His gaze dropped, the faintest crack dared to shatter his well worn armor. But just as he almost believed himself capable of baring his flesh, the metal constraints restrained him once more - reminding him of the throne that would sit empty, awaiting a rightful heir for its worthy occupation. The warmth dissipated, dissolved like mist only leaving a chilly coldness left behind.

"But he is not a man that this world demands. Not anymore. Thrones don't bend to dreams, and the past is a cruel place to linger." It was impossible to turn back the clock and walk backwards. What had happened was merely a sliver of time in a fantasy of another universe, one he couldn't allow himself to step back into.

His eyes lifted, colder but steady yet impossibly distant. "I've learned that joy is a luxury I'm no longer allowed. And you, too, must find. away to live in its absence." There were always great matters at hand, more urgent necessities worth a life - or a death. Cesar paused once more, eyes searching hers to read through them again. His voice slightly softened but his resolve remained iron clad, like an unmovable force that had already made up its resolution. "We aren’t children anymore, Alix. The life we once imagined ended the day we took our places. Everything else is just an illusion we can’t afford."

alix had always believed cesar would be an excellent ruler, even as a fun loving and occasionally rambunctious child. didn’t he deserve that? to be a king who had the love and loyalty of his people, but also be able to laugh and find joy in the little things each day? to have such a burden on his shoulders, one that drained him and turned him as stoic as carved marble, must have been heartbreaking for the boy she once knew.

“but who do you want to be?” her gaze met his, equal parts familiar and unrecognizable. “i don’t want you to lose yourself for the sake of others or for the sake of what is expected of you.” she’d trade it all for them to turn back time and live as carefree children again.

“we must live without joy?” her brows furrowed as she shook her head, “no, cesar. i won’t do it. it’s been stripped from me once before and i won’t let it happen again.” alix knew danger lurked in santicarno, but would it be so terrible to briefly cope with a return to her past? “i didn’t ask for this title, cesar,” her voice trembled as she pressed her back against the bookshelf she was hiding behind, sliding down to the floor in defeat. “i didn’t want to take this place, i want to go back to the way things were. i used to believe i could outrun it, the pain. but now it seems it’s waiting in every corner for me to appear, to latch itself onto my heart.” 

teary mist filled her eyes and she didn’t have the strength to wipe away the tear that fell down her cheek. “i saw you again, cesar. whether you wanted me to or not, i saw the boy i once knew.” another tear fell, “surely within these library walls we can be those children again?” still on the ground, alix leaned over to peek at cesar, her eyes filled with cautious hope, “can we forget the work out there for a few moments? i’m scared.”

Everyone had seemed to take this whole unnatural occurrence far too seriously. For all they know or knew it could have easily been an elaborate trick, played upon them by the cardinals. It wasn't that she didn't take this seriously, but she wasn't about to let it ruin a perfectly good trip. Her dress, for one, had been the color of the richest, deepest ruby which under the candlelight strongly resembled the color of freshly spilt blood. Irony or providence? She couldn't tell, but she appreciated the dark humor of it. Reaching over to the pitcher of red wine, Vasilisa refilled her goblet before turning towards her noble companion. The seating charts were certainly so very random, she thought as she glanced at odd, miss-matched pairs thrown together. To promote diplomacy or to instill chaos? Perhaps both.

"I expect amusement and fun, but I cannot say I've expect this to occur." she said with a hint of amusement so clear in her voice. "Oh, pardon me, do you want a refill as well?" she remembered to ask her seating-companion before setting the down the pitcher. "At least the wine is good and the feast is lavish, but I wouldn't have expect anything less from the holy men."

he hadn’t realized he was standing so close to another until he heard her voice. glancing up, he was met with lovely brown eyes that made his heart stop and a blush bloomed across his cheeks. heracles wasn’t used to speaking to others, his mother had instilled how important it was for him to be seen and not heard. “oh…” he held his empty goblet up, “if you wouldn’t mind.” shifting on his feet, his eyes scanned the room, “its twisted, isn’t it? to be celebrating after such a…chilling…event?”

