You're Not Alone Struggling With Self-Doubt

On Thanksgiving, here's David's trumpet tips.

A: Don’t be afraid to ask for guidance. 

As I walk into class after attending SI, I see that the teacher is going over chapter 18 instead of chapter 17.  I raise my hand and ask, “what about chapter 17?”  Apparently, she posted an online lecture and didn’t inform anyone about it.  Hm, I thought to myself.  I knew I wasn’t the only one who didn’t know about this online lecture, considering the overheard conversations of, “I didn’t get an email!?”  Great start to class.  Then, as we went through the lecture, we were all informed we had an exam in less than 2 weeks over three chapters after just having an exam last Monday.  This class is so stressful to me and many other students as I can sympathize with them.  We have a full exam on 3 chapters as well as a cumulative exam on the whole semester in less than 2 weeks.  There’s a lot to get done in this class especially right after break.  Also, all my other classes are booked with homework as well.  I guess finals week is going to be as stressful as other college students make it out to be. At the end of class, the teacher passed out a required sheet to rate her teaching skills.  I can guess what everyone put.  And from this brief field note, I can guess you know too.  This class was sure one hell of a rollercoaster ride, but I’m glad it’s done.  The amount of work I put into it is impressive.  Even I shocked myself.  Would I do it again though? Absolutely not. Stress is something everyone faces during one point in their life.  Everyone goes through hard times.  So why not be the one to execute these hard times with a smile on your face?  From these 4 field notes I’ve taken over the past 2 weeks, I have grown my mind about humanity and other people.  People are so similar, but also so unique at the same time.  The trick is to find those who you relate to.  I haven’t found my people yet, but I’m not in any rush either.  Afterall, you will never find your people unless you are whole in yourself first.  That’s the first step to creating your own friend group who will push you to excel even more in life. I’ve concluded, that’s what friends are for.  

A: Get another job and pay attention.  Observe your surroundings.  Understand where you are and what your purpose is. 

Photo for interviewer #1 at horse barn (interview location)

As Mr. Malinowski said to get up and get some notes done, I tensed up and felt that I had to leave my comfort zone of sitting in the classroom. There’s this saying that goes, “you can only grow when you’re outside of your comfort zone.” So here I am growing my ethnography. As I sit in Vandenburgh dining hall, my thoughts start to swarm in. I start looking behind me and hoping no one else from the class comes in here too. Also, I see my reflection in the window and critique every little part of it. I start to obsess over the smallest details that I wish I could change. All these thoughts are not helpful or positive. I see the dining hall cleaning lady and wonder how she stays so positive. She is wiping down tables while humming a song. I see the geese outside through the window and wonder if they ever feel insecurities. Then I think, there’s really no point in feeling insecure because it doesn’t do anything but stop you from reaching your full potential. Now, I want to know where to go from here. You can change your thoughts to benefit yourself such as reding and digesting information useful in reaching your goals, but that can’t be 100% executed if you’re still struggling with self-doubt. To get over your fears, you need to face them. So how does one face their self-doubts when they are 80% of their thoughts? One by one I guess, but I hate having a pile of work sitting right in front of me. This time it being a pile if insecure thoughts I need to decode. Very discouraging. But if you never start, it’ll become even more discouraging. Now, I’m thinking of ways to combat these insecurities, past the discouragement and lack of motivation. I find that setting goals and achieving them with perseverance, dedication and hard work is the answer, but it’s hard to stay consistent. The trick is to just do it. Even if you don’t feel like it, force yourself to. Force yourself to feel uncomfortable. The uncomfortableness stemming from leaving the classroom is what drove me to write this. It drove me to drive deeper into my mind and pull more answers. If I would’ve just stayed in the classroom, I would’ve never understood the saying, “you only grow outside of your comfort zone.” Self-doubt can be overcoming with the presence of new situations and the execution of the things you learned through those new experiences. It’s a cycle.

Today in class we played Kahoot for the BIO exam Monday. I won 2nd place, but was so close to first. There were 50 some questions on the Kahoot and everyone in class participated because of the chance for extra credit on the exam. As I was playing, I stayed in 1st place for a relatively long period of time, and I was observing the girl’s commentary next to me. They were like, “I’ll never beat Laura,” which demonstrated self-doubt in the classroom. I remember thinking to myself, “little do you know, it’s actually really simple if you just put the work in.” But I didn’t want to give away my secret. The teacher played some music on her phone because she thought the silence during the Kahoot was awkward, which shows even adults still feel human emotions just as much as us teenagers. Self-doubt, awkwardness, and any other “unperfect” emotion is so prominent in humanity, yet we are so hard on ourselves when we don’t live up to perfection. Everyone tries to hide their “flaws” because they are unaware that everyone has them. The word human does not only define our species, but it also defines the fact that we aren’t perfect. Everyone is so similar; we just feel pressure to be so put together because of society. I can guarantee that whatever anyone is going through, someone else can relate in some way or another. There should never be a need to feel so alienated from humanity, because we are all human. I left that class with a feeling of insight and higher knowledge.

In this biology class, I observe there to be about 40-50 students. They seem to be from all different years, as previously I talked to a student who was a junior—I am a freshman. This class is deemed to be hard for many people considering the overheard conversations complaining about their exam grade, and the teacher clarifying how to study more efficiently. Since I am participating in this class, and observing it, I can say it isn’t that hard if you actually put the work in because I’m not complaining about my exam grade. From this, I can conclude the level of difficulty of this class is relative. As soon as the clock hits 1:20pm the teacher says, “Alright let’s start!” Then she begins her lecture—this week on chapter 14 which is gene regulation. During this lecture, I stayed engaged, so I wasn’t 100% observing the room. I did make some impressions though about the students and their learning ethnic. When the teacher would ask questions following what she had just explained in the lecture, students would either say it out loud right away, or not say anything at all. I found this interesting. How can you describe the emotion that causes a student to boldly say the answer and what causes them to shrink down? From my own experience, I say the answer boldly when I am sure I know it and shrink down when I doubt my ability to answer the question. I can assume it is similar for others as of now. This class was just a lecture with some student participation. It ended with the teacher reminding everyone of what chapter she will be go over next class, Wednesday. Overall, I can conclude that this class will be a good one to observe.