An Eternal Dreamlike State

FierceGlam

Gonna tell y’all what I can hear now that I got my hearing aids

Birds! They chirp and it’s so beautiful.

Far away cow moos

My best friends singing voice

The filter for my fish tank! Bubble bubble bubble

I sit in the bass section in band. Today I could clearly hear the flutes up at the front! They’re not great, but I can finally hear them!

Me playing guitar for the first time. Took the hearing aids out. Not a very good sound… yet

Tree leaves in the wind. I got a little spooked at first because it’s 1 am and I’m alone in the park but it’s a real good sound.

Colored pencils make a real nice scratch noise when I’m drawing. I didn’t know they did that

I forgot to add this is the beginning! But that little sniffing noise that dogs make when they’re smelling the air or the ground? Wonderful!

one thing i do want to say though is i think as h*mosexual women but also just as women in general is that we need to recognize that “i’m not performing for men” is only one half of the picture. maybe you don’t want men’s approval but how much do you need women’s acceptance? how much are you smoking and drinking and doing coke and running and dieting and posting about forgetting to eat and performing other kinds of violence for the approval of other women? how much pressure do women put on you to negate the features of your body or your race or your sexuality or anything else…can you get away with stimming around other women? can you get away with not shaving? can you be around your female friends and feel fat without saying “i feel fat” so no one would mistake you for not punishing yourself for what is (erroneously) assumed to be a “transgression” of the body? can you look ugly and know that the female store clerk or the barista or the girl at the sink next to you or the girl on the bus with you or the girl with you on the elevator on the girl you have to squeeze past in the lecture hall to get out of the aisle will be kind and respectful to you and not act disgusted. can you be around your female family members without them commenting on your body? so much masochism and violence remain normalized among women because we say “well I’m not doing it for men, so it’s my choice” but how much are you doing out of a fear of women?