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A Lack of Color by Death Cab for Cutie for Xichen maybe? Or if you aren’t feeling Xichen then whichever mdzs character you’d like :)
some Xichen spiraling in seclusion for you <3
There are times when he wishes Jin Guangyao hadn’t pushed him away. When Lan Xichen wishes he had died there with him. And these days it’s more often than not.
He knows so well the atrocious things the man did. They’re etched into his brain and he recites the list everyday. A ritual he’s so familar with. Yet knowing doesn’t stop it. Doesn’t stop the pain. Doesn’t stop the guilt. The love.
In seclusion, there is a lot of time to look back and regret. Xichen takes every opportunity. He regrets not listening to Mingjue. His sworn brother, his friend, his–
He thinks of Mingjue often.
Lan Xichen is aware that pouring over the same “what if’s” is unhelpful at best and destructive at worst. But what if he had listened to his dear friend. What if he had tried to help Meng Yao more, the sweet innocent Meng Yao he first met, before he became someone Xichen could no longer recognize. What if he hadn’t been so blinded by feelings. What if he hadn’t drawn his sword. What if he had stayed.
for wordy wednesday! : borrowed time by will troy and nielan (or any other ship/chara you find fits better :P)
YESSSSSS
I love writing them so this is great :)
Okay song looped, ideas in my head, and now I'm just going to write right here in this post lol
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It was selfish for Mingjue to love Xichen as much as he did, he thought. Everything the man did was beautiful, and each moment Mingjue was around him, he swore he fell deeper and deeper in love with him. He loved him so much that it ached, like something sitting on his heart and squeezing it in powerful claws until he couldn't breathe, couldn't think, couldn't even be without Xichen around to loosen that grip. But it was selfish. Mingjue couldn't love Xichen, nor could he allow Xichen to love him. He was dying, and Xichen was too wonderful to be left behind.
Xichen knew Mingjue was dying. He'd known it since the man's headaches had gotten really bad and he'd finally given in to Xichen's insistence that he go to the hospital. Xichen hadn't even needed the doctor's grim face to know it.
Mingjue had held Xichen for a long time as he'd cried, realising the man he loved, his best friend, his other half, would soon be gone. Then, once he'd finished crying, Mingjue had broken down and Xichen had comforted him in turn. That, however, was the only time either of them had cried over it. Mingjue honestly admired Xichen's strength. After that first devastating afternoon after they'd gotten back from the hospital, he'd never cried again. He'd simply smiled, against all odds.
Xichen wasn't strong, though. Sure, he knew he put on a good show for his husband; he had to, after all. Mingjue had enough on his plate without having to worry about the nights Xichen spent on the bathroom floor sobbing until he threw up, only to return to bed before Mingjue could notice he was gone.
That was fine. He was strong for Mingjue, and that was what mattered. As long as he could convince his darling, kind husband that he was okay and that he didn't need to worry, they could make the most of the time they had left. That, Xichen decided, was the most important thing.
Wordy Wednesday!! I'll give you the song "Fast In My Car" for any character you want, but NOT in a romantic ship :3
YAYYYYY
I actually LOVE writing non-romantic stuff but rarely have the inspiration to do this so this is perfect >:D
I decided to do a little thing for Nie Huaisang, Jiang Cheng and Wei Wuxian from MDZS, but I am legit just putting this song on loop and writing until I feel like I'm done so we will see how it goes lol
Also I genderbent them cause why not :)
"This is a bad idea," Jiang Cheng hissed.
Sitting in the backseat of Wei Wuxian's beat up red pickup truck, Huaisang leaned forward between the front seats, "Come on, Jiang-jie, it'll be fun!"
"Yeah, meimei, don't be such a baby!" Wei Wuxian grinned.
"I'm not being a baby," Jiang Cheng snapped, giving her sister a sharp slap over the back of her head, "We're about to commit a crime! I think being apprehensive about this is perfectly reasonable!''
"Booo," Huaisang whined, "I do this all the time and I've only ever almost been arrested!"
"And almost arrested isn't arrested," Wei Wuxian nodded in agreement.
"Oh my god," Jiang Cheng muttered, then shook her head and reached for the car door handle, "Alright, let's get this over with."
"Yes!" Huaisang cried in delight.
They climbed out of the car in a flurry of excited giggles and nervous whispers, making their way as nonchalantly as they could to the building that would be their victim that night. The concrete wall loomed before them, impassive and cold--and, Huaisang thought, distressingly boring. It was the wall at the end of a long set of storefronts, left untouched and depressingly drab for all of it's long, sad life. It was a shame, Huaisang thought, as she unloaded cans from her bag and tossed a few to Wei Wuxian.