she just needed a moment alone. a moment to acknowledge what had transpired tonight and make peace with it, if only to get on with the rest of the night. to be the beautiful and poised lady of the court, who charmed many noble men and women with nothing more then a smile.

and then later, when she was in a warm bath and blissfully alone, she could truly accept and react to the biblical event that she had witnessed.

it had been a long while since she sat with her faith. perhaps events of the past had caused her to grow distant from god and the all knowing path he laid in front of her. but after today, she found it was within his holy walls that she finally felt a sense of comfort and peace.

the ornate rosary that was clasped between her hands ground her to this moment. with one final prayer, a request of clarity and protection, the brunette rose to leave. she was in the process of fixing the mask back upon her face when she noticed she was not alone. "it seems i am not the only one who sought guidance in a time like this?"

slipping out, alix tore the mask from her face as she pondered where to turn. diane. she'd become quite the source of comfort for alix, and alix knew exactly where she'd find her.

not bothering to keep quiet, alix pulled the hem of her dress up and ran down the cold, marble hallway towards the chapel. with the wind blowing through her hair, her dark curls fell from her updo and alix felt alive. she giggled to herself, almost deliriously, before her feet came to a stop in front of the chapel doors.

she hesitated in the doorway, half-hidden in the night for just a moment before the warmth of flickering candles and the comforting sight of diane pulled her inside. each step she took clicked, and she hoped she wasn't disrupting the other. the chapel seemed so much different in the pale moonlight following the fear that had struck the palace. the chapel was still sacred, but a haunting veil seemed to settle in the air. 

as diane turned, a warm smile pulled on alix's lips. "i was searching for guidance," she nodded, taking a step closer, "but not from a heavenly being. from you."

He wondered how she could have become something so entirely different. In their past, she was full life and enthusiasm and yet, the woman before him paled in comparison - as if every color that used to spin around her dulled, like a forgotten portrait hidden in a corner. His gaze was pointed, piercing as if he were trying to look through her, past whatever excuse she was mustering now.

"I don't know if I believe you."

He glanced away, back towards the books - scanning through only to be met with much disappointment. All were familiar titles he had already read through before. "I came looking for answers, not wine soaked laughter. I’ve never had the patience for festivities. Once the masks slip and the drink takes over, it’s all noise."

His attention turned to her, softer this time. “You used to hate it too.”

His voice was almost nostalgic, like he wasn’t speaking to the woman in front of him but to a version of her that no longer existed. “You’d sneak out before the second course,” he said, a faint smirk tugging at the corner of his mouth. “Said you’d rather spend the evening with a good book than pretend to laugh at court gossip.” He paused, eyes drifting to the flickering candlelight between them.

“I remember.” And then silence followed.

she cut her eyes playfully.

“perhaps,” she hummed, glancing at the bookshelf and carefully pulling the odyssey from where it had rested, dust falling from the book as she begun to flip to the first page, “i was just looking for my good friend, odysseus. he and i haven’t seen each other in far too long.” 

the sudden gentleness that flickered in cesar’s eyes caused her heart to skip a beat. it was as if she got a glimpse through the window of time, seeing the cesar she knew as a girl.

“why do you think i’m here, hmm?” she questioned, a teasing grin growing on her face, “i still hate it.” a fond giggle fell from her lips - the first that had since she’d arrived in santicarno. “i’d always slip back in for dessert though,” alix pointed out, a twinkle in her eyes lighting up, “that hasn’t changed.” even if seemed like everything else had changed. 

“she’s still here,” her voice was soft, as if she weren’t certain of her words. but after a lingering pause, alix’s eyes met cesar’s and a slow smirk pulled on her lips. “that girl who used to make you find her in her favorite hiding spots,” she hummed, keeping the copy of the odyssey against her chest as her feet slowly took her towards the corner of a nearby bookshelf where she slipped out of view behind it. “i’m certain that you could find her, cesar,” her laughter rang through the quiet library, “that is…if you still like to have fun.”

