Second Best ( Under con)

“Betrayed by my own butt yet again.”

“Can you explain memes to me?”

“Contrary to popular belief, penguins are… birds.”

“Did you think I was gonna stab you just now?”

“Don’t cry. Don’t cry. I swear to god if you cry again.”

“Don’t write checks your dick can’t cash.”

“Here’s to bad decisions and relaxed moral values.”

“How’s the…… jeeeeeeeeeesus?”

“I am a happy little cheese monster.”

“I am spinning a web of lies that I fear will one day consume me.”

“I don’t want your stupid fruit leather.”

“I have to get a solid two to three hours of brooding in per day. Filling quotas.”

“It’s called ‘string cheese’ and not ‘chompy cheese’ for a reason.”

“I’ll probably end up standing uncomfortably in the corner with a plate of food and hope that nobody talks to me.”

“I’m so many levels of irony deep I’ve forgotten what humour is.”

“I’m suddenly struck with the overwhelming need to crawl back into bed.”

“Mothman is bullshit.”

“My ultimate sexual fantasy is sleeping in on a Saturday.”

“OH SHIT THAT’S A KNIFE.”

“See you in class… bitch.”

“Sharks are tight.”

“So, you ever kill a man?”

“Stop being so desperate to please your hot friend.”

“That… that is a good butt.”

“The key to being cool is acting like you don’t care about anything but actually care very deeply about everything to the point where it’s debilitating.”

“This ice cream cake is my new boyfriend.”

“This is where I come to masturbate.”

“Wait, I’m a wreck.”

“WHAT HAVE YOU DONE.”

“You can never be too careful. See that baby in that stroller over there? Government operative.”

“Your face… is… good.”

Death of A Bachelor-

“Do I look lonely?”

“Maybe I lost weight.”

“I’m walking the long road, watching the sky fall.”

“The lace of your dress tangles my neck, how do I live?”

“How could I ask for more than a lifetime of laughter?”

“Happily ever after…”

“I’m cutting my mind off.”

“It feels like my heart is going to burst.”

“I’m alone at a table for two.”

“When you think of me, am I the best you’ve ever had?”

“Share one more drink with me.”

“Smile even though you’re sad.”

This is Gospel-

“If you love me let me go.”

“These words are knives and often leave scars.”

“I have a fear of falling apart.”

“Truth be told, I was never yours.”

“Bury me alive.”

“I won’t give up without a fight.”

“Don’t try to sleep through the end of the world.”

“This is the beat of my heart.”

Emperor’s New Clothes-

“Finders keepers, losers weepers.”

“Dress me up, and watch me die.”

“It feels good, tastes good.”

“I’m taking back the crown.”

“I’m all dressed up and naked.”

“I see what’s mine and take it.”

“So close I can taste it.”

“I’m so much more than royal.”

“I’ll snatch your chain and mace your eyes.”

“Welcome to my world of fun.”

Don’t Threaten Me With a Good Time-

“It’s a hell of a feeling though.”

“Who are these people?”

“I just woke up in my underwear.”

“There’s no liquor left on the shelf.”

“I should probably introduce myself.”

“There’s no such thing as getting out of hand.”

“My memories tend to just pop up.”

“This night is heating up.”

“Let’s raise hell and turn it up!”

“Don’t threaten me with a good time.”

“I wish I could find my clothes…”

“I’m not as think as you drunk I am.”

“I’m a scholar and a gentleman.”

“I usually don’t fall when I try to stand.”

“I think we’ve had enough.”

Victorious-

“Tonight we are victorious.”

“All my friends, we’re glorious.”

“Let me be your killer king/queen,”

“It hurts until it stops.”

“We’ll love until it’s not.”

“You’re eyes are like broken Christmas lights.”

“My touch is black and poisonous.”

“I know you need it, do you feel it?”

“Drink the water.”

“Drink the wine.”

“Oh, we gotta turn up the crazy.”

“Keep going until we feel alright.”

“I taste like magic.”

LA Devotee-

“You got two black eyes from loving too hard.”

“You got a black car that matches your soul.”

“I wouldn’t change ya.”

“I wouldn’t ever try to make you leave.”

“You’re just another LA Devotee.”

“You got bleached out eyes from the valley sand.”

“You’re/ I’m always on the hunt for a little more time.”

“Let’s drink some white wine.”

I Write Sins Not Tragedies-

“I can’t help but hear an exchanging of words.”

“What a shame, the poor groom’s bride is a whore.”

“Haven’t you people ever heard of closing the Goddamn door?!”

“It’s much better to face these kinds with a sense of poise and rationality.”

“This calls for a toast.”

“Pour the champagne.”

Bohemian Rhapsody-

“Is this the real life?”

“Is this just fantasy?”

“Open your eyes.”

“I’m easy come, easy go.”

“Too late, my time’s come…”

“Life had just begun, but I’ve just gone and thrown it all away.”

“I didn’t mean to make you cry!”

“Carry on as if nothing even matters.”

“You just sent shivers down my spine.”

“I don’t wanna die.”

“I sometimes wish I’d never been born at all.”

“Will you let me go?”

“Oh, baby you can’t do this to me…”

“Nothing really matters.”

“Anyone can see. nothing really matters to me.”

Hallelujah- 

“All you sinners stand up, sing hallelujah!”

“If you can’t stop shaking, lean back let him move right through ya.”

“Say your prayers.”

“Who was I trying to be?”

“The time for being sad is over.”

“Being blue is better than being over it.”

“I was drunk and it didn’t mean a thing.”

“You’ll never know if you don’t try.”

“No one wants you when you have no heart.”

Miss Jackson-

“You put a sour flavor in my mouth.”

“We’re so lucky.”

“You have a face of Heaven catching lightning in your night gown.”

“Back away from the water, babe you might drown.”

“Goddamn.”

“But I love you anyway.”

“Miss ______, are you nasty?”

              “  WHY DO YOU ASSUME YOU’RE THE SMARTEST IN THE ROOM? “