Are we out of the woods yet?

What do you mean you’re not interesting, I doubt that’s even remotely true. You are interesting in your own way and if people cant see that then they are boring people. I would love to come. Oh come on Sam, you are model material, I could totally see you walking the red carpet or the runway even as a model. 

Oh no, I was just saying that my dancing rehearsals are hardly enough interesting or fun for someone to actually want to watch them, but thank you. That’s so sweet of you to say! Well, you name it when you have some time and then you can come with me, we can go and eat something afterwards. Well, aren’t models supposed to be really tall though? 

Obviously. It’s a masters degree, the work is a million times harder. I like a challenge, though. It wouldn’t matter to me either way, since the actual degree at the end of it is what counts. As long as I get that, I’m good. That all sounds like way more work than I’d be willing to put in, so more power to you for caring enough to do it, I guess. It’s not always about the gossip, it’s about enjoying what you do. If you could only dance with a company you didn’t fully support, but knew you wouldn’t be physically harming anybody with it, and you’d get the recognition you deserve, I guarantee you would take it. You seem boring. Is that one solid reason enough for you?

So, you wouldn’t mind if you actually got to learn something new with it or not? I’m aware that having the degree is what counts for the resume, but what does truly count for you? Well, it is a lot of work, that’s why you have to love it to dedicate your life to it. I doubt it will make any sense to you, but once your finally performing, every single tiny effort you put into it feels worth the try. Yeah but, spreading stuff about people when it’s not even true? You’re playing with someone else’s private life when doing that, and that’s not fair. Or nice, for that matter. You might not hurt someone physically, but it definitely hurts to read something like that in a way or another. Oh... Honestly? It seems more like you’re just very good at judging people, which is sad.

MATTHEW: What? Be fucking mad about how she broke my heart and now its in million of pieces? I can't be mad at how much of a mess I am right now? I would've stood by her side and accepted it. That's what I would've done, I would have loved that child like it was my own and not just abandoned her like that. I would've been supportive of her decision to have the birth father to be in our lives, I would've wanted to be apart of that life. I would've trusted her with the baby's father and I would've trusted her. I would have not just have said, Im choosing you and then turned around and point blank said that I need to be selfish because I need to love myself more.

MATTHEW: That's what I have done because I fucking love her and I know how scary it is to have a baby. THAT'S what I have done in her shoes, not fucking make her believe that I will be by her stayed and then turned around and took a hammer to her heart.

MATTHEW: Its better than fucking living and being a deadbeat dad Sam. Along with the fact that, Quinn and I hooked up before Orion and I gotten together. And the fact that Im choosing to be in her life and the baby's life, says something about growing up. Than flaking like most of the birth fathers. That's the truth Sammy.

MATTHEW: Yeah, well its starting to feel real now.

MATTHEW: Its going to have great everyone.

[a beat}

MATTHEW: Im sorry, okay. Im sorry I fucked everything up with Orion, and everyone. It just hurts to know that someone would say something and then the next, leave.

SAM: I'm not saying you can't be mad, I'm just trying for you to understand that asking for someone -who has nothing to do with it- to deal with all of this from one second to another is hard, and maybe she's just as scared as you are and she ended up freaking out. This isn't her responsibility to take charge of, but I doubt walking away from you was easier than to try to deal with any of this, just as much as I doubt she ever wanted to truly hurt you. I'm not Orion so I don't know why she did what she did or why she wouldn't do what you needed for her to do, Matt.

SAM: Hey, don't get me wrong! I know you're doing the right thing here by deciding to become this baby's dad. All I meant is that only you got yourself in that position Matty, so you shouldn't be mad at someone else for that.

Of course, Samantha. I’m fine, no worries. Just missing someone.

Oh. And does this person know that you’re feeling this way? Is nice when you let others know that they are missed, especially if this someone is important to you.

MATTHEW: I dunno his name, but its whatever. She's single, she can make out who she wants and do whatever she needs to do.

MATTHEW: Give her the benefit of the doubt when she's the one who BROKE up with me and told me that she needs to love herself more?? Im sure she would be pissed off if I was talking to some girl about making out with her. When I haven't even fall back into my old self because I have to grow up faster than anyone and don't have to make out with someone. Whatever, it was only the one interaction and Im fine.

MATTHEW: Thank you Sam.

MATTHEW: Get more stressed with this and strange.

MATTHEW: I think so, I dunno. Its nine and I've been through a lot the past two weeks. Im going through the motions but it might be real when I hear the heartbeat.

SAM: Hey, don't be like that! What if it was the other way around? What would you have done if she was the one pregnant with someone else's baby? Have you ever thought on that?

SAM: As far as I'm concerned, it was this guy who said something out of line. You can't even know if Orion approves it or if this guy was joking around, which I hope he was since saying something like that in social media is kind of rude in a way.

SAM: Also, the growing up faster part you can only blame to yourself. I'm sorry if it sounds mean, but it's the true Matty.

SAM: Yeah, I guess it's always after the first ultrasound that things become real.

MATTHEW: I know, but Im sure that won't last because what's his face just said that by the end of the night him and Orion would be making out. I might be stalking while Im not supposed to be on social media.

MATTHEW: Don't be happy for me yet, yeah its been a week but still. Its hard.

MATTHEW: Okay.

MATTHEW: Yeah, it doesnt help that she hasnt been involved because of dad.

MATTHEW: No, that's not what I mean. I shouldnt be still in shock that Im going to be a dad. Its bad enough that Ryker hadnt texted me back yet. But I feel like something is blocking and I don't fucking know what it might be and its driving me crazy.

MATTHEW: It hasn't set in yet or something, but its going to be two weeks that Ive known and I should be used to the idea of being a dad.

