Perfect Storms.

At the end of this week: I asked myself a simple question: Where am I? And why the hell am I always so melancholic at the end of the day- no matter how much I laughed that day. It has been an interesting week of emotional storm and external satisfaction. There are certain things in life that I certainly have to accept. 1. Bad things are going to happen to me, like it or not, I have got to deal with it. 2. In times, I get vulnerable: I must close myself at a place of solitude and face my fears. 3. I have to stop blaming myself for things that are happening around me. 4. Most importantly, I have to stop over thinking stuff. It doesn’t get any good results, what’s bound to happen will happen anyway. 5. For once and for all, if people do not like me, it’s not I who is less. It’s just not meant to be. 6. When logic defies what I feel is right, I will do it anyway, rather wasting time thinking what if. 7. I have got to stop pressuring myself about things that haunt me. It’s doing a lot of emotional conflict to me. 8. I will always be nice to people, regardless. But I won’t let toxic people clobber and ruin me as an individual. 9. Everyone who is important to me, doesn’t have to know what’s going on with my life. Survival indeed is a rebellious act and this is mine. 10. It’s okay to put on a smile everyday. Even if I feel like crying. I’ll play good times in my head. But I won’t tear up over petty things. I’ll try my best to present myself. 11. Life will give me many reasons to stop on the path of what I believe in. I won’t give up without a fight. If I believe something is wrong, neglected or baffling: I’ll speak up. 12. Some times, acceptable isn’t right. It is purgatory. But again it condescends truth. I can’t fight with that. 13. I’m not the opinion of someone, who doesn’t know me, no matter how connected they are to me. It gets better. I just have to keep in mind that, at the one on one level of the day, I’ll have the best person I know, myself. Cause I never lied to myself. Have come this far, no giving up now. Let’s focus on the bigger picture: Dreams. :’)

Now that I come to think of it, there is a link between the hypothetical and real. And that link is emerged in hallucinating thoughts of our minds. We can't control it. We can choose either to abide by it or rebel or simply distract ourselves. Given the wheel of life- I guess, this chapter right now is a lesson. Lesson to stop being so cruel to self and kind to others. I have this tendency which leads me to care too much- sensitive as you may say. Which in return, breaks me into pieces. And since no good has come my way: I mend quickly. I think, time has come, to be just to self now. And adjust with the fact that it's okay, if others aren't okay with it, because I eventually will be. :')

Come to think of it, I totally would agree to it. Because, I chose my first reader. She is amazing. I do not regret it. But I did something, I didn't want to. I cried. I now know, it'll always hurt. And I owe no obligation to make sense, if it's meant to make sense, it will. Or I'll end up being a psycho in their opinion. My story has nothing to loose. With each telling, it only weaves multiple threads and remorse. So, that is pretty much it. Will I ameliorate with time? I don't know. But I won't loose faith in miracles. :')

Imagine, you are walking on a rainy day, even though you know, getting drenched in the rain, might get you to fall sick. And suddenly, it stops to rain. And, a beautiful rainbow manifests in front of your eyes. It’s gratifying to watch and you establish to stay there a while, and admire its unmatched pulchritude. But whilst all these, the sweet arms of atmosphere, the assuage of being there with no worries and the exuberance of the day vanishes. As the cloud burst begins and along with it, come the shadowy, murky and overcast clouds. To take away all the peace you found a few moments back, that made you feel everlasting, timeless and aeonian.