Saving the world, and looking good doing it.

“We take a dance class together and our next routine calls for partnerwork, and we got put togeth-STop standing on my foot!” AU

“We live in adjacent apartments and our bedrooms are on opposite sides of a very thin wall and one night I heard you crying and talked to you through the wall” AU

“We live in adjacent apartments and one day I accidentally knocked a hole in the wall and into your living room I’m really sorry oh my god you’re naked” AU

“We’re both cosplayers and we somehow always manage to meet each other at cons dressed as a popular ship and people want photos of us in compromising positions and oops now we’re kissing” AU

“We sat next to each other during a really sad film and now we’re sharing tissues silently whilst we cry at the cinema” AU

“You and I both got arrested for holding up traffic to let a duck with ducklings cross the road and now we’re in the same holding cell” AU

“I was on my balcony playing music and you were walking past and stopped to listen because it’s your favourite band too” AU

“We bonded on the train through our mutual exasperation at another spiderman reboot” AU

“Your hair is so soft…” 

“It’s too cold! Get back here…” 

“No, I’m not letting you go. It’s too early to get out of bed.” 

“You’re so cute when you pout like that!” 

“C’mere, you can sit in my lap until I’m done working!” 

“Surprise tickle attack!” 

“Share your jacket, I forgot mine.” 

“Just relax, I’ll wash your hair for you.” 

“I’m not going to stop poking you until you give me some attention.” 

“I didn’t mean to leave you alone for so long—come here, I missed you.” 

“Are you wearing my shirt?” 

“Ssh, you’re safe. I wont let go of you.” 

“What, does that feel good?” 

“Fine, I wasn’t planning on staying anyway. Why the hell would I?” Tony said, his voice still surprisingly calm as he turned away. “And if you think that I’m threatening her, just wait and see what happens if these papers go through.” He began walking away, just taking a few steps before pausing, and half turning back to the couple. 

“With all due respect, Mr. Stark.. Bernadette is perfectly safe here.. Safer than she would ever be in that tower..” He started, eyes glowing brightly by now, steam coiling from his lips with every word. If one had to compare him to anything right now, it would be a dragon, ready to burn its victim. 

He took one more step, forwards, now standing so close that Tony would be able to feel the heat from the steam that released from the vents of the robot.

“Oh, and, no offence, Tony… But we have better technology than you.. I reckon that we will be able to protect her better than you ever would.. And trust me, we will..” He leaned forwards, staring into his eyes “And by the way.. Your government has no powers in this dimension… As Bernadette is not a wanted woman here.. And if they try and get to her, you can be sure of the fact that they will meet resistance..”

He had known this was a risky move, but he had thought that it was only risky because of the risk of Bernie hulking out if the shock of it was too much. He hadn’t even taken into account the security measures that must have been taken here. Three robots. A giant cat. Goodness knows what else. Of course it would all need protecting. How could he have been that stupid?

Well, no matter how stupid he was, he was at least eight times more stubborn. And he wouldn’t, he couldn’t, accept defeat that easily. He lowered his arms to his sides, letting the papers drop to the floor, un-needed, and thus, forgotten. 

“No. No! I won’t lose her! No matter what, I, I won’t let you take her away from me! Not for good! Not forever! No!”

“Spine.” She almost whispered, her voice incredibly small. She made no move to get up, and hoped that she could bring The Spine’s attention off of Tony just for a moment, just so he would have that moment to allow some of his anger to dissipate. 

But Tony chuckled, shaking his head, and looked down at her, though still spoke to The Spine. 

“Look at me, when I’m talking to you!” He demanded, steam releasing from his mouth as he spoke. He was stern and cold, not going to stand down, no matter what, but he moved his hand, though, gently taking that of his beloved, to show her, that he was still him, he had his sanity under control. But Tony.. His eyes never moved from him.

“You know, Tony.. I’m a patient man, with a decent temper.. I have tried to be friendly towards you, I have tried to be friends with you, even.. But over and over, you have stepped all over my attempts, you have insulted me, you have insulted my family, and my entire existence.. Now, you show up here, in my world, in my house, and you threaten my fiancé, the woman I love.. This was the last straw, and my patience has run out..” He spoke in that deep, chilling voice, calm af ever, but his voice was dripping with poison. 

He made sure to connect their eyes again, as soon as he could, staring him down, as he let go of the hand of his beloved, slowly moving towards him, steam hissing angrily from his vents.

