Beautiful Ass

By Brandon Alter

NEW MOON IN CAPRICORN

Hold on to your hats and your glasses, babies, because 2019 has begun and it’s full steam ahead. Mars, the planet that rules our vitality, has just entered into his favorite sign, Aries. This is great news for all of us because it means there is great momentum pushing our ambitions forward. But before those plans can set sail we have to dream them up. Which is exactly where Saturday’s New Moon can assist us.

The Capricorn new moon is the perfect time to initiate new structures and set new goals. It’s a time for making business plans and blueprints. Capricorn is an Earth moon, and it’s as serious as a lip sync for your life. Capricorn is the empress of Wall Street, the queen of the boardroom. She is all business, honey. No more dancing around your purpose. No more second guessing your destiny. Sit down this weekend and ask yourself: What are my real aspirations and goals? And then get as specific as you can. What are the bones of your biggest dream? Make an outline. Bullet points. Plan of attack. This is that sort of moon. Capricorns are nothing if not strategic and ambitious. So step into your ambition and then start to develop the strategy that will get you there.

What we need to remember about Capricorn is that she isn’t just in it for herself. The structures she builds are for all of us. She is a cosmic babe, working for the universe so everyone can benefit from her tireless and disciplined labors. When meditating on your dreams under the dark sky of the New Moon, remember this: If your dream only involves you, you are not dreaming big enough.

I would encourage you to think of your dreams like seeds. These seeds will root downward and then grow upwards but first they must be planted. A ritual to help yourself along with this would be to literally write down what your dreams are, like on a piece of paper. And then jot down how you plan to tend to these dreams. Take your time.

Next, go outside and bury that piece of paper in the ground. Ask the Earth to nurture these dreams, ask the moon to illuminate them. You may feel a little silly at first but that’s how it is with any new practice. I felt foolish as hell the first time I tried drag, now I’m drop dead gorgeous. So give yourself permission to try something new and take your life’s work seriously by exploring a New Moon in Earth ritual. There’s not a right or wrong way to do this. You can get a little group together or do it solo. The important thing is that you feel it. You’re totally allowed to improvise. Maybe you’ll even channel a dance or a song to offer energy to the seedling. Feel free to reach out to me with questions about this. But the simplest way to think about ritual work is that it’s a spiritual play you are putting on for yourself. So long as your heart is invested and your intentions are clear, you will be successful!

If you’re looking for even more assistance in getting clear about the road ahead, I want to let you know about a special I have going for the rest of the moonth. The Year Ahead Spread is my favorite Tarot tool. It alerts you to the invitations and opportunities most available to you as the year unfolds. I pull 13 cards, one for each moonth of the year and a 13th card to represent your unique the for 2019. This fifty minute reading can be done in person or remotely and it’s a map for your life you will refer to all year.

Also, if you’ve been feeling called to learn more about the Tarot herself, I’m teaching my three week seminar in the art of Tarot reading and wine tasting called Tarot + Vino. This is happening in Los Angeles on three consecutive Thursday nights, starting January 24th. These three classes will give you everything you need to begin to connect with your intuition and confidently read cards for yourself and others. It’s taking place at Spoonfed Kitchen and Bakeshop in Hollywood. Every class will come with wine pairings and snacks and each student will receive their own copy of the Wild Unknown Tarot deck. Find more information about the class here. The early bird special has passed but since we’re family, use the code HEYGURL and save $50 on tuition.

COLLECTIVE CARD FOR THE MOONTH:

The World

The COLLECTIVE CARD for this month is The World. I mean, this is one of those times when the power of Tarot just slaps me across the face. This is the very last card of the Major Arcana and it speaks to sacred endings and beginnings. Could there be a more perfect card for the start of a new year?

