scraps of poetry and madness

i danced along the whimsical melody of madness,

as i teeter on the edge of my own sanity

with every beat of the drum.

unknowingly letting go of any rational thought,

unconsciously breaking the chains that once imprisoned me of who i should be,

and i can't grasp my identity anymore.

i can't find any meaning

as to why i exist,

as to how i should live.

this world played songs

i never once heard of.

this world kept on urging me

to dance to every beat.

to be wild and fervent,

to be free and irrational,

to mask my sadness and play along with this world

full of people who don't know who they are.

and so i did.

i put on a mask

and the mask can't be ripped out of my face.

i never knew who i am

i never knew how sadness felt.

i never knew what madness meant.

but ever since i danced

to the beat,

and the devil came along

to dance with me,

that's when i knew

how to break the chains

that's when i knew

what madness meant

so this is what it means

to be swallowed by the unknown,

to be free of any rational thought,

I know I’m such a stubborn little sinner

I always find ways to hurt you even without noticing.

I always blame myself for everything.

I always think that I don’t deserve You.

But I need you.

I really need you.

I am the type of person who never tightens the grip of my hand whenever I hold something. Maybe because it’s easier that way. I let go of things easily. I always let things slip through my grasp and I won’t even try to chase it. I won’t even try to fight for it. Because it’s easier that way. It’s less painful that way. I know nothing lasts forever. Nothing stays forever. That’s the reason why I never hesitate to let everything pass through me. I won’t try to stop someone when he tries to leave me.

Maybe that’s the problem. I’m not strong enough to hold onto things. I’m not strong enough to hold onto promises. I’m not strong enough to lace my fingers with his in fear of being addicted to his warmth.

And maybe that’s why he became exhausted of me.

I do not know how to cling onto people, and maybe that’s why he thought I didn’t want his love.

But I do. I really do.

I just couldn’t bear the idea of losing him the moment I cling onto his promises and sweet-coated words.

But I expected for you to stay.

Why did you leave?

Why did you leave without saying goodbye?

We could gave had our proper farewell.

You could have told me you'll leave.

I wasn't prepared for this.

We could have been something.

But you gave up.

I, on the other hand, was a coward. I could only express how I feel for you in a sheet of paper and disguise you with words.

This is how it should be, isn't it?