seantinio

taken from: http://www.desiringgod.org/articles/how-to-recognize-a-foolish-leader

We know that no matter whom we elect, he or she will not be the ideal leader. However, it is of urgent importance that we avoid electing a foolish leader like the plague. We as a people have the historically recent and remarkable privilege of electing our head of state. If we as a people choose unwisely, it will be on our own heads.

How do we know if a potential leader is foolish? The principle is in this statement that Jesus made: “Every healthy tree bears good fruit, but the diseased tree bears bad fruit” (Matthew 7:17). We must examine the fruit. And the Bible is quite clear on what the diseased fruit of foolishness looks like:

The foolish look with haughty eyes (Proverbs 6:17).

The foolish engage in slander (Proverbs 10:18).

The foolish joke about their wrongdoing (Proverbs 10:23).

The foolish make great boasts (Psalm 12:3).

The foolish are stubbornly right in their own eyes (Proverbs 12:15).

The foolish are quickly annoyed by insults (Proverbs 12:16).

The foolish lash out in rash words like sword thrusts (Proverbs 12:18).

The foolish express no shame over their folly (Proverbs 13:16).

The foolish speak and act with recklessness and carelessness (Proverbs 14:16).

The foolish spew folly from their mouths (Proverbs 15:2).

The foolish despise instruction and reproofs from those who are wiser (Proverbs 15:5).

When the foolish try and speak in a dignified manner it feels artificial (Proverbs 17:7).

Rebukes just bounce off of the foolish (Proverbs 17:10).

The foolish love to boldly pronounce their opinions (Proverbs 18:2).

The foolish have repeatedly been ensnared by their words in their past (Proverbs 18:7).

The foolish are often characterized by quarreling (Proverbs 20:3).

The foolish frequently disregard wisdom (Proverbs 23:9).

When others stoop to engage the foolish according to their folly, they end up looking foolish themselves (Proverbs 26:4).

The foolish have a history of repeating their folly (Proverbs 26:11).

Those known to be wise are concerned and burdened by the words and actions of the foolish (Proverbs 27:3).

The foolish rage or mock when arguing with others (Proverbs 29:9).

The foolish love to give full vent to their spirit (Proverbs 29:11).

The foolish are quick to speak (Proverbs 29:20).

The foolish are often characterized by shouting (Ecclesiastes 9:17).

The foolish may consider themselves religious, but their unbridled tongues show that religion to be worthless (James 1:26).

This is not an exhaustive list of foolishness, nor (obviously) is it the only list to consider when electing a leader. This is simply level one. If a potential leader does not pass the assessment of this list, we must consider them disqualified.

Examine the Fruit

What is true of false prophets is also true of foolish leaders: “You will recognize them by their fruits” (Matthew 7:20). So examine the fruit. It is true that all leaders, being sinners, will act foolishly on occasion. What we are looking for is consistent, characteristic fruit, not anomalies. If you find characteristic fruit of foolishness, do not be deceived by words or fear or any form of pressure. Do not elect a fool to a ruling position.

Trust vs. Suspicion

“Creating a Trust Culture”

A. Often there are unexplainable gaps between what we expect people to do and what they actually do.

1. We choose what we place in those gaps.

2. Our choice determines the integrity of our relationships.

3. We can choose to fill them with trust or suspicion.

The development of trust then becomes significant leadership strategy. Trust creates the load limits on the relational bridges among team members. As believers we have been called to trust.

1Corinthians 13:4-8

4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. 8 Love never fails.

TRUST IS A CHOICE...

B. Two things that makes us difficult to trust.

1. Who I am - some of us are suspicious by nature.

2. What I see - when I see a person to be untrustworthy I tend not to trust them.

C. When it comes to Trust, there are three commitments we need to make.

From now onwards, I commit to TRUST YOU.

1. When there's a gap between what I expect and what I actually experience, I'm going to fill it with trust. I am choosing to believe the best about you.