Essentially the message is this: 2018 is over, babe. Let it go. You tried. You grew. You learned. You failed. Now allow the new chapter to be written. Consider that your slate has been cleared, your debts repaid. The World doesn’t want you to dwell on the past, it wants you to cycle anew. Above all, forgive yourself. We all make mistakes, that’s the only way we learn. The truth is we don’t learn from success, it just feels nice. We learn from the fuckups. Dust yourself off. Buy a new outfit and get ready to write yourself a brand new story. The whole wide World is waiting to embrace you if only you could let your old shit go, once and for all.

Below are Tarotscopes for your individual sign. Read for your Sun Sign and if you know your Rising Sign you can go ahead and read that too! When pulling your cards for this cycle I asked that they not only resonate for this next moonth but for your whole year ahead. Use your sign’s card as an oar to row you through the year. You’re not bound to it; so if you don’t like it, get rid of it, gurl. But hopefully these messages inspire you to stop sitting around and start setting your life on fire.

CAPRICORN

Nine of Chalices

Nines in the Tarot are graduations. They denote a period of maturation and leveling up. Chalices are ruled by the element of water and speak to the things in our lives that flow, ie. your emotions, relationships, creativity and intuition. This card speaks to the satisfaction that comes from tending to your own inner desires. The Nine of Chalices demands that we serve ourselves first at the banquet of the heart. Basically, it doesn’t matter if others laugh at your jokes, so long as you find yourself hilarious.

This moonth and (truly) this whole year, should be spent observing the practices that bring you the most profound joy. That’s why the old school Tarotists called this the Wish Card. Because the feeling of a wish coming true is exactly the feeling of nurturing your own inner life. And the Nine of Chalices wants you to start there. Even for a practical and ambitious Seagoat like yourself, if your business isn’t built on something you love, it will never fully satisfy you— no matter how much money you make from it.

When looking at this card we see a person taking in the view. Nine goblets dance before them. But I bet you anyone walking by wouldn’t see this vision. Because these cups are in the mind of the viewer. This is the secret joy that comes from deep relationship with one’s own self. Yes, they are sitting by themselves, but if you enjoy your own company, you are truly never alone. Be your own best friend, Capricorn, and you will receive the abundant fulfillment the Nine of Chalices bestows.

***Schedule your own reading or healing with Brandon here and follow him on Instagram @thebrandonalter and on Twitter @thebrandonalter.***

AQUARIUS

The Magician

The Magician is just that, the gateway for magic. As the water bearer you have some familiarity at being a channel for information. But the Magician doesn’t just allow facts and figures to flow through them. The Magician knows how to be a channel for Energy. The Magician knows how to let forces far larger than themselves pour out from their hands and lips and hearts. This moonth and this year, if you accept the invitation, is about allowing magic back into your life.

When I speak of magic I don’t mean spells and hexes (which is not to imply I don’t believe in all that, because honey children, I totally do). I mean the magic of being alive, of synchronicity and creativity. The magic of being in the right place at the right time. The magic of having a dream and then working to allow it to come true. How dreams come true isn’t up to us, that’s up to the larger cosmic forces. Our job is to have a clear intention of the dream and then work like hell to bring it into being.

As brilliant channel and Tarotist, Harriet and the Star says, Magic is finding yourself at the center of two forces and allowing yourself to dissolve completely. Can you dissolve into the forces around you? You see, when we surrender our attachment to how things are supposed to happen, we actually allow them to manifest. Take this next moonth, Hell, take this next year and start to relate to yourself as a massive conductor of energy. You are the Magician of your own life and once you become adept at that, you can be the vessel that brings magic to others.

***Schedule your own reading or healing with Brandon here and follow him on Instagram @thebrandonalter and on Twitter @thebrandonalter.***

PISCES

Two of Swords Rx

The Two of Swords is the meditation card, dreamy Pisces. It’s invitation is to seek out stillness and contemplate the right action tot ake. It’s not about the literal taking of action. As the card that has presented itself to help you make the most of this year, it would be wise to double down on your meditation practice or if you don’t have one, sweet baby, you better start. It’s not that meditation makes everything better or cures all ills. But what it does provide is the peace to experience Truth, with a capital T, henny. When you know the truth you can move forwards accordingly.

