I DON'T HAVE NAME

It seems that God is no longer answering my pray since I questioned Him why He only allows one way to pray or communicate to Him? I guess from now on, it’s all by myself.

There were sweet young lovers sitting the front of me when I was in that hill alone. They looked happy and joyous like no body living in the world. I was jealous not by them but by the environment around them that allows these lovers to love while what I had when I was younger was a bunch of old people telling me that love is a sin. I won’t say that I am freed already, it still keeps me away from anything that this world offers. I am upset that my last environment let me spend my younger life in a vain, with fear and judgement when some part of this world would let you be whatever you want. Now, I realise that I have nowhere to go, no one to rely on, only me, standing with my skinny body and insecure mind to fight this unfair world in my 26.

I should have cried today, it showed by so many things that universe sent me to break a fragile complex box in my mind. But I just cannot. It might help when crying erodes the pains but I just can’t. Maybe I will try to cry in an hour after I fight for my dream (again).

I’ve come to realise that silence is always there, deep inside my thoughts. I’ve been using friends, people, dates, or even strangers not to listen to my own silence, but it’s following me everywhere I go. It built my bones for me to stand up fighting the world. It designed the arrogant me to slap everyone’s kindness. Now, the sound of silence is unbeatable, it echoes through my body and my skins. It wants me to consume myself and be vanished. Will somebody come to rescue me?

Do I miss someone that I’ve never met or the the feeling of falling in love?

Used to leave the cities that broke my heart thousand times, but I just can’t leave this one even the person that stole my soul still haunts me in every city’s corner.

I put my father’s land in the edge of its glory. One step to burn them all. It’s all to vanish the past that I never experienced and for the future that I have never imagined.

If I can ask to be X-Men, I wanna be able to read people’s mind so nothing left unsaid because it’s better to cry and be broken in the first date rather than on the fifth. Thank you for attending my TedTalk.

You're suffering when you have no enough reason to cry

Whatever you write is a poem for everyone who listens

Maybe a half of me will arrive soon, I hope he doesn't die before we meet

Even young human being can pass away without aging, sadly about nature

Nice to meet you, Jojo!

Gonna tell my mom someday that perhaps we will never meet again in heaven because I have sinned and there is not the place I will belong.

I am so ashamed to realize that every thing that I have done was crying for help. And I regretted every single bit of it when deeply realizing that no one comes to rescue my feelings.