2. When I observe other people filling the gap with suspicion, I'm gonna come to your defense.

3. If what I experience or see begins to erode my trust, I'll come directly to you about it.

From now onwards, I also commit to being TRUSTWORTHY.

Being trustworthy is not the equivalent of being flawless in character or performance. A trustworthy person addresses the gaps they created.

1. I'll commit to do what I (promised) say I will do and when I don't i'll tell you. You won't hear it from anybody else before you here it from me.

2. I commit not to over-promise and under-deliver but if it's turning out to be that way, I'll tell you. No surprises!

3. If you confront me about the gaps I have created. I'll tell you the truth.

So if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother has something against you, leave your gift there before the altar and go. First be reconciled to your brother, and then come and offer your gift. Matthew 5:23-24

Harboring suspicion and mistrust will eventually poison the culture of your organization.

Henry Cloud quotes (showing 1-30 of 338)

“We change our behavior when the pain of staying the same becomes greater than the pain of changing. Consequences give us the pain that motivates us to change.”

“Leave your pride, ego, and narcissism somewhere else. Reactions from those parts of you will reinforce your children's most primitive fears.”

“Don't go overboard in praising required behavior: 'We have only done our duty' (Luke 17:10). But do go overboard when your child confesses the truth, repents honestly, takes chances, and loves openly. Praise the developing character in your child as it emerges in active, loving, responsible behavior.”

“The extent to which two people in a relationship can bring up and resolve issues is a critical marker of the soundness of a relationship.”

“If your boundary training consists only of words, you are wasting your breath. But if you 'do' boundaries with your kids, they internalize the experiences, remember them, digest them, and make them part of how they see reality.”

“There is a big difference between hurt and harm. We all hurt sometimes in facing hard truths, but it makes us grow. It can be the source of huge growth. That is not harmful. Harm is when you damage someone. Facing reality is usually not a damaging experience, even though it can hurt.”

“Boundaries define us. They define what is me and what is not me. A boundary shows me where i end and someone else begins, leading me to a sense of ownership. Knowing what I am to own and take responsibility for gives me freedom. Taking responsibility for my life opens up many different options. Boundaries help us keep the good in and the bad out. Setting boundaries inevitably involves taking responsibility for your choices. You are the one who makes them. You are the one who must live with their consequences. And you are the one who may be keeping yourself from making the choices you could be happy with. We must own our own thoughts and clarify distorted thinking.”

“Anger is frustration at the fact that we are not God, and do not have control over reality.”

“Page 142: "When a spouse says to the alcoholic, "you need to go to AA," that is obviously not true. The addict feels no need to do that at all, and isn't. But when she says, "I am moving out and will be open to getting back together when you are getting treatment for your addiction," then all of a sudden the addict feels "I need to get some help or I am going to lose my marriage." The need has been transferred. It is the same with any kind of problematic behavior of a person who is not taking feedback and ownership. The need and drive to do something about it must be transferred to that person, and that is done through having consequences that finally make him feel the pain instead of others. When he feels the pain, he will feel the need to change...A plan that has hope is one that limits your exposure to the foolish person's issues and forces him to feel the consequences of his performance so that he might have hope of waking up and changing.”

“A leader's responsibility is to cause a vision and mission to have tangible results in the real world.”

“The sad thing is that many of us come to Christ because we are sinners, and then spend the rest of our lives trying to pretend that we are not!”

“The Bible is clear about two principles: (1) We always need to forgive, but (2) we don’t always achieve reconciliation. Forgiveness is something that we do in our hearts; we release someone from a debt that they owe us. We write off the person’s debt, and she no longer owes us. We no longer condemn her. She is clean. Only one party is needed for forgiveness: me. The person who owes me a debt does not have to ask my forgiveness. It is a work of grace in my heart.”