When we look at the art for this card, we see a youth gazing at two swords. Swords speak to the mental realm, particularly the stories we tell ourselves. Stories about who we are (aka our identity) and stories about our place in the universe (ie. our purpose). Often times our struggles come from having chosen an ineffective story. This card presents you with time and space to rewrite the stories of your life. The swords being contemplated here are the old story of your life versus the new one just being written.

So what is the new story of your life? You just need one, one sharp sword, one good story to carry you forwards. Often times, when this card shows up in a reading, I tell the client that this card comes with homework. The homework is to write down all the old stories. Stories like: I don’t have enough time. Stories like: Nothing ever works out for me. Once you see them it’s easier to relieve yourself of them. And then you have to write down the new stories. Stories you’re willing to agree to. Stories like: I have a unique purpose on the planet and I will fulfill it. Or a story like: Love is my birthright and I will receive it. Have fun with this. One good story won’t just change your life, it IS your life.

***Schedule your own reading or healing with Brandon here and follow him on Instagram @thebrandonalter and on Twitter @thebrandonalter.***

ARIES

King of Chalices

I relate to the King of Chalices as the Healer card of the deck. This is the figure who is an expert at holding space for others. And this year, or at least this month, that figure is you! The dirty little secret about healing work is that healers don’t really heal people, what they do is reconnect that person to their own innate power to heal themselves. They serve as the safe container in which a person can face themselves fully and see where they are still deeply wounded. But that doesn’t mean you are being called to be a full time Healer. What this card signifies is that you are a master of your emotions and now you can help others do the same.

Actors are Kings of Chalices. Writers too. Artists and storytellers, creatives of all kinds are Kings of Chalices because they allow the emotional truth of their characters or subjects to flow through them. That is the essence of this card: making yourself available to the pain of others so that it can be acknowledge and ultimately released.

When presented with this supreme card we are invited to embody the pain of being alive and the beauty at the same time. Everyone has had a Father of Chalices moment in their life, when crying at weddings or laughing at funerals or even appreciating the miracle of birth in a newborn child. This is the wisdom of Father Time, that all things are temporary and we must allow a proper flow. Even if you don’t feel like a master of your feelings, trust that as you are, right now, you are ready to shepherd others through their emotional journeys. And along the way you might just discover you were a master from the start.

***Schedule your own reading or healing with Brandon here and follow him on Instagram @thebrandonalter and on Twitter @thebrandonalter.***

TAURUS

Page of Chalices Rx

Here we see a youth standing at the water’s edge, offering up a humble vessel of water, calling the spirit of the river to accompany them on their journey. This youth is you. The spirit of the river is the spirit of your heart. I call the Page of Chalices the Tarot’s vulnerability card. Its invitation is to bring our hearts with us wherever we go. And to ensure our emotions are always available to us, not as a liability, but as a guide.

It’s so easy to go through contemporary life shut down to our feelings. There are so many distractions and so many ways to numb ourselves. But being fully alive is about waking up to our messy human hearts. Which is why this card is ruled by the mixture of elements Earth and Water. When you mix them, you get mud. Playing with your emotions is a lot like playing in the mud. And if you haven’t played in the mud recently, I highly suggest you go get dirty AF. Why? Because it’s fun! Life is a sloppy affair and we might as well embrace it. Because where we don’t allow ourselves to feel we literally press the pause button on our life. And I know, gorgeous Taurus, you are ready to press play on your life.

Think of your feels like a crayon box. Every color has a purpose. Even slime green and slate gray. If you don’t give yourself permission to use the colors of your own rainbow, your life will start to constrict and feel flat. This moonth and, really, this whole year is about making yourself one hundred percent available to everything you feel. This isn’t about being a slave to your emotions, it’s about acknowledging them. Because they will help you…but you have to allow them to do so. They will teach you where you went wrong and how to make amends. They will hold your hand in the dark and kiss your lips in the light. Above all, remember this, your vulnerability is what makes you strong. The more you can allow the truth of your heart to be present in your everyday, the less backlog of shit you’ll have to deal with, eventually. What we resist, persists. So turn around and face yourself and I promise I’ll do the same.

