Imagination

So... this rambling is mostly just for myself i guess, it helps to write it down? xD

Tumblr. For the moment it feels like there’s a huuge chasm between me and tumblr. Yeh I havent added any art in quite a while but that’s happened before but i still used to atleast check tumblr once a day. Now i don’t and when i do i just feel like... nah and leave pretty much right away X’D

Havent done much creative stuff in general, which sucks abit but there been other things going on i guess... university one thing. I wanna do more original work, i wanna get my creativity back and working on a daily basis, wanna feel like im growing again, learning! Right now im just stuck x3

So yeah Tumblr! I don’t know if i feel a point with it anymore? But i know i’ve had phases like this before... last time I deleted my old account (with the same url) and went away for a while then came back and said i wouldnt make fanart. Cuz that was my reason for leaving, i felt that fanart had “destroyed” my will for original art but well it didn’t take long for me to star makin it again XD Since i realised it didn’t really matter? art is art and if i enjoy what i do that’s all that matters. And it’s true! It’s something i often say to others and I stand by it. Now I just wanna get back into the groove you know? 

The thing about my art and tumblr is that it IS the fanart that draws people in, it’s what has given me most of my followers. It’s just a fact. Honestly I’m not expecting people to fawn over my art, or for it to get a bunch of notes but it does get to you when the 10 min drawing of a character from an anime gets so much more notes than something original you’ve poured hours into. But it’s because you’ve attracted this crowed with a bunch of apples and then you try and offer them bananas... XD

I don’t know if it sounds like im upset or angry, im not, I’m just.. reflecting on what makes me happy or not and what has a positive or negative effect on me. For now im studying to get a degree so i can work with something i find interesting, but I’ve realised that I problaby dont wanna have that as my end game? I still feel that I want to work with my creativity in some way, i just dont know what yet though but that’s why im thinkin about these things! =D

So what is best for me? Sure I could just put tumblr on hiatus and come back later if i want to.... but im not sure that’s smart. At this point im thinking that if i would leave (or hibernate) and then come back i might feel more inclined to go back to deviantart instead, cuz besides the whole art thingy alot of things on tumblr just makes me upset nowadays ^^”

Hhhmmmmm... what to do, what to do...

Summer is here and im starting it with leaving to visit a friend next week. She’s from my class but i only started talking to her outside of school last autumn but honestly I’ve wanted to talk to her for a long time but im shy XD She’s super cool though, this one of a kind friend thats just perfect and you match so well? I am very lucky to now have two such friends! So I’m visiting her and stay in their cabin and were just gonna relax, have fun and hopefully be creative. After that the summer will continue to be calm with just positive events, and the traditional visit to @valaid ofc! :3

Im gonna go to sleep now and then ponder this some more. Maybe I’ll just leave it all be for the summer... yeah that might be a good idea!