ellemajmai

I’m trying to be mature about everything but like wtf

Everyday my anxiety fucks me up, having kids definitely made it so much worse. Then having a kid with sickle cell just fucks me up even more. He’s so delicate, and I’m learningggg but I can’t be there all the time if I want to give him a better life and that gives me anxiety too. Because what if something happens and I’m like an hour away at school, and I can’t get to him quick enough and nobody can comfort him like I can. Then I have two other kids who need my attention just as much as him. What if I’m not giving them enough love, enough care, enough of my time. I’m sad everyday, mad everyday. I don’t know how to feel better without having a drink and even then, I get anxious because I don’t want to get to drink that I can’t take care of my kids. I can’t enjoy life, I want to but I can’t. Don’t get me wrong having my kids was the most amazing and wonderful thing I have done and don’t regret them for one minute, I just wonder if they would be happy with someone other than me. If I gave up, would they live better, laugh more, do more things?

I want friends that I can speak life into and vice versa

Anybody been watching the sandman on Netflix? Let’s discuss

Anybody wanna have like a regular conversation? lol

What even is sex anymore, lmfao it’s been like a yeaaaarrrr and some change.

love when people tell me they’re proud of me cause shit sometimes idk if what I’m doing even fucking matters.

I feel like every time something bad happens to me, I’m the one trying to reconcile or fix it. I’m tired of being the one to put shit back together.

I deserve a dinner date & some peace and quiet. This week has been tiring.