...etc.

During meal:

This smells terrible, but tastes good. Maybe when I become a mom, my food just automatically starts to taste good. You know, because I would make food through my breasts, so the food I make with my hands has to improve, right?

Almost finished with meal:

Hmm. That residue sure didn't taste like what I thought it would. It kind of tastes like soap and vomit. This is why I need a dishwasher.

10 minutes post meal:

Wow. I have never felt this feeling before. Am I going to throw up or pass out? I feel like I usually know. 

20 minutes post meal:

Okay, so neither happened, but do not cook that again. Also, the aftertaste is very odd. Perhaps like a reptile with hints of dairy. Is that normal? Is this what home cooking tastes like?

30 minutes post meal: 

WASH THE TUPPERWARE. The smell alone is making me woozy. Oi. Maybe this is always what home cooked food smells like, but I was too busy making my escape from dish duty to realize.

60 minutes post meal:

but I have actually been rather busy. I guess I haven’t, but sleeping during the day makes days go by so much quicker. What a stupid sentence. Of course it does. Because you’re sleeping during them.

I haven’t slept nine hours straight in so long, though. I still have not adjusted to sleeping during the days, despite doing it for eight months. I miss sleeping at night, and it’s a bummer I only get to do it two days a week. Don’t take that for granted. It’s real nice.

I have officially gone nine days without alcohol, which is the longest I have done in four years. I went to an open mic, did a comedy show and went to a birthday party. These are all high anxiety situations in which I would have felt it necessary to drink because I find myself inherently uninteresting. The first days I didn’t drink, I felt very euphoric, which is not how quitting drinking had been described to me.  Granted, I was never a full-blown, dad’s getting fired from the plant alcoholic, but I looked forward to drinking every day. And I had many conversations with myself in which I fully admitted I couldn’t give it up. Once you do something you convinced yourself you could not, it feels pretty cool. Also, in my limited personal experience of nine days sobriety, I am very similar to how I am when drunk, except I’m not making out with people I don’t normally want to. I had convinced myself I was so much funnier and braver when drinking, but it’s all there anyway. You get it. This is nothing you haven’t heard before, but it’s something I have to write for my own sake as a reminder.

A while back, I was saying something like “I said this thing I always wanted to say to someone. I was so glad I was drunk because I did it with such confidence. I was so commanding,” and my friend said “You could have done that sober.” I was incredibly convinced I could have never done that sober at that time, but I probably could have. With more finesse and less “Hold on, I might vomit.” I was so so ill, but I never threw up. I just kept talking. Ugh. Sometimes I wish I just vomited and passed out.

I have never accomplished a long-term goal. I mostly am just like “I’m going to get my oil changed today!” And then I go and get my oil changed. It feels cool to make a huge change, even if it’s just for 30 days. 

At the beginning of my saga, I considered quitting drinking for good. It’s still on the table, I guess. If I don’t want to, am I not ready to start drinking again? I don’t know. Paradoxes, man.

Accomplishments as of late: cooking my lunches for work, watched Thelma & Louise, started using Duolingo to learn Spanish, only ate half of the Burger King fries I bought, re-upped my gym membership. Have yet to go.

Quit drinking, guys. All your dreams will come true. 

But, really, it has felt very nice. I miss the taste of beer, tho. I also miss having go-to plans. Now I have to fashion plans out of events and coffee. Doug Stanhope has a bit about how drinking basically creates a good time. I get that. Miss it. 

I also find that I'm eating more because I feel like I deserve it. So, that sucks and I need to cut that out. However, I am sleeping better and feel less tired overall, which is helpful when you're only sleeping six hours or so. My short-term memory seems better, but maybe I'm trying that "Whatever whatever I've never been better" approach that I employ when I break up/get broken up with. 

I shouldn't have to explain why I'm quitting, but I will anyway.

It's not even a "had" situation; it's a desire. I would be elated to do that for the rest of my life. There is nothing I have ever felt this much passion for or from which I have derived this much satisfaction. It's therapeutic, powerful and beautiful. It's the whole package. If writing was not such a philanderer, I would propose tomorrow.

However, I often struggle with what to write. I have honestly mulled over this blog's subject matter painfully for longer than I would like to admit. I knew blogs were the "it" thing to do these days and it was a shame that I was not capitalizing on it, since I knew how to use the internet and how to write. That makes me a writer these days. I write standup, but I needed another venue because I do a lot of dumb things and have a lot of less dumb opinions.

I have a few complaints.