Senator Onahole

there’s a japanese radish just below this post but you can’t reach it

the second radish is 29 feet away

this is legitimately the funniest post on this site

just saw a pigeon doing the puffed up courtship dance thing to another pigeon, and as he was strutting around he suddenly stopped for a split second to do a very brief preen-peck at his own side, then returned to the strutting around. and i surprised myself by instantly losing respect for the male pigeon in that moment, like come on man i appreciate you had an itch or whatever but how is she supposed to feel special when you're getting distracted by bullshit like that? which on reflection i don't endorse, i mean those are pretty harsh dating norms i'm imposing on these pigeons, from a total outsider perspective, for no reason. probably not all girl pigeons are as uptight about that sort of thing as i would apparently be if i was a girl pigeon, maybe she even found it endearing who knows, i don't know her. it's none of my business really. sorry pigeons.

stop deactivating

i thought we all agreed we were here forever

"are you gonna take those pills the rest of your life?" you mean my molecules? why surely you wouldn't deprive me of my molecules. they are shaped exactly just so, you see. my molecules

do you know how hard someone had to work to make my molecules into their molecule shapes??

they invented a new shape of molecule just for me and you want me to what, not absorb it???

reblog to remind somebody about their molecules

people who shape molecules at their jobs found this post and they're in the notes being happy to be appreciated. go take your fucking molecules

Did you hear a new love language just dropped? yeah its crazy. Its called just fuckin biting them.

reblogging this but shaking my head the whole time to show i don't believe in love languages

Reblogging this while biting someone and shaking my head the whole time to rend flesh

hit her gpt-spot by accident and she started saying we weren't just having sex, we were teaching a masterclass on pleasure

House is pregnant

babies are difficult because they dont react like cats or dogs do to things so all my training for small creatures goes out the window