I was wired. A world that's turning makes me worry, stumble through. A work of art, something simple and deafeating, from the start. I'll tie one off, 'cause the edges have gone blurry. They're not as sharp, and all along I've known that praying is beneath me, but I've been talking to the ceiling for so long. Start submission from the bed. I was tired, it's a marvel that my shell has kept it's shape. Feed me grapes, bring me tonics and gin rickeys.

I've been having this dream. I wake up and I'm screaming. And I am seeing things, in the doorway is a demon. Go this weight on my chest, I don't think that it's leaving. Don't know why I'm upset, can't remember my feelings. Lately everything feels like a comedown. I fell in this pit, and I can't get out. I hate the things I used to love. I'm fucked, and now I'm done. I stare at the wall, and I think of you. Because after all, what can I do? Your love is alcohol, creating space between myself and all the pain I can't erase.

Maybe they'll hang my picture at the warehouse. Maybe someone'll name their son after me. I can't remember the last time I felt wonderful. The last there was a bottle nearby. Not a single consequence for drinking and a yellow pack of cigarettes, it's all for me. Quiet's night sky to blow smoke into. This is not the world as I imagined it. It's hard to find the good in anyone, but I can't stand the way that I felt afterwards. I tried everything to get around it. I don't need a sponsor or a savior, maybe just some time away from all of this.

One last desperate plea. One last verse to sing. One last laugh track to accompany the comedy. Have I been losing it completely? Losing sanity? Or has it been fabricated, fashioned by the worst of me? I know I knocked the table over because I watched the jar break, and I've been trying to repair it every single stupid day. But won't the cracks still show no matter how well it's assembled? Can I ever just decide to let it die and let you go? All my motives and every single narrative below reflects that moment when it broke, and will I never let it go no matter what? Now I am throwing all the shards away. Discarding every fragment, and fumbling uncertain towards a curtain call that no one wants to happen, that no one's going to clap for at all, but that still has to be.

If I'm to die before I reach you, please know I meant you love you 'til I did. If I'm to slip beneath a train meant to take me, know that I believe that it was worth it. Tell my friends goodbye. Tell my almost ex-wife that I loved her and left her too soon. Oh, I hope to be holding you soon. Who knows what happens if I leave my room. Oh I'm scared that you'll know what to do... ...if I'm to die before you. If I'm to die before I hold you, know my arms were the worst off for it. If I'm set upon dried from my room as I write. You won't be my last thought before I quit. Give my family love, I would watch from above, but I fear there is nothing but sleep. Oh, I hope to be seeing you soon. Don't know what's out there - more fear I assume. Oh, I'm scared that you'll know what to do... ...if I'm to die before you. And if I'm to die before we spend a soft day, know my final thoughts will be of regret. If I'm to drown in the deep sea that parts us, I once lived and loved - don't forget.

Dog of height, in the trees. Won't you come down, doggy? Such a sweet doggy, I brought you your dinner. My doggy, I miss you kissing my palm. I remember when I first got you, doggy. But you lay there - so still - doggy. You lay there, so still. Dog of depth in the dirt. They buried you deep, doggy. You're the best doggy. My friend has a doggy. She's a real nice dog, I wish you could chase her 'round the yard. I remember when I first got you, doggy.

If you love me, let me go. Run away before I know. Deliver me into my fate, if I'm alone I can not hate. I don't deserve to have you. My smile was taken long ago, if I can change I hope I never know. It took the death of hope to let you go. If you still care, don't ever let me know.

Pain, without love, I can't get enough, because I'd rather feel pain than nothing at all. This life is filled with hurt, anger and agony are better than misery. I like it rough, because I'd rather feel pain than nothing at all.

Another day goes by, and I don't understand or know the reasons why. I'm looking for a change in life, but another day goes by. Here we go again, it's today. I wish it was tomorrow though I think I'd say "you know, I think it feels just like yesterday." So lately I've been looking for a change, but the more things change the more they seem to stay the same. It's a new day. It's almost like tomorrow never came. Same old thing, same old game, different name, and everyday I sing the same old song, and today I don't feel like waking up, but the show most go on and on and on. If I could change it, or rearrange it, tomorrow could be all right.

No one knows what it's like to be the bad man, to be the sad man, behind blue eyes. No one knows what it's like to be hated, to be fated, to telling only lies. But my dreams, they aren't this empty, as my conscience seems to be. I have hours only lonely, my love is vengeance, that's never free. No one knows what it's like to feel these feelings, like I do, and I blame you. No one bites back as hard on their anger, none of my pain and woe can't show through. But my dreams, they aren't this empty, as my conscience seems to be. I have hours only lonely, my love is vengeance, that's never free.

Take what tomorrow brings and don't ask why. Sing what the people sing and swallow all the lies. We've only got the dream so let's keep it alive. That dream is yours and mine.

I need someone to show me the things in life that I can't find. I can't see the things that make true happiness. I must be blind.

I'll be coming home just to be alone, because I know you're not there, and I know that you don't care. I can hardly wait to leave this place. No matter how hard I try, you're never satisfied. This is not a home, I think I'm better off alone. You always disappear, even when you're here.

You held my hand and then you slipped away, and I may never see your face again. So tell me how to fill the emptiness inside. Without love, what is life? Anyone who knew us both could see we always were the better part of me. I never wanted to be this free, and all this pain, when does it go away? Every time I turn around, you are nowhere to be found. I've got a long, long way to go, before I can say goodbye to you. I've got a long, long way to go, before I can say goodbye to all I ever knew.

My flaws are the only thing left that's pure. Can't really live, can't really endure. Everything I see reminds me of her. God, I wish I didn't care anymore. What the hell am I doing? Is there anyone left in my life? What the fuck was I thinking? Anybody want to tell me I'm fine? Where the hell am I going? Do I even need a reason to hide? I am only betrayed, I am only conditioned to die.

You're in my blood, and you're in my hair. You're in my heart, and you're in the air. I met you once over the phone, you sounded sad and you seemed alone. You left me but I never left you, I never had the chance to.

It's hard to walk through all the places that your life used to be in, so you thought you'd shed a layer, maybe try on some new skin. Your friends are all imaginary, your shrink stopped answering her phone, so you decide to make incisions at your home while you're alone, all alone. But you're no tailor, you're no surgeon, none of your cuts go very straight. Every new layer you uncover reveals something else you hate, and then you cracked your head, and broke some bones, and when you glued them back together you found out you did it wrong.