“Fine, I wasn’t planning on staying anyway. Why the hell would I?” Tony said, his voice still surprisingly calm as he turned away. “And if you think that I’m threatening her, just wait and see what happens if these papers go through.” He began walking away, just taking a few steps before pausing, and half turning back to the couple. 

“Oh come on, like you didn’t play a little dirty to get her in the first place, I’m just returning the favour. For some insane reason, no one believes me when I say it, so I needed proof, and now it should be obvious that she’s better off with me.” He said, somehow managing to keep his voice as smooth as ever. 

Those emerald eyes would start to glow, a deep shade of green, deeper than ever before. The blue matter core would give off a whirr, as he straighened his back, suddenly seeming taller than he really was. Steam coiiled from his vents in angry whisps, as he connected his eyes with those of the other, not even blinking as he spoke.

“With all due respect, Tony, the only one playing dirty around here is you.. There is a reason that no one believes you, when you try to explain to them, how I “played dirty” to get her.. I appeared in your world by accident, with no intention of falling in love, but I did.. I merely held her, when she needed it, I never lied to her, because I can’t lie, and I would never put her in harms way.. Ever since then, you have harrassed us, you have come up with schemes to have her come back, you have tried with force, to get her away from me.. You even went out of your way to insult my sister, when she offered you her help.. But I’ll tell you something.. She’s not going with you.. I will not let her go.. If she truly wanted to leave me, and if she would be happy elsewhere, I would let her go, because I love her, and I only want the best for her.. You.. You don’t love her.. You’re just a little boy, in a mans body, who cannot play well with others, and you think you can own people..”

“Spine.” She almost whispered, her voice incredibly small. She made no move to get up, and hoped that she could bring The Spine’s attention off of Tony just for a moment, just so he would have that moment to allow some of his anger to dissipate. 

But Tony chuckled, shaking his head, and looked down at her, though still spoke to The Spine. 

It was the perfect moment. A bright day, but not too hot. A light breeze, enough to keep the air cool, but not so strong that things blew away and hair covered eyes. Anyone could have appreciated it, but, sitting in the shade of a large tree, and curled up in the arms of her love, Bernadette thought it was perfect. She was happy, she felt secure, and absolutely certain that nothing could ruin this perfect moment. 

But of course, she had let her guard down, so something was bound to happen. And it did. Though she didn’t understand how he could have gotten to this side of the portal, or how he had managed to make his way to the gardens to find them, Tony appeared in her sights. Holding a stack of papers. Bernadette grew tense as he made his way towards them, and she opened her mouth to make a comment, but he cut her off. 

“Don’t worry, I don’t want me to be here either, but I thought you’d want to see these.” Tony dropped the papers on the floor, but Bernadette didn’t pick one up just yet.

“What are they?” 

“Government papers. Lots of different governments. All the governments that don’t like you.” That was when Bernie picked up one of the papers, reading as fast as she could, because whatever they were, they were bad news. “See, all of them had given up, started leaving you alone. Because of me. Remember all that trouble I went through to protect you? These papers cancel it out. Once they’re finalised, all the countries you ticked off will be able to come looking for you.” He paused here, starting to collect the papers back up. Bernadette didn’t speak, too overwhelmed with the shock to do anything but shake her head, not wanting to believe it. 

“Of course,-” Tony continued. “-they don’t have to be finalised. If you would stick around at the tower, I could still keep them away from you. Oh, but, don’t think you could keep sneaking back here, the portal would have to go, along with him. You just come back, and these go in the shredder, and we never speak of them again. But, if you don’t,-” He pulled the paper from Bernie’s shaking hands. “-there’s nothing I can do.”  

Bernadette couldn’t quite process what was happening. Her mind was spinning, and all she managed was a whispered, “How could you?” before looking to The Spine for support, because she just didn’t know what to do.

But all good things come to and end, and the smile vanished, as soon as he heard the familiar voice of Tony Stark. Eyes went wide, as they quickly scanned the papers that had been dropped in front of them. His expression changed, it became cold, and emotionless, as he slowly moved, stood up, towering over the man.

“Oh come on, like you didn’t play a little dirty to get her in the first place, I’m just returning the favour. For some insane reason, no one believes me when I say it, so I needed proof, and now it should be obvious that she’s better off with me.” He said, somehow managing to keep his voice as smooth as ever.