u think i’d leave your side, baby?

"You are not on trial in your own life, okay? Don't allow your life to become a court with endless judges and juries, okay, that are constantly telling you what's your worth, what your value is, who you should be. It's really important to have a strong sense of self, and be rooted in yourself, and have some self respect. You are the authority on you. You do not have to justify, rationalize everything in your life...It's not everything that needs a debate, discussion, or conversation. I am not on trial. And what happens very often is women fall into a habit, I know it because I grew up in an environment where you're constantly on trial in your own head, religion teaches you to surveil yourself. The other people in your congregation have permission to surveil you. You are encouraged to surveil other people and their behaviors. There's religious male authority who can surveil, and interrogate, and monitor you. It's a cultural thing across the board that women are always on trial. Are you good enough? Are you meek enough? Are you obedient enough? Are you cooperative enough? Are you feminine enough? Are you good enough? You do not have to play into those dynamics, it is okay to extract yourself. Sometimes silence is the answer. Silence is the answer. It's far more dignified...That's my business. I am the authority on what parts of my life are shared, I choose. Just because people ask, it doesn't mean you need to tell them...Quite often what's happening is you're being drawn into a situation where you can be judged, you can be assessed, and who gave them that authority? They don't have the authority unless you give it to them. Withdraw that oxygen. Don't even leave the door ajar...so many women will be sitting at home worrying because you've absorbed, you've absorbed the things that you've been taught about womanhood and worthiness. You can reclaim your authority at any point in time. You can. There are things that happen in life to people and to women, okay, they don't have to define you. You can allow life to refine you...Decide who you want to be...It's not the open stock market. No. Reclaim that authority. You decide who you are at any point in time. Any point in time with anyone...It does require a mental, internal fortitude to think in this way, to embody it. But, my goodness, it's dignifying..."