âYes, I understand. I have been kept busy by my thoughts. I couldnât go into The Sept today⌠I think Senya would want me to step up, and⌠in order to do that Iâm going to not go into The Sept as much.â She paused before speaking again.
âIâll pray from time to time but⌠Nyles Iâm tired of praying so much, Iâm tired of crying so much. I know the pain will never end but⌠I think that for me, it must end. I need to move on, meet new people, possibly get betrothed, get married, have children⌠Senya would have wanted that for me with all of her heart⌠I want that for myself⌠I always have, and so because I want it with my whole being and to honor herâŚ. Iâm going to do just that.â Mariya said as she blinked away tears.
âIf you want to, and when youâre ready and only when youâre ready⌠then you should do whatever it is you desire to do⌠because our sister would want you to be happy, she would want that for the both of us. But, itâll take time for the both of us to completely get there, because weâre still hurting.â She said, letting all of her thoughts spill from her lips as she hugged Nyles again.
Tears fell from her face before she quickly wiped them, she then gazed at him with a sudden look of determination.
âYouâre not alone Nyles⌠I miss her terribly, everyday. But, sheâs watching us from beyond and we must make her proud.â
Mariya took a deep yet shaky breath before sniffling a bit. Though it never crossed her mind, she was stronger than she thought she was.
âSo, being here in New Valyria⌠I wasnât hesitant to leave home⌠I needed to get away for a while⌠too many memories are back home currently. I think we should both see this place as a new beginning for us, for House Rowan⌠that is, when weâre ready to see it in that way. Do you have any thoughts about that, brother?â
She knew that it would take time for not just herself but her brother and everyone whose lives had been touched by Senyaâs beautiful presence to mourn her. She was aware that grief was not just something everyone could get over⌠she wasnât even properly over it and she had a feeling she never would be. But life went on and she refused to let grief dim her light. After all, her sister would be watching from beyond, and Mariya didnât want to disappoint her.
Before it all, before the fires and the forest, before the chaos, before her death, Nyles could listen to this kind of talk. He could find himself enraptured by it, hearing every word and digesting at least most of them. Now he could barely keep his eyes focused as his younger sister spoke as she talked about futures her could no longer picture for himself. She spoke of marriages and children and Nyles could not imagine those things for himself any longer. Could not imagine asking someone he who he was meant to be a partner with to do the thing that had killed his beloved sister.
People died in the birthing bed, it was known, but he could have never seen it happening to their family. So close to him. No Mariya may dream of children and marriage, but Nyles could not any longer. He could not ask for that from anyone. He hummed, his stomach twisting sickly,âPerhaps find a spouse before you speak of children.â
Who would tell him Mariya died in the birthing room? He craved cold stone on his face, if only to chase these thoughts away from himself. âI will do what is needed for House Rowan,â He answered finally, lying both to himself and her in that moment. âBut I fear, I need to find myself again before I do that.â