that feeling when you realize you never really have had any consistent friends throughout your entire life just the cousin who forgets about you, and the childhood friend who keeps you around because "we've been friends for so long" but doesn't really care to put any effort into strengthening the friendship and your singular friend, that you've spent all of highschool together, who just hasn't been acting the same ever since that one small issue.. even though she seems to be acting fine? It's confusing and you're alone. In summer. In your room. That singular friend hasn't talked to you in days and you're starting to think it's all your fault. So you send a I miss you, I love you message to try to repair and connect again but throughout all these days she doesn't really contact you..maybe she's busy, maybe she just doesn't like me anymore.. and you feel paranoid, because there's something in the air between you, and it feels like your the only one who sees it. There's no proof ofcourse, just feeling in your heart. You're leaning towards a depressive episode because you truly cannot be satisfied. You're depressed in school, and for some reason you're depressed at home too..your not really seeing the light of the end at the tunnel and your feeling deeply unmotivated..your moms nitpicking at everything you do and you're wondering if there's something wrong with you..because why don't I have friends? Why am I like this? Am I being paranoid about the friendship.. is she waiting for me to act? How can I act when your making me feel so unwanted..The boy your texting to distract you just got a girlfriend who's wrote his name with her blue pen on her thin pale thighs and he's put that as his profile picture..and you feel forever inferior..he doesn't really text you anymore.. you try to put some pretty color on your dry dehydrated lips..and it feels like drawing a fake smile on a tired face. You stopped wearing makeup a while ago..no motivation to.. your all dressed up writing this because your about to go visit relatives wearing this pretty blue dress but you don't feel nearly as pretty as this blue dress you wear. You are maybe, forever, spiraling. Into this confusing friendship. This slow summer. This moment. Spiraling and spiraling like Alice down the rabbit hole, except it never ends. Does it end! Does it never end? What do I know..but down I go!
annaxmalina
gummygunk
dailybridgerton
izzy806
tangentwithtanner