“When we begin to set boundaries with people we love, a really hard thing happens: they hurt. They may feel a hole where you used to plug up their aloneness, their disorganization, or their financial irresponsibility. Whatever it is, they will feel a loss. If you love them, this will be difficult for you to watch. But, when you are dealing with someone who is hurting, remember that your boundaries are both necessary for you and helpful for them. If you have been enabling them to be irresponsible, your limit setting may nudge them toward responsibility.”

“We can't manipulate people into swallowing our boundaries by sugarcoating them. Boundaries are a "litmus test" for the quality of our relationships. Those people in our lives who can respect our boundaries will love our wills, our opinions, our separateness. Those who can't respect our boundaries are telling us that they don't love our nos. They only love our yeses, our compliance. "I only like it when you do what I want.”

“Training moments occur when both parents and children do their jobs. The parent's job is to make the rule. The child's job is to break the rule. The parent then corrects and disciplines. The child breaks the rule again, and the parent manages the consequences and empathy that then turn the rule into reality and internal structure for the child.”

“When a child shuts down his painful emotional side, he also loses the ability to express his joyous side. Emotions are a whole. With anger comes the ability to express delight; with sadness comes the ability to express lightheartedness. This is the breadth of emotion that allows an adult to experience intimacy with a spouse, with God, and with his children”

“Values are sometimes worth living and dying for, and are certainly worth dating and breaking up over.”

“Encourage literally came from "in courage." The courage is put "into" you from outside. Our character and abilities grow through internalizing from others what we do not possess in ourselves.”

“You get what you tolerate.”

“One of the first signs that you’re beginning to develop boundaries is a sense of resentment, frustration, or anger at the subtle and not-so-subtle violations in your life. Just as radar signals the approach of a foreign missile, your anger can alert you to boundary violations in your life.”

“You aren't alive if you aren't in need.”

“Rich loved taking care of women. He would swoop in like Tarzan swinging on a vine, rescue them from whatever situation they found themselves in, and be their hero. He would make all the decisions, and he would be strong and dependable. "What a catch!" they would feel.

But they did not see his inability to allow them to disagree or have an opinion. He could not yield to another person. He could not show weakness or vulnerability. He would make up for that inflexibility by being a very attractive "strong man" to women who would want to be swept off their feet more than they wanted a real person.

So, they would be a perfect match—until he would see the other side of a passive, compliant woman. She would be sneaky and not tell him exactly what was going on. Then, lo and behold, one day she would really "mess up" and have a wish contrary to somthing he wanted or valued. Then, from his perspective, she had "changed" and had become "selfish." "She used to be nice, and now look!"

But in reality, this is not what had happened. She had not changed. When they first met, she showed only half of who she was, hiding the other half, which would come out in sneaky, indirect ways. After a while, it came out directly, such as when she disagreed with him. Then he would cry, "Foul."

So they both got what they asked for. In her compliance, she attracted a controller. In his control he attracted an adaptive person who had a secret side and was indirect. They were co-conspirators, and it always blew up.”

“True intimacy is only build around the freedom to disagree.”

“If you continue to blame other people for “making” you feel guilty, they still have power over you, and you are saying that you will only feel good when they stop doing that. You are giving them control over your life. Stop blaming other people.”

“He is the Truth, and He wants us to deal in truth with ourselves and our loved ones. We want the truth about you and your family to flood into and overrun the secrets that keep you in bondage to dysfunctional behavior and relationships”

“God's solution for "I can't live that way anymore" is basically, "Good! Don't live that way anymore. Set firm limits against evil behavior that are designed to promote change and redemption. Get the love and support you need from other places to take the kind of stance that I do to help redeem relationship. Suffer long, but suffer in the right way." And when done God's way, chances are much better for redemption.”

“Just as we leave the effects of our work behind in results, we leave the effects of our interactions with people in their hearts, minds, and souls.”

“If people are really narcissistic or have a need to be seen as more than they really are, or to be admired as having it all together, then they cannot be followed and trusted by others.”

“We have our own thoughts, and if we want others to know them, we must tell them.”