Scandira

Something I realized when talking to a fellow sub who messaged me recently, was how we probably don’t share “imperfection” often enough. 

I think it’s just a lot more instinctual to share the idealistic moments as those are the ones we want to linger on and document most. So I share, and I think lots of others share - the moments where their dom makes them feel perfectly submissive, perfectly helps them s hut their busy brain off, and brings them to euphoric pleasure in bed. 

I think there’s a lot of benefit in sharing the less-than-perfect experiences too though. The moments where we miscommunicate, where our doms might try to help us feel submissive but it just doesn’t quite work, or they may say something trying to turn us on that doesn’t quite push that button. Moments where we’re awkward or insecure, or don’t know what to say or do to create the feelings we’re after. I think all couples have moments like this. Nobody just decides to start D/s or explore kink and then has every sexual experience work out exactly as they’d hoped. That just isn’t real life. And I think sharing some of those experiences can be helpful. 

Especially for the benefit of others who may not know what is “normal’ or common or what the nitty gritty reality of figuring out D/s or kink can look like.

So with that in mind, here are a few of my experiences that come to mind. 

CD likes to thrust slow, hard and deep to make me squeal sometimes. It’s the type of sadism thing where he knows I don’t prefer this, but will tolerate it for him. Recently he was doing that, but rather than the regular sort of pain I experience with that, it was giving me sharp stomach pains. He only did it 2 or 3 times, and I didn’t say anything but he somehow realized I was not enjoying it - in a way that is different from the regular ‘suffering for you’ kinda thing. He commented that it didn’t seem like I was enjoying it, and I could tell that it had impacted his sexual headspace. I explained that it was giving me stomach pains. He asked why I didn’t say anything and I told him that for some reason I just didn’t really even consider saying something because I knew he was intentionally making it hurt, but I also knew that he wasn’t trying to make my stomach hurt - so I don’t really know why it didn’t occur to me to say something. It just didn’t. He told me that in the future he wants me to say something. 

CD likes to hear me beg for his cock, so sometimes he will pause during sex to encourage me to beg. There have been times where he’s paused because he needs a breather or has a cramp or something, and I’ve not realized it, and have started begging. We mostly just laugh, but it’s a bit awkward to beg and be told “hang on, I have a cramp in my calf.” lol. 

We’ve had times where CD has denied my orgasms for a few days with the intent of it building up to a really intense orgasm, but then I had a really weak orgasm instead. 

We’ve had sex where we thought I was 100% done with my period but then penetration makes a mess. 

Once CD asked me “Do you feel so humiliated?” in a tone where it was clear to me that he was turned on by thinking he was humiliating me - but I really wasn’t feeling embarrassed! 

Once while teasing me with access to his cock, Cd asked me if I ‘deserved’ it. We didn’t realize prior to that, that ‘deserve’ is a word that triggers me to feel undeserving…and finding out in the middle of sex was less than peasant, but now we know! I’ve seen people call experiences like that where you accidentally hit a limit that you didn’t know existed “discovering landmines”

I don’t really have a particular memory I can pull out as an example, but I also thought I should say that it takes a while to figure out how to effectively create specific feelings in a sub. We’ve never regularly discussed aiming for a particular feeling (like ‘I want to reach subspace, or I want stress relief, or I want to turn  my brain off, etc). Still, it’s definitely taken time, experience and trial and error to learn what does and doesn’t work for creating all of those feelings. What effectively gets me into subspace one day may not work on another day if my mood, hormones, stress levels, etc are different. Headspace can be finicky sometimes, so even if you’ve been at it a while and usually know what works…some days your usual routine may just not work. That’s just normal, this is an ongoing learning process. 

I also wanted to add that when I do share those idealistic experiences, in most cases he’s managed to create those experiences because of having years of experience and feedback from me. So it’s not that has always ‘just known” how to make me a submissive pile of goo. He’s asked me lots of questions, tried things to see what works and what doesn’t, observed reactions, and we’ve shared our feelings for years. And that’s a lot of how we’ve learned how to get really awesome experiences….but it’s still imperfect. We still get it wrong sometimes, have awkward moments, miscommunications, etc. We just keep learning about ourselves and each other as we go.  

If other D/s people on here are open to it, I’d love to see others share some of their ‘imperfect’ kink experiences too. :) 

There’s a world of difference between a situation where a sub might say “I’m a sub so my pleasure doesn’t matter” and that turns the sub on, so this whole interaction actually pleases the sub…

Vs a situation where a sub’s pleasure is literally minimized and the sub is expected to have their desires widely neglected. 

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Or a situation where a sub hasn’t had an orgasm in weeks and they might say “Good girls don’t cum.” but they enjoy the neediness that denial brings them overall…even if it brings frustration too, it’s a net positive for them overall. 

Vs a sub who genuinely doesn’t enjoy denial and hasn’t had an orgasm in weeks because they’re trying to prove to their dom (or themselves) that they’ll attempt to amputate their needs and wants for the sake of proving themselves “submissive”. 

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▪️◾️◼️⬛️◼️◾️▪️

He slaps me across the face hard. Then he caresses my cheek until my eyes meet his.

“Do you still like me?”

I give him a curious look, followed by a soft smile. “Yes, Sir.”

He smiles back. Then he hits me. And again. And again and again. I can barely process one before the next comes. The tears start welling up almost immediately. My jaw clenches to hold them back.

“Do you still like me?”

Ohhhhh. Now I understand. He wants to see how far I will go for him. How much I will take.

“Yes, Sir.”

This time I say it with more resolve. I wonder if he hears it as a challenge. Courage can be a dangerous thing when a sadist sees it. But I want to show him my strength, even if it means he pushes me further. I want him to see what his girl can give him.

But it’s not my strength he wants; it’s my surrender. It’s not my stoic resolve; it’s my raw emotional response. It’s the letting go.

And that’s why blows keep coming. SLAP. SLAP. SLAP. Left left right right right. I close my eyes tight. A few tears squeeze through. Then his lips are on my ear.

“Shhh. It’s okay. It’s okay. You don’t have to hold back. I want those emotions. Give them to me.”

His tone is sweet. Reassuring. I nod softly as my lip trembles. Then he’s hitting me again. Harder. The tears are rolling down my cheeks now. I want to pull away. Maybe I even try a couple of times. But he holds me there. My face burns. A couple times he hits me hard enough that I wonder if there will be a bruise. But I stop thinking. I stop wondering when he will stop or if I can take it. I stop fighting the tears, and I let them flow. When he stops, he kisses them from my cheeks. Then he licks his lips.

“Do you still like me?”

“Yes, Sir.”

This time, my voice is soft and small. Surrender. Nothing left in me but the emotions he creates. I’ve given all the rest to him. I feel exhausted. Weak.

But after, curled up in his arms, I can feel the strength returning to me. But this strength isn’t in spite of the surrender; it’s because of it. The strength comes from taking down the walls I use to protect myself and standing naked in front of him. Completely open and vulnerable. Seen. Giving myself to him in such a raw form and knowing he accepts me exactly as I am. I am stronger because he stands with me.

Do you still like me?