"Jiang-jie, you're on watch," she whispered.
"Yeah, yeah," Jiang Cheng muttered from where she leaned against the corner of the wall closest to the truck.
Huaisang turned away with a smile. For all the girl's protest, it was obvious that she was just as thrilled by this as Wei Wuxian and she were. She could complain and grouch all she wanted, but Huaisang didn't miss the light in her eyes that had been glowing the entire ride there, nor the excited tension in her posture.
"Alright," Wei Wuxian said, tossing a can in the air and catching it easily, "I'm following you, Huaisang."
They worked quickly but carefully, with Wei Wuxian painting long swaths of color over the grey wall that was their canvas, and Huaisang following after her to add finer details. Neither of them could look at each other as they did so, too afraid that in doing so they would fall victim to the helpless giggles that were barely contained in their chest.
Jiang Cheng watched with something between amusement and bone deep terror, tapping her foot and waiting with nervous impatience for them to be finished. It seemed to take forever. She'd had to talk Huaisang and Wei Wuxian down from doing a huge piece that would surely have taken all night, and instead settling for a simple floral thing, but still she felt like it was taking forever. Her gaze alternated between the two by the wall and the road, certain any moment she would see the flash of police lights, or an angry store owner coming to chase them off.
The streets were silent. They stayed that way, too, until Wei Wuxian and Nie Huaisang had finally finished. The retreated, satisfied grins on their faces, back to the truck, and Jiang Cheng hurried after them. No one had seen them--Jiang Cheng had been careful to pay attention to anyone who might see them and snitch--but Wei Wuxian still drove like the cops were after them, blaring loud music into the night.
Shaking her head tiredly, Jiang Cheng sat back in her seat and did her best to keep the grin off her face that was threatening to break out. Behind them, a concrete wall glowed in the orange light of streetlamps--no longer grey and drab--but blooming with flowers. It was better that way, Jiang Cheng thought.
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WELL, I got the highest grade for my thesis and presentation, and a very nice review from my advisor that may or may not have made made me cry. Thank you guys for your patience and support, I feel like y'all played a major role in me staying motivated and not dropping out during that last year. Gotta figure out what to do next after 15 years of just studying... A terrifying thought but oh well
Now that I'm FREE and have some time for myself, I have a few practice shots planned, that's the first one! Wanted to work with perspective and depth, and let me tell you, those legs were a nightmare to draw. Also the apple was hanging from a thick branch originally but I wanted to spice it up so now there are LEAVES and MOVEMENT
Also I've found a toggle in tumblr settings that had been compressing my videos, so now everything's gonna be in full HD like it's SUPPOSED to be
On that note, I have a question: did my drawings become more (or less) saturated lately? I got a new monitor two months ago, which I'm still getting used to, and due to me being stubborn to get a high res monitor no matter what, it doesn't match my tablet anymore so I can't check colors on the big screen as I go.. so yeah, let me know if it's different
Did I ever talk abt the time i was at a bdsm club and one of the pups was on all fours and barking and being cute and the dom on scene was like “hi puppy! Do you do any tricks?” And he said “I can beatbox!”
I was like. Doubled over incapacitated laughing the entire time. He was really good and a big sweetheart and I felt kinda bad but I couldn’t stop thinking “why the am I getting the beatboxing puppy unskippable cutscene at the bdsm club”
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wish we could talk about feminism or especially transfeminism without feeling crazy. because its not crazy. but whenever we talk about it we feel like we're putting on our tinfoil hats and ranting on the streets.
we can't even say "i hate men" without having to explain TO OTHER WOMEN that no, we don't hate every individual man on the planet, we hate the class man and the system men made for themselves that dominates the place we live in. in the same way that we have to tell other women that misandry is not a systemic force, and hating what men as a class of people and the patriarchy they made does not a misandrist make
and then WE feel bad because we made others uncomfortable by talking about injustice!
Its absolutely insane how much backsliding the public consciousness has intentionally done over the last couple years alone in regards to feminism. Like, all of these things were basic feminist concepts that most people anywhere left of center understood and accepted as late as 2024. Y'all remember the "would you rather encounter a strange man in the woods or a bear" question? That whole thing happened just two fucking years ago!
So... Poignant. Declararive. It is a toy. He is allowed to have a toy. Looking back at the player. Not looking back at all. His eyeless gaze expressing everything, nothing. His toy
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