***Schedule your own reading or healing with Brandon here and follow him on Instagram @thebrandonalter and on Twitter @thebrandonalter.***

GEMINI

Five of Pentacles

Ok facile Gemini, social queen, gorgeous ambassador of creativity and elegant hostess of dinner gatherings, here’s the cold hard tea, this card is not gentle. It’s rough. It means to change you, irrevocably. And my humble advice is that you let it. You see, all the Fives in the Tarot are contraction cards. They ask us to grown lean and prepare the way for the inevitable expansion that wants to come through. That’s the good news, you are preparing for expansion. But you can’t skip steps. Like giving birth, first we constrict and then we expand.

This moonth and truthfully this whole year is your opportunity to be the glorious Phoenix, rising up reborn from the ashes. But first, you must turn to dust. Now, I know that sounds dramatic but these portals don’t come around that often. And I want you to take it. This is the time to notice what isn’t working for you anymore and kick it to the proverbial curb. Why keep putting money into a car that keeps breaking down or a house that wants to collapse? Why invest in a relationship that really isn’t for your best good or a job that no longer satisfies? I know all about the comfort of familiar sufferings, but best to relieve yourself of suffering all together.

The Five of Pentacles brings change. Big changes. Bold changes. Often, terrifying changes. But only at first, soon you’ll see that the whole cosmos is conspiring to deliver you to the golden shores of your most sacred dreams. So don’t cling to the old, the tattered, the broken. Let it all go. Become hollow and give over to the wind of your true self. No more masks, no more half-truths. Let this clean wind blow through you and whisk you into your next incarnation. I promise you that your courage to kill off your old self will bring you wild riches of satisfaction and alignment. The guiding question is this: Does this serve my highest best good? Ask this about everything in your life, from the clothes you wear to the company you keep and if the answer is NO, oh honey, walk away and never look back.

***Schedule your own reading or healing with Brandon here and follow him on Instagram @thebrandonalter and on Twitter @thebrandonalter.***

CANCER

Seven of Wands

I have pulled the Trailblazer card for you, psychic Cancer. It’s a beautiful, auspicious and powerful card. It’s invitation is to blaze your own trail. It signifies that this is a moonth and a year for you to carve your own path forwards no matter what anyone says. Ignore the eye rolls and keep marching ahead so others can eventually follow in your footsteps!

The hardest thing about this card is that it means you are on your own. But that may also be the easiest thing about this card as well. No one you have to be accountable to, except yourself. The thing is, no one has ever done what you are trying to do. There is no forefather or paradigm to draw from. The only guide is your own intuition, but luckily you are intuitive AF. The key is to keep the furnace of your spiritual resiliency burning hot and strong.

What is spiritual resiliency? It’s the strong silent voice inside that says keep going. It’s the unbreakable connection to your purpose that refuses to allow obstacles to get in your way. You have a unique mission on this planet, a job that only you can do. The more in touch you can get with that medicine, the more power you will have to go against the odds. Think of the great innovators and artists, the rebels and leaders of change, from Ghandi to Martin Luther King Jr, from Dolly Parton to RuPaul. They had to create their own way forwards and eventually history and society saw their irreplaceable beauty and worth. It wasn’t handed to them and it wasn’t easy. But it was absolutely necessary. Teach the world how to receive you and you will evolve us all. And if anyone can do that, with heart and courage, it’s a Cancer.

***Schedule your own reading or healing with Brandon here and follow him on Instagram @thebrandonalter and on Twitter @thebrandonalter.***

LEO

Two of Cups

The Two of Cups invites us into loving partnership. Sometimes that’s with someone else, sexually, romantically or creatively. But other times this card appears to ensure we are partnering successfully with ourselves. You see, we each contain multitudes. At the very least we have an inner Mommy and an inner Daddy, and this card wants them to be in sacred partnership with each other. There’s a Kylie Minogue song called 2 Hearts and the lyrics go like this: “Two hearts are beating together, I’m in love.” I want your two hearts to beat in tandem this year. But first, maybe, you gotta figure out who those two hearts are.

