~chaos is the way~

She was everything he’d never realized he wanted in his future queen: not just beauty, but grace; not just grace, but strength; not just strength, but compassion. He’d heard her speak enough to know she was not only educated but intelligent, proud but not arrogant.

The creeping sensation of hopelessness crawled over me again. “Then, I will beg. If that’s what it takes. I will beg that you take me back.” “Beg all you like.” He let out a sardonic chuckle. “I’d quite like to see you on your knees.”

“Why did it take you so long to come see me?” I ask, keeping the emotion from my voice. He shrugs and laughs uncomfortably. “I was a mess. I thought I might have a better chance of you taking me back if my face weren’t all beat up.”

“But I’m desperate for you all the same. And though I will not have millennia to live, I want to give however many years I have left to you. Because I love you. I love the woman who saved me. And though she doesn’t need me, I want her. Fiercely. “All the time in the world is worth nothing if I don’t get to spend it with you.

“No gloves.” And he grabs my fingers with his, lacing them together. “You’ve suddenly become so much more demanding.” “And I think you love it,” he says, pulling me close, running his nose along my neck. Oh, but I do.

“I’m having your things moved in here,” he says. “Moved where? Into your room?”

“Promise me you won’t send me away because I’m the one making you mortal. Promise me you won’t change your mind later and decide I’m not enough for the price of mortality.” “I swear it, Alessandra. You’re not going anywhere. You’re mine.”

His eyes shoot back open then, and his arm swings about before it catches my gloved hand and brings it toward his mouth but stops before he makes contact. He looks down at my glove as though it offends him. Then he’s sliding the garment off. I hold perfectly still. “He kissed you. Here.” A leather-clad finger trails along my skin. “Yes, he did.” “I don’t want him doing that. I want to do that.” He lowers his lips, but I jerk back my hand violently before he can make contact. “You’re not allowed to do that until you’re sober,” I tell him. “Nonsense. Give that back!”

“My little hellion. Quite the force to be reckoned with, aren’t you? Oh, say you’ll marry me, Alessandra!”

I've been reading Quicksilver and if not for my ADHD and itsy bitsy attention span, I'd have devoured the entirety by now. I've been reading since the 30th of May pls 😭 Like what do you mean I love it so much but still can't get myself to focus for long enough to finish it all in one go? 😭✋🏻 But also like, I finished chapter 32 so yay for that! 🙌🏻

“You were right, Alessandra. Last night. All of those things you said. I’ve been afraid to truly live. Being with you outside of closely observed mealtimes makes me vulnerable. If someone learns my secret, if we were to accidentally touch—I could be killed. “But that’s no way to live. I may not be allowed to ever have someone physically close to me. But that doesn’t mean I can’t let you in. I … like you, and I hope that you could like me, too.” Something in me … softens. There’s something about looking on this dark, powerful man and hearing his hopes for us. It makes me want to make those hopes become real. Right before I end his life, of course.

“You are beautiful,” he continues. “But not so beautiful as to tempt me. You are everything I am looking for. You are perfect.” I don’t have words. So as not to have my jaw hanging down to the table, I put another bite of cake on my tongue. You are perfect, he’d said. Right after not so beautiful as to tempt me. I want to slap him. I want to kiss him. I want to throw the rest of my cake in his face as much as I want to finish off the delicious dessert.

“But—I’ve shared your bed,” he splutters. Yes, he and three other boys this month. “And now it’s time for you to leave it.” I move to rise from the bed when the door to my chambers bursts open.