i never realized how loud silence was. the sound of my heart beating, my breathing, the living walls rumbling to the sound of the stray cats fighting outside my bedroom. the outside is so loud. the sounds penetrate my dewy windows. the silence of nighttime is so loud, it’s almost frightening, maybe that’s why i so strongly desire sleep, but it never comes. sometimes i don’t mind the sleepless nights, i stay awake listening to the loud silence of the sleeping earth. before i realize it, the rosy morning sun illuminates my room through the slits of the blinds imitating the glow of the Himalayan salt lamp resting in my bookcase. i also do mind sleepless nights though, my thoughts race through my mind like the midnight trains that pass through by my home, to an unknown destination with unknown cargo. my thoughts are strange, they come so suddenly, maybe that’s why i’m frightened of the loud silence of the night. it makes way for unwelcome thoughts and reminders, that create more unwelcome loud silence. it reminds me of the truth that i desire to hide through endless hours online. the unwelcome loud silent truth. until the sun rises welcoming a new day for distraction and temporary joy, then i will forget the loud silence.
