song: in the hall of the mountain king

@chicken-mc-nuggets

I saw someone saying earlier that feeling safe and being safe are different and that we are entitled to being safe, but not to feeling safe, and the example they brought up was like terfs making trans women existing in bathrooms out to be this huge danger to cis women when all stats and research shows that trans women are not and have never been any type of danger to cis women which is what i mean by not all boundaries are valid and I think it’s important to be aware of your reasoning for setting a boundary outside of something just making you feel uncomfortable

Oh I really fuck with this. Not to derail, but this makes me think of how white women will weaponize their womanhood against black men because black men make them feel unsafe simply by existing. They’ll call you a misogynist for questioning their desire to feel safe instead of examining themselves for anti blackness. Like I’m sorry but feeling unsafe can absolutely be the result of unconscious bias and/or straight up bigotry. Examine those feelings to find out, please, because they aren’t always valid!

Not derailing at all! That actually came to mind for me too, and how in general so many white ppl have really intense boundaries about where they feel safe going too and it’s always black neighborhoods, I just wasn’t sure if it was my place to use as an example since I’m white

Adding onto this, an alternative framing to "not all boundaries are valid" is "some boundaries are gonna require you to eat the cost yourself". For example, if a cis woman decides that she never wants to share a bathroom with a trans woman, I have no problem with that as long as she's willing to either stay home or seek out single occupancy bathrooms. In practice this gets kinda nuanced because it brings up questions about how much we want to allow people to make decisions out of prejudice. In this way it's kind of like Dating Preferences discourse, and as such it's also subject to the fact that on some level we can't really stop people from doing what they want. But by that point we're reaching the limits of valid/not valid as a useful framework.

This is an interesting addition can I offer an alternate framing “some boundaries shouldn’t be socially validated” because boundaries are only boundaries if they are socially enforced so it’s less allow/disallow but more about what boundaries we socially validate

Ohhhhh I love this. Avoids the essentialism of valid/not valid by focusing on the process by which boundaries and preferences are validated by other people.

Right! Same with preferences! Like no we cannot control who other ppl fuck, but we can also socially push back on bigoted statements of preferences instead of just shrugging our shoulders and letting ppl say things like “oh I don’t fuck trans ppl” with neutral “prefs are prefs” responses. Like ppl can have bigoted preferences, but they shouldn’t be socially comfortable in their bigotry.

panera bread is the only place that’ll probably never spell my name right

Panera Bread is the only place that employs honest loyal men and then their whore employee women seduce them and basically their all a bunch of sluts. West Saint Paul Panera whores… I hate you.

this is how blue check marks saw it happen