Goblet in hand , ash-grey dress donned and an equally pewter colored mask fastened at the face , Bianca wondered if it had been a stroke of irony or an otherwordly providence that had inspired such an outifit from her. Her usual colors were black and deep red , a dash of regal purple to make her presence more domineering , especially when she was feigning another mad spell to avoid a particularly persistent suitor. It had seemed so childish now. She was meant to marry one of these lords , many of them throughout the years to be frank , but they have all been terrified. She could see their fear and feel it , taste it in the dense air of the crowded , too hot a room for the middle of October.

"It all seems so unrealistic , do you not agree ?" she asked the masked individual hovering by the mulled-wine table she had remained leaning against. It was not her intention to hoggle the spot , but she did not feel like dancing. "That were are celebrating here while that strange thing falls from the sky. It seems almost cruel. Do you think it is still falling ?"

a soft voice cut through his spiraling thoughts, and he turned. his eyes landed on a woman with dark, gleaming hair that looked like it had captured stars from the night sky. he nodded slowly, shoulders lifting in a half-hearted shrug. “i love a party, i love wine, but this feels ridiculous,” he said. after a sip from the bottle, he wrinkled his nose in thought. “i suppose we’ll know more when the sun comes up.” he raised the bottle again, taking a long swig, then wiped the wine from his lips with little care for appearances. glancing at her goblet, a smile tugged at the corner of his mouth. “need a refill?”

The Russian winds of October gnaw at her like a relentless puppy, satisfying itself only when her fingers and toes go numb from the cold. The first signs of fall amuse her, turning leaves calling her name at every turn. And yet, there's a constant itch in her soul she can't quite scratch, a hollow space begging to be filled. Was this the curse of knowledge? Ignorance, it seemed, was a valuable resource in its own right, one that she'd lost many years ago.

She could taste the desperation on her tongue — just another hit would do, but she'd promised Misha she'd wait to do it with him, and being a Saturday, it meant that she had two more agonizing days to get through sober before she could find relief. So instead, she's taken to running around the gardens barefoot like a fool, lungs burning from both the chill of the air and the heat of physical exertion.

"Come join me!" she calls out, in broken Russian, to the blur of a stranger she'd just noticed in the corner of her eye, panting slightly as she slows down to take a proper look at him.

barefoot, running, and free. a vision of beauty, wild with a laughter. lev tossed his book of parchment to the ground as he watched her, arms crossed over his chest and a grin on his lips. her dark hair seemed to capture the orange glow of the sun as if she was the only one who the sun decided to shine on. when she called out to him, lev noticed the laughter and exhaustion that simultaneously laced her voice and her cheeks were flushed from the cold air and something more. perhaps it was defiance or a need for escape. and lev was enthralled.

slowly and rather lazily, lev pushed off the tree and walked towards her as if she had control over his every move. leaves crunched beneath his feet and his smile widened as he noticed the chaos in her eyes and he was drawn into it. maybe they were twin flames, with chaos that surrounded both of them. his cheeks turned pink as he neared her, whether it was from the chilled air or the sudden realization that her eyes were on him.

“i’d be honored to join you,” he beamed, a boisterous laugh falling from his lips as he clumsily took off his shoes and jacket. he didn’t want either slowing him down. it wouldn’t be the first time lev had run through the gardens. no, he often escaped his mother’s attempts at matchmaking him by running as if he were a child again. a stray hair had fallen into the stranger’s face and lev’s fingers reached forwards to tuck it behind her ear. his voice lowered, as if he were sharing a secret with her. “but you must tell me what you’re running from,” a smirk pulled on his lips, “and what your name is.”

