sam/dean/a goddamn break

dean gets sam back in his life and he can’t be normal about it. it’s nothing so sappy or obvious as a declaration of love or a searing kiss - just his eyes lingering too long when his little brother gets out of the shower with just a towel wrapped around his waist, or laughing a little too loud when someone assumes they’re together. it’s the longing in his eyes that he can’t seem to hide anymore and how eager he is to show off the hunting skills he’s gained over the four years sam’s been gone.

but that’s the thing - sam’s been gone. he’s been with normal people. he understands now that the things dean’s been doing over the years aren’t fucking normal. he knows what it is now. he knows that it’s wrong and immoral and he can’t be more of a monster than he already is. he doesn’t even entertain the idea that he could feel the same because obviously he can’t. doesn’t - obviously he doesn’t. so once it starts getting really bad, he insists they sleep in separate rooms on a hunt in oklahoma. dean tries to joke and say that’s stupid and a waste of money, but sam gives him this firm you know why i’m doing this look and dean shrinks away.

they finish that hunt as quickly as possible. dean’s on edge the whole time - wanting to draw closer to sam during the day because not seeing sam in their room at night is driving him insane. it makes his skin itch with worry in a way it didn’t while sam was away - because they’re on a case now. there’s something that actively kills people here and he’s been thinking with his dick instead of trying to keep his brother, the most important person in his world, safe. he decides he has to stop it right then and there. things are awkward for a while after that - but dean gets it. it’s never going to happen.

and then sam dies. and dean makes a deal.

and sam realizes that in a singular year his brother is going to be dead and gone and maybe caring about what’s normal and right and good isn’t all it’s cracked up to be. maybe he should listen to that clawing, guilty hole in his heart that’s been screaming at him that he’s felt the same way this whole time.

but when he finally acts on it - when he grips tight at the lapels on that stupid fucking leather jacket and crashes into dean’s lips for something that’s more of a smashing of faces than a kiss - dean shoves him away. dean looks like a deer in headlights, eyes wide and frightened and shaking his head firmly. “no.” he says, trying not to let his voice wobble. “just - don’t.”

because he can’t do this. not now. not ever. not when he knows it’s gonna be ripped right out from under him anyway. not when he knows it’s just his little brother’s pity for his inevitable death. not when it was so abundantly clear before that sam thought he was a fucking freak for wanting him. he’s not gonna do that to him. not going to taint him with it and then leave sam to pick up the pieces after he’s gone. not worry after each kiss if it’s real or if sam washes his mouth out with soap after it’s done.

You know what's at the top of my mind today? Sadomasochism. So I'm going to ask about that here. Let me know your thoughts about sadomasochism in wincest.

And please note, the question is not "in wincest, who do you think is the sadist and who is the masochist?" because that's not the only way these things go. You're also welcome to think that neither of them are into it at all. That's a valid answer that isn't a cop-out or a non-answer, but a legitimate interpretation of the characters. Maybe only one is one of those things. Maybe you think they're both sadists or both masochists. Maybe one or both are switches. Or, of course, you can think that they're a traditional sadist/masochist pair. My point is, I don't want you to think this is a binary question or you have to give traditional/binary answers. Creativity is encouraged.

-@schizosamwincester

Oh boy, an opportunity to share one of my more nuanced and likely controversial opinions: I think Dean genuinely, sadistically enjoyed torturing souls in Hell AND I don't think he's a bad person for it

I think it's a very human thing to find a vicious sense of catharsis in hurting others and I think that's what Dean experienced, not just relief from his own torture, although I'm sure that's why he initially did it. Sadistic catharsis being normal doesn't make it okay to hurt others without consent, of course, but acting on it in very traumatic extenuating circumstances doesn't make him a bad person

I don't think he's sadistic with humans, and while he does enjoy fighting and killing monsters, I figure it's more about the physicality of using his body to accomplish something (see: his cheerful lawn mowing in the djinn dream and being a builder I'm pretty sure at the beginning of s6)

I absolutely don't think he's a sexual sadist and I'd wager that even pre-Hell he would really struggle to accommodate a partner who wanted him to hurt them. He might be able to stomach playfully spanking someone during roleplay but otherwise nah

I do think he's mildly sexually masochistic due to the "slapped in the face by a woman wearing a zorro mask" comment 😆 I think he's pretty subby and would like a lot of things if they were framed as putting him in his place. I think he'd get charmingly wiggly and tingly as the bottom in wax play 👀

I don't think Sam is a sadist or masochist. I do think he's Dom-y as hell and would have an easier time not-playfully hurting a masochist for kink/sex purposes than Dean would once he's sure it's wanted. I think he'd still angst about being able to do it meaning he's evil

Dean has a completely reasonable panic response but Sam's expression is... resigned. it's very "we told him to stay out of the light"

Dean stares at Ron's body, frozen backed into a corner, until Sam takes cover next to him. Sam sighs and says "take care of the guard, I'm going after the shifter"

Sam runs past Ron's body without even looking at it because it's not safe for him to and he has NO instinct to endanger himself and everyone else when there isn't even a person in that body anymore

as a crazy insane meggirl in the year of our lord 2026 i have some things to say.

😭😭😭

Gonna go think about baby Dean and his big leather jacket again. He wants everyone to think he's tough and has it all under control. He's scared and alone and wants to be seen and loved. Love of my life, Dean Winchester.