SAM: "What's his face"..?

SAM: ...hang on, she's already dating???? Oh, Matty :( [unsent]

SAM: NO! Don't do that to yourself! I know that doesn't sound any good, but social media hides the entire truth. We don't know what that guy could be talking about and if you really love Orion, well you should give her the benefit of the doubt. So please, don't torture yourself by stalking someone else's social media interactions, you deserve better than that.

SAM: But I am happy, Matt. I know how hard this gets to be, and to know that you're trying your best is what makes me happy. Happy AND proud.

SAM: Screw dad, /we/ need to be the ones involving her now.

SAM: Funny, I haven't heard about Ryker much these days either... Don't overthink it too much, you're only going to get stressed with this.

Unless someone in the future told me that coming back to the this time was important, I think it would be fun to go live in a futuristic time period.

So you don’t think you’d regret going? That you wouldn’t miss any of your friends or your life here?

Yep. It’s not exactly new to me, but I guess it’s fun to get back into the whole school thing after a little time out. I’ve always been a little envious of Dance majors, since I figure you have to have a hell of a lot of stamina to keep up with what are essentially endless workouts. How is it? Yeah, it’s an old company. The magazine has been running forever. The website is obviously newer. No reason.

True, but I bet it means you have a different dynamic with this new classes. Or at least I hope that’s how it works, it would be terrible to come back just to get the same type of classes you already passed. Uh yeah, I mean it can be tiring at one point, especially when you go through very long practices. But we are also very used to it, most of us had our first classes when we were kids. With the right balance and a good diet you shouldn’t have much of a problem with keeping up. I guess the worst part is when you don’t get the right steps and stress out in the progress, because then you sort of hate what you’re doing and you obviously can’t dance if you hate it, it messes out the entire thing you’ve been working on the entire semester. And you’d think PSU students would do anything to avoid gossip, how ironic. You sure? It seemed like you had at least one solid reason to say so.

DAXTON: Just some ex drama.

DAXTON: Sorry, I guess I'm constantly on edge.

SAM: Does this mean you got injured? I'm starting to worry here..

samanthajhuds :

Alright Sam, I mean I always call you Sam, no idea why I stopped. I’m not mad at you, you should know that. I would love to go to your rehearsal, why wouldn’t I? What do you mean? Are people mad then? People should notice you, why wouldn’t they? Not true, they are admiring how beautiful you are more like. 

It’s okay, I know you’re not but it felt a bit weird. I don’t know, I guess for me there’s just nothing interesting coming from them. It’s like my time to work out where I only try my best to nail a few steps I’ve been messing around, so it’s hard to believe someone would want to see that instead of the final product. You can totally come if you want though. I-I don’t know...? Maybe I’m the one not noticing? I’m really bad at this topic, Dee. I’m not model material either, so there’s that.

MATTHEW: I know I can't Sam and I'm not going to force her to be with me. I'm not that kind of guy or person.

MATTHEW: I wont, I promise and thank you, it's been hard but I'm sober.

MATTHEW: Of course, I'm not stupid or anything like that. I know better than ruin a family.

MATTHEW: I finally did and she was mad at first, then she was happy that I'm getting help. She's also kind of happy that I'm getting my life together.

MATTHEW: I've been trying to do that, but no matter what. My mind is still wrapping around the idea of having a child but it's just I think it's blocking something out and I don't know what exactly it is.

SAM: I know, I wasn't saying you were. All I'm saying is that relationships are supposed to work 50/50, and it wouldn't be fair or nice if only one part is trying to make it work.

SAM: It's supposed to be, important things are always hard. Once you see the progress you'll feel so much better though, and I'm so happy for you!!

SAM: That's why I know you wouldn't do it, so don't worry okay? You've got this.

SAM: Knowing mom she's only worried. And you can't blame her, she only wants what's best for you. I'm glad you told her though, mom has the best advice for everything and I know that she loves to feel included.

That’s what I’m here for~ 

I completely agree with that! At least around PSU, I’ll make sure our voices are heard. We can’t afford to be silent for too long, given the nation’s current predicament. I’m so glad people around here agree with the fact that we can’t just do this every once in a while – this needs to be something constant. 

Absolutely, it wouldn’t make sense if we weren’t constant with such an important topic. Are you planning something for this though? If you need support I’d love to help you around with whatever I can.

I will make you  cheat cheat of all the things to know, so it makes it easier to understand– promise!

You’d really do that for me? That would be awesome! Though knowing me, just by seeing you do your thing I’ll be cheering you as loud as I can. Do I need to apologize in advance for embarrassing you?

Your talking to Artie Abrams here.  All Food is Good food.  But yeh the buffet was exquisite. 

Why wouldn’t I want that?  I love spending time with one of my favourite girls.  Hey don’t worry mid terms and life suck ,  Social life will return to normal at some point i’m sure.  

Well, you might have a point there. It would’ve been so funny if you actually ate a buffet that Gordon Ramsey put together. That would mean your stomach has been blessed or something.

But I’m saying I probably won’t come back to the present, I’ll just stay in the future Sam.

You wouldn’t come back? But w-why?

I guess you’re right about that one there Samantha, I mean being happy is the most important thing. I would love to do all that and of course I would love to go. No I doubt it, honestly I doubt it. I mean yeah my talent is amazing but I am sure they will be more jealous of how you look then my talent. 

Of course I am, and you know you can just call me Sam right? It makes me feel like you’re mad at me if not. So you want to go to a rehearsal as well? You guys are overrating my practices, really.  Not true, no one notices me that much. And if they glance at me because of your work, well they’re definitely admiring your talent, not me.