Hope 💫

A masseuse

I hope your December hasn’t been too long or lonely.

listening to music you loved when you were younger feels like a connection with your past self. like did she know I’d be listening to this exact same song so many years in the future? she couldn’t have imagined the person I am now. it feels like a hand reaching through time. like looking at the moon and realising that throughout history other people have looked at the same moon and felt the same way. a moment when the boundaries of time blur and it’s just me, enjoying music, connected with all the past versions of myself who are listening to this same song

I have a massive fear that no one actually likes me, rather everyone is just politely tolerating me hoping I leave them alone

when I was like 10 I learned that splitting an atom will make a nuclear explosion and for a long time I got really stressed out whenever I had to cut anything bc like. what if I hit an atom at just the right angle

this is my personal view but with the rise of all these apps for us to showcase aspects of ourselves our style our face our opinions on books movies shows playlists instagram twitter tumblr tiktok letterboxd goodreads spotify I feel as if every single aspect of one’s personality has to be cohesive we must showcase that we have good taste we read good books we watch good movies everything we do is up to some weird standard idk it feels like everything we do has to be digestable to other people and we are all putting on silly hats everyday and putting on a show like we have to have opinions on everything those opinions must somehow be linked to how we dress and what music we listen to the point where we have people being so fearful of being seen as having bad taste or being seen enjoying something that isn’t well liked idk man this is a lot I just feel like we weren’t meant to live these weird curated lives like existing liking weird ass music and bad movies with no plot like what must we even market ourselves to be desireable and like perfect in every aspect