Lost in the sexistential soulmatism

There are loves that don´t arrive like a fire. They arrive like a certainty.

They don´t make noise when they enter your life and yet somehow they change the temperature of everything around you. And suddenly, someone begins to feel dangerously like a place where everything makes sense.

That is the strange thing about soulmates. They are not always recognized because they are the same, but because for the first time someone looks directly at the most chaotic parts of you… and chooses to stay anyway.

Like Hudson and Connor.

That feeling of “I was waiting for you even before I knew you”. Of finding in another person a familiarity that makes no sense. As if the soul carried a memory of its own.

And then comes the longing.

Because when you connect with someone like that, distance no longer feels normal. Every absence weighs differently. Every message takes too long. Every small gesture becomes immense simply because it comes from that specific person.

Longing love is not only about missing someone. It is realizing that someone has started living permanently inside your thoughts.

It is seeing something beautiful and automatically thinking of him. It is wanting to tell him absolutely everything. It is feeling relief simply because he exists in the same world as you.

And maybe the most intimate thing about soulmates is not the intensity… but the calm hidden underneath it.

Because even in the middle of desire, chaos, unbearable urges to touch each other and choose each other over and over again, there is a quiet peace underneath it all saying:

“Oh… it was you”.

As if after so many failed attempts, so many incomplete connections, and so many places where they never quite fit… they had finally found someone in front of whom they could stop pretending.

And then love stops feeling like a search.

And starts feeling like coming home and PEACE.

Hudson listening to Crank with that slutty little waist and in that slutty little crop top

Get to my hotel and suck him off in the elevator

“I never want to come back here again. I fucking hate it here. And they all fucking hate me. I pay for everything. I make sure everyone has clothes they like. I make sure the food is perfect. That father is buried next to his parents, that the tomb is perfect. And the only fucking word I ever hear is: i want more Ilya, i need more Ilya. More, more, more, more, more. And I have nothing for these people. I give them everything.. but I feel fucking empty. They don't care, they look at me and see a bank. Or an enemy. Or I don't even know what. My brother, he always hated me. And I know why... but it kills me. And it kills me that he took care of my father and I didn't. But I couldn't. I wasn't here. I still paid for it all. And he will never forgive me. For any of it. For existing. And it means... I have no one now. Well not no one, I have Svetlana. She loves me, and I love her. But not like... fuck me. But not like I love you. That's the worst fucking part of all this is. That all I want is you. It's always you. I'm so in love with you and I don't know what to do about it.

Hudson kissed Connor on the cheek in both of these posts 🥹

Post #1

Post #2

BEFORE SUNRISE (1995) dir. Richard Linklater BEFORE SUNSET (2004) dir. Richard Linklater BEFORE MIDNIGHT (2013) dir. Richard Linklater