Some Shit Storm That Hit Me Like A Train

Pain to me is a relative term. And right now I think it's time to vent about mine. So I've been heart broken a few times yeah? I've done things, pushed people away, lost a lot of people I really loved. So I broke down a few nights ago in my car. It was just past 10pm and I was in a parking lot. I lit up a cigarette, leaned my seat back and played some music. Reflecting on who I've loved and lost. And I think the worst part of this all is, is when I see /her/ face. When I see /her/ and remember everything I said because I was lied to. Because so many people fed me the idea that she cheated on me. Because I trusted them when I should have trusted her. But by the time I found out the truth, it was too late. The damage was done. So every time I see her face, hell, even pictures of her, I lose it. I remember it all. Every kiss, every touch, every fucking second. And I remember where I was the day I lost her. And you know what? I'm paying for it now. A few nights ago in my car with a cigarette and a bottle of beer, I beat in the side of my car door, drowned my feelings, and drove home at blinding speeds to try and kill myself. And by some miracle, I got home. I got home, went inside and cried in a corner while pulling out my hair. No one has ever seen me this low but that night I almost killed myself just over /her/. But then I realized, "Hey, she's happy now. Leave her be." So I did. And try as I might to move on and find someone else, I keep getting shot down. And tell you all the truth, it really gets tiresome. So when you want to forget everything and move past someone and you're desperate, you do stupid things. You try to find the answer at the bottom of every bottle, in the butt of a cigarette, and in the depths of some synthetic drug. But it doesn't help. Not at all. Because you remember it all through all of those. And you feel like a monster. But you live with it. Why fight it anymore? You pushed away the girl you loved all over a fucking rumor. Just live and deal. If not for yourself, for your friends. I have a deathwatch but the only reason I'm still here is because I have friends that have my back and I have theirs. To the bitter end my friends. To the bitter end.

My mom told me to go kill myself 👌👌

Bite me Scratch me, Bind me, Fuck me. Buy me coffee.

How do I just talk to someone like goddamn I like this girl and she's cute as fucking hell, but I don't know how to talk to her at all. Like I'll sit there for 30 minutes with my phone in my hand waiting to text her like wtf do I say??

The only reason America would go to Mars would be if it had oil.