Salthica

I approach heating tator tots in the airfryer with the confidence and hubris of a straight man going to a gay bar to meet hot women

‘This toaster has burned everyone else’s tots into small black cubes. Surely not mine though. I’m going to set the timer to twenty minutes and then walk away’

”this part of the show is funny cause there’s this one guy we torture every chance we get” well. he’s my favorite and I would love for him to be happy for just one whole episode

This post is now ALSO about Kelly from Super Store. Dear LORD someone give that poor woman a break. I love her so much.

taking 400mg of Benadryl and sprinkling top soil under my pillow to see if I can make the dirt man and the hat man fight

Nooo that’s my friend

My apologies Mr. Hat Man, it was insensitive of me to assume that you would fight him

I’ve decided there’s no good term for starving but for water. Dehydrating isn’t right, neither is thirsting. So I’m starting to say bleckaled. Feeling bleckaled today. He bleckaled in that desert, etc etc, you get it.

Parched is right there

parched just doesn’t do it for me. You wouldn’t say I’m parched when you’re minutes away from dying cause it doesn’t sound serious enough. Also I’m not an upity 1960’s Brit. But what I am. Is bleckaled.

I would, in fact, say parched when I'm minutes away from dying, but that's just me.

I think our differences make us beautiful

I’ve decided there’s no good term for starving but for water. Dehydrating isn’t right, neither is thirsting. So I’m starting to say bleckaled. Feeling bleckaled today. He bleckaled in that desert, etc etc, you get it.

Parched is right there

While I appreciate this, sometimes, when I’m not trying to give in to the constant cycle of yearning. I just want to be bleckaled. Is that so much to ask?