looked into her eyes, feeling like her chest might burst with longing. her wannie stared back her.

“happy birthday, unnie,” she said, and kissed joohyun for the first time in weeks. they lay down in their tired old bed, and seungwan answered one of bae joohyun’s prayers.

–

joohyun rested her ear on seungwan’s chest, holding her breath to hear the steady rhythm of a heart and lungs, coupled in easy syncopation. seungwan’s gentle hands ran through her hair in a third tempo. she could’ve sworn the freedom she had always craved had found her in their tangled sheets.

“i found something yesterday,” seungwan’s voice vibrated against joohyun’s ear.

“hm?”

“a road.”

joohyun sat up quickly. “a road?” she repeated.

“old, but paved. i followed it as far as i could, i forgot the sun was setting and nearly got lost trying to get back.”

“seungwan!” joohyun gasped in disbelief, briefly panicked by the thought of her lost in the woods.

“a road, unnie.” seungwan repeated herself, her stare boring into joohyun’s. “it could be our way out.”

joohyun was quiet while her mind raced with a hundred new scenarios, all of which she had never ventured to consider until now. the eldest had let go of entertaining wishes a long time ago, when she set her mind to keeping the family alive, above all. the other girls needed dreams, so she let them. maybe that was what turned this house cold and empty; joohyun could never have conjured that hope alone.

and seungwan couldn’t either–so she had doggedly carved them an escape.

“this is it, unnie,” she whispered, sitting up. “we have to try.”

“the woods…” joohyun said. “he said it was too remote, that tigers would find us–”

“i found the way,” seungwan insisted. “and the road leads somewhere, he just didn’t want us to know. joohyun-ah,” she blurted her name, and joohyun looked up at her. “we’ll starve here.”

the eldest nodded slowly. 

seungwan smiled, a gentle expression that let joohyun exhale deeply for the first time. the next breath was a flood of warm hope, filling her with a certainty that joohyun could’ve followed into war.

but she wouldn’t have to. joohyun’s prayers to flame-painted tigers were answered not by destruction, but by her gentle fire.