Remember lovely Leo, you are a heart driven creature. Leo rules the heart, creativity and stealing the spotlight. Maybe your inner Mommy has been hogging up all the camera time and your inner Daddy has a few scenes up his sleeve. This moonth (and if you’re up for it, this whole year) is a glorious chance to really bring your opposite edges into balance. It’s time to play with your extremes and seek out some inner equanimity.

Humans are complex as hell and that’s what makes us so much fun. Have you been allowing for your own complexity? Have you given your inner hermit as much reign as your inner diva? Where are you emotionally and creatively out of balance? Because Two of Cups is the sweet medicine that will set you right. Above all, this card is about LOVE. So make sure you are seeking the love in all realms of your life. Especially within. Because self love is the ultimate healer and the ultimate aphrodisiac. If you are trying to call in a life partner, start by truly partnering with yourself. Do that and I promise they’ll be lining up around the block for ya… as if they aren’t already.

***Schedule your own reading or healing with Brandon here and follow him on Instagram @thebrandonalter and on Twitter @thebrandonalter.***

VIRGO

Three of Swords Rx

The Three of Swords looks brutal, I won’t deny it. The art of this card is trying to convey the brutality of ignoring your heart for your head. I know you Virgos like to do things by the book, you appreciate order and organization but heart logic doesn’t make sense in the traditional way. It has a logic all of its own. You might even call it crazy logic. But it is logic. There is a methodology to it, even if you can’t comprehend it. And this moonth is all about surrendering to the wild wisdom of your own unique heart… maybe you’ll enjoy it so much you can surrender to it all year!

Blaise Pascal said: The heart has its reasons that reason knows nothing of. And this is the essence of living from your heart. It’s about trust. Trusting the things you can’t see and cannot control. You, above all signs, had the most transformative and awakening of 2018’s. And it’s not going to stop now. You are learning how to give over to your heart and escape the cruel dictatorship of your ego. It won’t be easy but it will be beautiful. Listening to your heart and through your heart is the core of all spiritual traditions. And you are ready to walk that path.

The deer, slain three times, represents our inner wildness, our animal nature. We have forgotten our natural instincts because the mind couldn’t understand or control them. It thought they were primitive. But the truth is just the opposite, consider how advanced the songs of Whales are or how a lizard can regenerate its own limbs. Why are we so quick to relinquish our bestial nature when it has so much to teach us? As you move though this next cycle, remember you have much more in common with a cougar than a computer. For starters, a computer has no heart. And your heart could give you the world if you’ll let it.

***Schedule your own reading or healing with Brandon here and follow him on Instagram @thebrandonalter and on Twitter @thebrandonalter.***

LIBRA

Wheel of Fortune

Oooh gurl, big changes are coming your way this moonth and probably all year. Don’t be scurred, these are good changes. Changes for the better. Karmic, ancestral, soul centered changes. The Wheel of Fortune sits right in the middle of the Major Arcana, it is halfway between innocence and enlightenment. It’s when you begin to glimpse the matrix behind the world. This is when things start to get interesting. This is when the great web reweaves itself for your higher alignment. You may not understand how these dramatic shifts are serving you, but that’s where trust and faith come in. Don’t resist.

This card is ruled by Jupiter, the biggest planet in our solar system. In Astrology, Jupiter is known as the great benefic. He is our lucky planet that blesses us with abundance wherever he may be in our birth chart. I bring this up because I want you to be excited about the big changes coming your way. You’ve gotten comfortable getting stagnant of late and the Wheel of Fortune is coming to the rescue. Maybe you’ve even started to feel some of these gifts presenting themselves to you already. Well buy a bigger stocking, daddy, because the gifts have just begun.