The flowers still smelled wonderfully, in spite of the thin layer of red ash coating them. It felt like ash, it smelled like ash, but she wasn't entirely sure it was ash. At least once she dusted the petals of a rose, she found the flower possessing its usual fragrance. She was still in the middle of processing the events -- the demonic voice hissing at the from the above had been center figure of her worry. Though, she couldn't quite say why she had been so worried -- the pope's disappearance and the conclave panicking about this affair had not really been her problem. If Shiva wished to see their end to restore the better humanity, then so be it.

Footsteps had drawn her attention from the lush, evergreen flowers and trees. A greeting smile upon her lips, Sharvani turned towards the intruder. She had longed for some solitude after such a long sail and ride to Santicarno, and the bath she took did little to truly relax her. At least the change of clothes had been welcome. Still, she did not mind the company, once provided. "I would have thought the ash to harm the blooms, though I am happy to see they've been spared of divine wrath. Have you come to enjoy the scenery or escape the anxiety in the room?" she asked.

as she turned, lev’s eyes lit up. sharvani, a woman who bloomed more beautifully than any flower in the garden. lev’s heart hammered in his chest as the grin on his lips grew. “lady bhatti,” he mused, dipping his head in greeting, “you look as radiant as ever.” his gaze flickered to the flowers that surrounded them then back to her. a soft, barely noticeable blush dappled his cheeks. “i came to escape the insufferable anxiety of the room,” a soft hum as a smirk curved onto his lips, “though, i have found the most captivating of beauties. so, it seems i’m staying for the scenery. and what about yourself?”

He needed a distraction and what better place for that than the library? There were certainly a massive amount of books carefully archived and slotted on the shelves, his fingers trailing through all of them hoping to find something he hadn't yet read. He had come here to relish in the peace and quiet of being away from any family. Though, perhaps he wasn't the only one with that sentiment in mind.

He hadn't expected to run into her - not after all this time.

They were friendly when they were children, and he had thought her sweet. But how things had changed with the passage of time. He had written her a letter to offer her his condolences when he had heard of the unfortunate news of her family tragedy. Contents in the letter were far removed from who he once was as a child: hopeful, optimistic and sweet. The years had ruined all those soft traits and he had become hardened, stoic and calculating. Softness wasn't suitable for those who sought to rule the throne.

She looked different.

"Ah - I didn't expect to see you here." His jaw tensed at the awkwardness. He had heard plenty of rumors, especially given that his sister was now Queen of the french court. He wondered if the gossip was true and that she had fallen victim as another fool for the manwhore king of france. "Were you looking for someone?" An unspoken accusation that mayhaps the library was a rendezvous for her and the damned lover King. He couldn't help himself, surely there was some level of truth in those whispers.

In a way, he pitied her. But even with all the pity in the world, he had little interest with being involved with whatever circumstances she chose to pursue, even if he found it distasteful.

alix’s heart lost its slow, rhythmic melody, speeding up to a tempo that threatened to consume her. cesar.

memories washed over her like waves lapping against a rocky cliff — things she’d forgotten about before her life had been flipped upside down. as a child cesar was always so kind to her, he always made sure she felt included and seen. but, time seemed to hum between them, reminding her that they’d both changed. they weren’t free to run and laugh alongside one another like they had before. childhood had slipped through their fingers. 

he was mature, elegant, and just as handsome as he’d always been, wielding the kind of stoic presence that captured an audience. 

dipping into a slow, practiced curtsy, alix bowed her head before rising again. a soft smile slipped onto her lips as she greeted him, “your royal highness.” she saw the way his jaw clenched, she recognized the look in his eyes. she'd seen it before, but never from someone she'd once called a friend and alix felt herself shrink, desperately wishing she could disappear. she knew her relationship with henri was often deemed shameful and it felt like a betrayal to the queen, cesar's beloved sister, but she was in far too deep. her gaze fell to the floor as she closed the book in her hands.

"i was looking for somewhere to breathe," alix explained, daring herself to look at cesar again, "i wasn't looking for anyone. not really." her fingers tapped the book as she tilted her head curiously, eager to force the conversation elsewhere. "what brought you to the library?" she asked, "won't you be missed?"