on frail wings of vanity and wax

do u ever accidentally follow a fake of one of ur friends and u have no idea how it even happened !!! like !!!! wh ?????? ive been mutuals w both people fr a while and i never even noticed ??? screams what do i do

the only people who pay attention to me anymore are my ex and her bf im gnna die

see i think i got myself into this fucking mess . i hate leaving things on a bad note and let me tell you , we did not end on a good note at all . we had a mutual friend, vivi, who's no longer on tumblr and actually got us talking to each other again after i expressed to it that i felt bad about everything that happened . anyway we talked for a bit and decided to go for a drive which was cool , we got some neato pictures of the sunset and nothing rly happened except fr talking n driving . we talked some more n i became Super Suicidal (not her fault or anything , my mental health jst declined) n i made some posts about suicidal ideation and plans n stuff . that afternoon i got an anon telling me that she was going to try to kill herself and of course being me !!!!! i dropped everything and made her go fr another drive w me . again nothing happened but the next day i got really close to attempting suicide n i stayed the night at my friend's house because she was scared i was going to go back n finish my attempt and yea . the next day my friend's house became super busy and i was running out of options bc i didnt trust myself either but i couldnt stand being ignored so when she offered to let me stay the night i jumped on it and . she kissed me a lot tht night and it felt . almost safe and warm but i i dont know if i should let her back in this easily because of everything that happened i dont know what to do and i feel . bad because ive been keeping this all secret and i ?? i just dont know what to say anymore or what to do .. anyway sorry for the wall of text i just needed to get this of my cHest

ive started to fall for my ex again and i dont know what to do skcusbdkd

anyway i should. go home before i make everyone hate me even more

i found my knife while i was cleaning m room a bit today n its th only good thing thts happened to me this afternoon

honestly m jst numb n i want someone to sit with me i hate how empty this house feels where is everyone

why did she kiss me why did she touch me n most importantly why did i let her i dnt even like her i fucking hate her i didnt say yes but i didnt say no i said nothing what do i do im going to die im going to kms why. i i fuckingn nn n whwhess haajleee

im not kidding this time if i havent calmed down by the time halee shows up im going o drive into the missouri river

m sitting at halee's to try b calm mself down but idk where she is i

anyway m gnna kms bc im a Good For Nothing Piece Of Shit lol

im so fckin gay i

im rly excited n i kiiiiiiiiiiiinda wnna ask her out but idk !!! idk isjfksmdd

anyway i pissed my mom off because m having a Bad Mental Health Day(tm)

[forgets to take pill bc i fell asleep] "well MAYBE you wouldnt be so crabby if you took your pill once in a while !" i forgot ONE DAY fucking god damn it

no 1 cares abt me i might as well kms honestly im fucking ?? worthless ???? god damn it