More than any other sign, you need to practice surrendering to the path you’re already on, even if the path abruptly changes lanes, makes a u-turn or flies off a bridge. You need to find a way to trust that you really are being taken care of. Then you can just enjoy the ride. Life is supposed to be full of twists and turns. It’s a poem that won’t make sense until it’s over but that doesn’t mean you can’t appreciate the beauty all the way through. This is going to be a truly significant start to a truly significant year. Soak it up. Years from now you’ll look back and be eternally grateful for your spin on the Wheel of Fortune.

***Schedule your own reading or healing with Brandon here and follow him on Instagram @thebrandonalter and on Twitter @thebrandonalter.***

SCORPIO

Page of Wands

The Pages of the Tarot teach us how to ground, how to root ourselves firmly. The Page of Wands teaches us how to ground our fire, meaning our energy, our vitality. It’s an important lesson to learn because if we always act first and think second we will burn our or act rashly. This card wants to empower you to take a breath before you speak. When we give ourselves permission to be still and grounded our inevitable actions carry more power.

Patience is the power the Page of Wands yields. She knows how to wait. She trusts in divine timing. I have a feeling this card is presenting itself to you because you have a tendency to rush. And that tendency will lead you to some unpleasant results. Now is not the time to push ahead. Now is the time to wait, to gather yourself up. And then when you feel the invitation, only then, is it time to act.

Think of a volcano. So much power. But it knows when to erupt and when to lay dormant. This moonth is about learning when to lay in in wait and when to strike. There are moments in our lives that are for preparation and then other moments that are for performance. You are learning how to tell the difference. The important phone calls you need to make, the emails that need to be sent, try to feel into when the time is right to do so. I do this all the time. I get quiet and I ask inside myself: When should I call so-and-so? And right away I’ll hear: Now OR Tomorrow OR At Noon. Start to feel into the river of time in a way that will serve you fully.

***Schedule your own reading or healing with Brandon here and follow him on Instagram @thebrandonalter and on Twitter @thebrandonalter.***

SAGITTARIUS

Nine of Wands

I always think of the Nine of Wands as a staircase. It’s a staircase that ascends up into the cosmos where your dreams can be held in the palm of your hand. Therefore it’s a very long staircase. And you cannot climb it all at once, you have to climb it one step at a time. Think of this year as that staircase. So long as you tackle one step per day, I promise you will get where you are going.

The Nine’s in the Tarot represent some sort of completion or graduation. The Nine of Wands suggest that we are ready to level up the way we manage our energy and spiritual pursuits. You are approaching mastery, this moonth and (really) this whole year is your master class in how to manage your energy responsibly and sustainably. That’s your key word for this year: Sustainability. Are you moving through your days and your life in way that generates energy for you? Or are you moving in a way that constantly has you feeling like you are dragging your ass? You wnat your dreams to energize you, not exhaust you. This may be a year to redirect where your energy goes or maybe just pivoting how you spend it.

I don’t know who said it but there’s a quote that goes: A year from now you’ll be glad you started today. That’s the jist of this card. Whatever it is, whatever the dream may be, start now. Big dreams have big timelines, but the sooner you start the sooner you’ll get there. Be gentle with yourself as you climb. Don’t rush but don’t drag your feet either. Slow and steady, rising upwards. That’s the path of your moonth and year ahead.

***Schedule your own reading or healing with Brandon here and follow him on Instagram @thebrandonalter and on Twitter @thebrandonalter.***

BRANDON ALTER is a queer healer, Tarot reader, teacher and writer living in Los Angeles. He is passionate about sharing spiritual tools that have helped him reconnect to the wisdom of his heart. He is the Tarot reader in residence for The Numinous and he co-hosts The Spiritual Gayz with his husband, a twice-monthly podcast dedicated to exploring the wide reaches of spirituality, without pretending that it all makes sense. Brandon’s mom took him to his very first psychic when he was seven and gave him his first Tarot deck when he was eleven. Since then he has devoted himself to the study of Tarot, Yoga, Pilates, Reiki, Astrology and Shamanic Skills.

Visit www.brandonalterwellness.com to learn more. And to sign up for his twice-monthly newsletter, click here.