I'm sorry @saphirosgarden - Tumblr Blog

A cemetery is a garden too

I've watered my garden for years♪

With rosewater and my own tears♪

I've planted seeds throughout the land♪

Cared for it under my own hand♪

Even eternal blooms will wilt♪

Their blood exacerbates my guilt♪

Caterpillars hunger for fresh♪

The worms have dug in my own flesh♪

Withered cocoons have no life left♪

Their forlorn frames adorn our clefts♪

The flowers cannot lie

I want to fucking die

I want to fucking die I want to fucking die

#i wrote this poem some time ago and i like it #i just want my blossoming garden but i think im coming to realise it doesn't exist #not how i wanted it #i didn't post it on main because i can't afford people knowing the truth #im weak #i cant do this #im sorry

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saphirosgarden

Hearing the old cunt doing things extra noisily just to showcase that he's mad is so freaking pathetic. God even knows wtf hes mad about again lol maybe the rice wasn't salted enough or someone didn't laugh at one of his shitty jokes.

I honestly hope he gets hit by a bus or smth

saphirosgarden

So it turns out the cause of great wrath was because someone ate his slice of omelette.

It was me lmaoo I didn't even freakin know it was his.

It's silly how like because I'm a very empathetic person I'm inclined to feel bad about it. But like... I mean kinda deserved lowkey ??? I just can't let myself feel bad about this, like how many times was he the one eating the last of smth that I wanted

Man... This is all so silly. Further proof he isn't really a dad, he's more like a giant toddler with a substance problem...

#i wish i could leave #im tired of always feeling unsafe #i wanna go home...

A big bear or a big dragon I like big dommy dragon men

Idk im not picky lol just needy ig

Hearing the old cunt doing things extra noisily just to showcase that he's mad is so freaking pathetic. God even knows wtf hes mad about again lol maybe the rice wasn't salted enough or someone didn't laugh at one of his shitty jokes.

I honestly hope he gets hit by a bus or smth

#i really wish I could stop thinking about this piece of shit man

Feeling needy lately...

#i wish i had a big bear

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saphirosgarden

I haven't slept yet :(

Im stoopid and got distracted sigh

saphirosgarden

The old cunt was in the bathroom

Doing whatever bullshit he does idgaf, using the tap on full blast ofc, it's loud I couldn't start my asmr so I had to wait

I love how when im doing my business in the bathroom it's "what are you doing in there ???? ur wasting water put down the plug you'll see how much you use blah blah blah"

It's not like I can have any fucking agency in this shit hole

But then he'll blast the water out all he wants like the piece of shit he is

I hope he dies soon

Im glad his health is horrible and he shits himself every morning and has constant migraines and coughs up a lung every morning and his wife and kids hate him and his mum sucks

It's all he deserves

#what am i rambling for again for christs sake #the man is scared of the toilet flush there is no argument to be made #hes pathetic anyways

I haven't slept yet :(

Im stoopid and got distracted sigh

It's calm again

I should sleep

Good night !! (Or morning ig) I hope I can have beautiful dreams

I know home will find me

Because everyone said that I deserved it and that I am great. So it must be true.

#i believe my friends #and i believe the sky #and the earth #they promised me too

saphirosgarden

Recently I watched an asmrtist that gave an advice I still think about.

It was : "you shouldn't worry because, if you have control over a situation then you have nothing to worry about, and if you have no control then you have nothing to worry about either, since it's out of your hands"

I think about it a lot.

I think it makes sense, and it helps me realise more of the control that I can have.

saphirosgarden

Unfortunately finding home is out of my control... I know I can only find it out of sheer dumb luck, and I know it'll happen when I don't even expect it (which is bullshit if u ask me)

But at least I can sit down and think about the efforts I can make that can help me find it

Yes, it's out of my hands, and I must accept it... But I can make certain efforts, which is nice to remember...

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Recently I watched an asmrtist that gave an advice I still think about.

It was : "you shouldn't worry because, if you have control over a situation then you have nothing to worry about, and if you have no control then you have nothing to worry about either, since it's out of your hands"

I think about it a lot.

I think it makes sense, and it helps me realise more of the control that I can have.

I wonder what kind of person I would be if I didn't live here

I'm kinda scared of him

I don't know what he'd be like

I don't know what I'd turn into and if it could be too far removed from everything I've known

...

But I guess I do want to meet him

I hope I can meet him soon...

Hopefully...

#someday

saphirosgarden

Does home even exist......

#it's the thing that really terrifies me the most #...

Does home even exist......

If I was a puzzle piece I'd be the one that's missing and will never find the rest of the puzzle

#i should write a poem about that

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sigh

Did my heart find peace again

Or how long will this last for now

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