i own all the modern persona games now and im happy
i only played p4g but it was peak

if i look back, i am lost

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@sakuvalor
i own all the modern persona games now and im happy
i only played p4g but it was peak

Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
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Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
Free to watch β’ No registration required β’ HD streaming
i havent had the motivation to write anything at all recently
i hate my bedroom but it's the place im most familiar with

Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
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such a terrible fucking week
trying to make sense of it all
its 5 am and i dont have a pan on what to write but felt a need to write abt shit thats been on my mind for literal months now. i started going thru derealization at work today and it was terrifying, i wasnt doing my job properly, started panicking and was terrified and was on the verge of tears for at least 20 minutes. i was in a very vulnerable state and asking everyone around me if i looked okay, to which the responses were "yeah youre fine" and "nothing looks wrong." which, they were right. i stepped outside to take a look at a mirror and i was fine. i wasn't fine, i was nowhere near fine actually. on top of that, i had a nosebleed too. i didn't feel real, nothing really did. i went to another task and felt much much worse, and when i came back to prepare for the next thing, i realized i was gripping things too tightly which doesn't happen unless something is wrong, and i also started feeling weak in my arms. i set aside to put my head down just to clear something up and started to have a breakdown. i still don't know what caused it, nothing was stressful, nothing was really going on outside of how i was feeling but i just started crying nonstop for 10 minutes... i left work early for obvious reasons as the day was also terrible but i still can't wrap my head as to why any of that happened.
the more i think about the breakdown i feel it could be attributed to a ton of issues going on in my life, i feel so unraveled and nothing feels real. im not a real person, i have 0 purpose how i am rn and im not rly happy with how i am. its kinda lame to write out what ive been thinking because ive been repeating it in my head for so long but i guess it gets worse when you do that, ive been trying to write a post like this for a month now but never made progress and end up deleting everything. my head hurts. i hate thinking about my life so much, too much sadness and realization of not rly doing anything. i need to get back into my old hobbies and not keep doing whatever this shit is. its just a stupid cycle, im trying to get better but its so easy to fall back. my head has been hurting all day. maybe tomorrow ill start looking into something i used to love, im calling out anyways.
been trying to rack my brain to write something the past couple of days and nothing has been able to come out - i always write a sentence and end up deleting it and starting the process over and over again and i have a lot on my mind and i dont know where to start.
i dropped out of college recently, decided it wasnt the best fit for me and just a complete waste of my time. i dont regret it because i finally have some level of freedom and i was planning on it anyways, but having it like this is a little bit better. i feel like i actually have time to do the things i actually want to do which is nice. my only worries are my rent and the things i like which is such a nice thing to have after having to deal with... everything.
i wish i could stop thinking for 5 minutes because i feel i would benefit from it greatly. just float around in subconscious for a few minutes and not really have to worry about anything or feel real. i wish i could... not disassociate but just not.... be present? i dont know. its hard to explain. i have so much built up rage recently and it feels so crippling because it bleeds into every aspect of my life and it prevents me from being happy properly which is my biggest problem, it keeps me up from night because im so angry at something dumb and cant help but laser in on it. its boring as hell. i need to watch anime more or something.
i should probably go to therapy or play tetris more... leaning on the second one more. more fun for me.
officially a college dropout :P

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art or die