Thanateros

“It takes a certain kind of mind to be capable of transforming poetry into pragmatism.”

Done with Tumblr.

Paraphrasing Jordan Peterson:

From riches to poverty. Still, holding the capacity to insurrect such a status in my own life – I already know it. Though, ultimately, I know I’m always holding myself back, via my vices and habits of comfortability. It just takes a certain ‘gusto’ to jump into the abyss and supersede one’s self-perceived limits. Change up the routine, so to speak. New opportunities will always present themselves. Whether you engage, or fail, or succeed, depends on how willing you are to transform your cultivated, routine habits.

Always professional on the clock. Off the clock, however, never professional unless need be – and even that’s a stretch.

I love how ads always be like, “drink responsibly.” For the majority of my life, I always frowned upon drinking until, one day, I got sick of being a waiter, after a decade of catering to other people’s egos, always putting on a professional persona, always making small talk all while subtlety encouraging my guests to purchase things they never needed to buy to make their experience great by just simply going out together, I bought a bartending book, studied, and soon after became a bartender in the heart of Seattle. Ever since then, I became an alcoholic – slowly but surely. Now, after three or four years (I have no sense of time anymore) I am that which I despised in my father growing up. Still, I engage. I’m not sure anymore if it’s out of free will, if it’s supposed to be a certain lesson I need to fully understand before I drop it out of my life, or just a call for help in disguise. In any case, here I am, doing me – drinking like I have no limit. Regardless, from my inherent perspective as a child, you can’t ever “drink responsibly.” Drinking, in general, is irresponsible. It may conjure up the muse, to a certain degree, however, it’s so devilish, that, you get sucked up in its trappings of being ‘the hero amongst the party of extrovertedness,’ or, ‘of being the realest there ever was’ – especially when your natural inclination is to be an introvert. Still, as an introvert, to finesse such a conscious disposition in your favor with but a liquid, it feels so freeing. You attract attention, in which you never could before. You attract, more specifically, some real beautiful girls, in which, before, you never could before. It’s always a crutch. I sometimes wonder if those women, despite there beauty, were never meant for me, and I just acted upon it out of superficial means. However, once you establish a connection, once that woman categorizes who you are from when you first met, you’re always trying to uphold that image just to maintain the relationship. That’s what I found anyways. Buying liquor to be ‘your best self’ (within limits) seems like a small price to pay for the girl of your dreams. It’s also completely self-destructive. I still have trouble weighing such benefits of alcohol to such a viscerally experienced detriment to the health of my body and mind in life. Or rather, perhaps, I just want connection with beautiful females that I no longer care about, because when I’m inebriated, they seem phenomenal, but when I wake up, I have to deal with the reality of who they truly are. It’s so superficial, I know, still, as a long-time stoner, I never saw anyone as being ‘hot’ as much as I did when I first started seriously drinking; those women, ultimately; were never as ‘real,’ in my eyes, even to this day, as the stoners I developed actual relationships with. They just had pretty faces and beautiful bodies, however, in time, I realized there exterior never matched their interior – in almost all of most cases.

Me? I know who I am. I’m a dude, playin’ a dude, disguised as another dude.

I can relate with and, more or less, understand just about anybody, which, paradoxically, makes most people unable to truly relate with or understand me.

The real question isn’t about whether or not God exists. I think most critical thinkers would agree that Santa Claus is but a fiction. No, the real question is:

It’s a bit strange how young adults looks up to, and even admire artists, and even aspire to live their kind of lives, when listening to their music on the radio or witnessing it upclose for themselves. I mean, if we were to psychologically dissect their artwork, most artists are - at the very base - extremely troubled, or, have a mental illness of some sort. I guess what we’re really applauding, then, is that, they’ve achieved as much as they have, given there current situation and the circumstances they’ve been dealt with. However, I think, it’d be never anything to wish to emulate, only to be inspired by, if they only knew the true gravity of the plight they experienced upon their journey of ‘becoming’ no one would wish it upon themselves, and yet, decade after decade, so many young wannabes and copycats are born, attempting to grasp the unattainable, because, yes, there are those who have reached the top of the mountain, so to speak, and have witnessed it, so, why not? It’s no doubt something else entirely to viscerally be at that peak altogether. The pinnacle of all success. (?) So, with so many seeds being planted within the minds of the youth, not knowing the toll it will have upon their own psyche and health to pursue such a path, the cycle simply continues, they latch onto such a dream. And that’s not to say it’s not worth it. However, it’s a precarious path. You either go through with it all the way, or you lose yourself within its trappings, leading to mediocrity, unfulfilledness in life, and ultimately, an untimely death – usually in an inglorious manner if you end up allowing your vices to consume you along the way. And no, there has never been a sober artist worth his salt upon this Earth – I dare you to name one. I suppose, I’ll say, to anyone trying to be an artist – a real artist – keep your wits about you - especially about what you allow into your life. Your natural talent is a curse in disguise. It will attract envy, power, and women (well, if you’re actually good). However, drugs and booze will most probably rob you “blindly” of so many future years if you aren’t vigilant, and you’ll come to find that sex is actually a weapon, that can be used against you, if you gain any kind of success that is. I guess, what I’m saying is, if you were born with a talent, that some inherent light within, a light innate to your predisposition as a person, well, with that light there will always be an equal shadow ‘mirroring your fortune.’ If not self-aware, of such inherent duality, your shadow will consume you, and any kind of notion you have of implementing your talent, your light, in a beneficial way, for humanity, before you pass on, well, if you cannot strike a truce with yourself, you will have doomed yourself to mediocrity... and that’s just me being kind with your expectations of yourself. Actually, honestly, less than that. You can’t think yourself through it – like I’ve tried to do – feeling and necessity (especially necessity and lack-in-life) will be your greatest catalyst in your artistry if you ever wish to succeed. Cerebral artists go nowhere until they’re dead. You have to be both intellectual and colloquial enough to cater to John Doe or you’ll lose your audience completely, every time. It’s just, that, no one wants to get that uncomfortable to dig in and experience ‘the muse’ viscerally in a place of despair and solitude. That’s why liquor – a horrible drug that’s so readily available – to forget. True art is only found in the abyss, from pure intent – and yeah, it’s scary, depressing, and downright shameful – however, it will always be real.

If you always think logically, you’ll never go beyond your limits. That’s just playing it safe. It takes movement out of feeling, out of passion, to break out of such a linear, limited, mathematically self-constricting box to achieve great things, to act out of your own habits of pattern.

The more you go through, the more you understand, well, the more you don’t care anymore, in the eyes of others in any case.

Jordan Peterson is intelligent – to some respect. Just as, Joe Rogan, is intelligent – to some respect. I chose those two because they’re YouTube famous. Regardless, there’s so many more men that are also famous for their own reasons. Never suck it all up in yourself – their philosophy – and swear it to be the end all of Truth. Every man has their inspirations, every man has their wisdom, and every man has their limitations. Especially yourself. Don’t think it doesn’t apply to others as well.

Pulling a “Shia LaBeouf”

I used to think that all I wanted to do in life is have fun. After more than a decade of having fun, I realize, my fun times were always amplified by some sort of accomplishment made during that day. And if I hadn’t accomplished anything that day, my ‘fun time’ was used as a kind of substitute, or overcompensation.