Seeking Strong

Got a haircut yesterday and bought some things I’ve been meaning to buy for a while, including a new quilt cover set. Got my eyelashes tinted, tanned and painted my nails. Taking full advantage of my days off.

Plan for today is deadlifts (for sets of 10 fml pray4me), a pedicure and cleaning the house for tomorrow’s inspection + re-organising my room.

I have, historically, had a serious binge-eating problem which flared up again pretty badly during exam time in November and has been continuing ever since

Have put on about 6kg since it started in Nov

Have realised it’s trigged by two main things: my mental state and also my energy levels. If I’m not feeling too good mentally or emotionally, I binge; if I’m super tired or exhausted (which usually also causes me to become mentally exhausted), I binge.

These last 2 days I’ve been in a really good place mentally as well as physically and I didn’t binge! I’ve been feeling really great, getting my workouts done. I enjoyed being at work yesterday, had plenty of energy and 6 hours felt like 1. I wish I could feel like this all the time lol

Crazy work time is over and I’m not working so much over these next coming weeks - I’m only doing 3 days this week which I’m so excited about and then 4 days/wk for the last 2 wks of January. So, I’m hoping the less time at work will = better mental state + less exhaustion = better binge control, so I can work on getting those 6kg I put on back off.

I started a BB-type split this week (omfg wot? ye I know) because my work capacity has dropped to absolute 0 so I need to do lots of high volume stuff. Monday was 3x10 on squats no knee sleeves no belt nuthin. After my first set at 60kg I could’ve sworn my quads have never felt so swole in my lyf. After all 3 sets I didn’t even bother trying to do accessories. I waddled over to coles, got some groceries and went home lol. Same as bench yesterday... 40kgx3x10 and then 1 pushup felt like I weighed 500kg so I gave up and went home.

Leg DOMS are so fkn real today

On Monday I was really hungry when I was about to go gym so I decided to have my shake before and not after (and didn’t wanna eat anything else because I had already planned all my meals in terms of cals+macros for the day). I haven’t had a protein shake in literal years. I was still full when I got home from the gym, 4 hours after I had the damn shake. It made my sets of 10 squats just that much harder cos a big protein shake stuck in your belly makes keeping your core tight rly hard

Mind you I didn’t even go gym until like 2 hours after I had the shake it just stuck around for an unnaturally long time

Again really fucking excited about only having 3 days at work this week. I’m getting a haircut today, and I’m gonna get my eyelashes tinted and lifted, I’m gonna get a pedicure, I’m gonna go shopping. I’m gonna clean my room and buy new bed sheets. I’m going to go doctors and I’m going to start Honours readings. I’m gonna treat myself and I’m gonna get stuff done!

First time back on tumblr in how long and my dash is flooded with Star Wars, LOTR and SPN... I am pleased

Work has been insane. In. fucking. sane. I started at 5am on Boxing Day and worked 11 hours. I only had like half an hour sleep. Customers were pushing me. I couldn’t move in my own store. I literally couldn’t move. It was disgusting and I was so beyond tired... was quite seriously one of the most shitty days I’ve ever had.

I then worked another 9 hours for the next 2 days after that, each day, and then one more day (7 hours I think it was) before I finally had one day off. Worked NYE and New Years Day, and then had today off. Working tomorrow, Monday and Tuesday before finally getting 2 consecutive days off. I’m so over it at this point. I need a holiday so badly. I haven’t had proper time off from uni and work to myself to just relax, without any interfering drama, since the 2013-2014 summer holidays.

Up-coming pay check will be worth it though. I worked all the public holidays, and Sundays. Buuut tax will destroy me tho

Contract ends on the 17th. I applied to continue my position but I don’t think they’re flexible enough with hours for me to balance it with Honours - I don’t want to be working any more than 2 days a week or 15 hrs a week while I’m doing Hons, and I think the company requires a minimum of 3 days and 25 hours? Or so I’ve been told. We’ll see, but I’ve already started looking elsewhere just in case.

My gym re-opens on Monday and I am so keen to get back in there!

Some pretty TMI info ahead, related to periods and pooping. Proceed with caution.

But let’s be real again: I can only just afford a gym membership, let alone coaching. And it really sucks. The general population always assume that I have the luxury of help, and it’s something which I’ve found really frustrating. People are always surprised to find out that I pay rent and bills. They’re even more surprised to find out that I pay for my own groceries and cook my own meals. But even after that, they still for some reason assume that my parents help me out some way or another. “Your parents don’t help you? Why?” That’s the response I get most often. No, my parents don’t help me. And I think it’s almost offensive to assume that all young people receive financial help from their parents, because no, some of us simply do not have that luxury. Why? There are plenty of reasons why our parents may not help us. Maybe they’re not around anymore. Maybe we’re estranged. Maybe they’re not in a good financial position themselves to be able to help us.

So apparently, according to most people, I’m in a disadvantaged position. I’m 22 and totally independent: I pay my own rent, my own bills, my own groceries. I pay for my own gym membership and my own phone and my own internet usage. I pay for my own clothes and my own material items and for my own social life. I pay for these while studying full time and working part time with government assistance but no parental assistance whatsoever.

So I have to manage my finances mindfully and stringently. That means sometimes I can’t afford the luxuries I want. That means I probably won’t become the athlete I want to be anytime soon. That means sometimes having to turn down social events. But that’s okay. I know this is temporary, and this all gives me drive to keep on pushing, to keep on achieving and to trust that my hard work will pay off in the end.